Presents for kids who have too much

[ChristmasGrunge]

Very curious about what other people think. Do you like to go overboard with presents for your kids irrespective of how much they already have or need? Or how much space you've got? Do you worry that they will stop being able to appreciate what they have if they get too much? Do you worry that they'll become too materialistic? Do you worry that they'll be disappointed if they don't have many presents to open?

This is our situation: DD1 (7) has a cupboard full of toys and we haven't even opened all of her birthday presents yet. Her birthday was a month ago (whole class party so tons of presents). Basically we don't have space for more things and she already has more stuff than she can play with. She's put 4-5 things on her Christmas wish list and I've got her all of those but I keep wanting to buy more as I think it would be stuff she likes or can really use (but doesn't actually need). Both dh and me have also got her way too many books. I also got some random stuff for her stocking but I feel guilty about the waste (in terms of money, space and the environment). I keep planning to do a clear out with her of her cupboard but every time I attempt this I don't feel like getting rid of anything as it's all things that are still in good condition and that she can still play with (and sometimes does even if it's just once in six months).

DD2 is just 18 months and we've got her very little. I'll give her a few big but old toys from DD1 (as DD1's present to her) and I've bought a few things on behalf of family members and some very small things for her stocking. Basically she neither wants nor needs anything but I don't want DD1 to think that DD2 is getting significantly less.

Anyway, I think we've bought less than many others (from what I can see from the threads on here) but I still feel guilty about buying stuff maybe just for the heck of it? Just so they (and by they I mean dd1) are excited about a big pile of presents.

I think for the next event we'll get DD1 an experience or concert tickets rather than so much stuff.

Stop being drawn into the delusion that your family is less than perfect if there are less than 300 presents under the tree, and your table is groaning under the weight of food. That’s what all the retailers want you to believe to make you part with your money. Why on earth do you feel compelled to buy more stuff for your daughter when she has unopened birthday presents?

Yea I hate buying more of the same type of thing for the sake of it/if there is no space etc. don’t like to set a precedent and also worry about materialism, waste etc. it’s hard enough keeping tidy and organised without adding more stuff to the house. I usually have a clear out before this time of year however haven’t been able to due to flu/various bugs and other commitments. I literally have no idea how people think of 10-20+ gifts. Even if some of them are small, surely most of it is just waste. The other issue is my DC do get gifts throughout the year.

Balancing the above with not wanting to disappoint dc in anyway. I know if that happens that’s down to my own behaviour as well as peer influences etc. i just need to put my big girl pants on and stick to the few gifts I have

When I’ve felt like this I’ve bought BIG items that bulk out the present pile and don’t feel wasteful, Oodie, hoodies, winter coat, character cushions. You can also try the box in a box in a box trick too. I once did a big box with shredded paper and hid little things in it..

Yes, I've cut back over the past couple of years because I was spending money on pointless stuff that never got used.

I think you can teach them alot the other 364 days of the year which show them how to be appreciative or have balance etc.so buying or going overboard doesn't mean a worry over them becoming greedy so much.
But I never want to go over do it vulgar.that to doesn't make it any more of a full and extravagant day than just making it special in smaller ways.thats then not a bout giving a child all you can for them to have a lovely set of days it's just gross.
I remeber the best atmosphere and bits for me were the non materialist things.and just how we are made to feel.

You can't really have too many books unless they are never read. Too many toys or clothes, yes. Do you buy secondhand? If not, you could make that change for the future. I wouldn't buy "just for the heck of it", no.

I do think it's a bit different for DC who have birthdays close to Christmas. One way of dealing with it is to buy them more over the course of the year and less as official birthday presents. Otherwise, just remind yourself that they go a large percentage of the year present-less so it's just the season.

I have bought my soon to be 16 month old a lot for Christmas but a lot of it is stuff that will grow with him over the next couple of years 🤷‍♀️

DDs have very (over) generous grandparents. We compensate by buying less, buying practical stuff and saving our money for extra curricular activities, days out etc. This year we've got them camping rucksacks as their 'main' presents for example. Next year it will be ski helmets.

We only have the one DS(7) but are conscious of him receiving too much ‘stuff.’ Just because you can afford it doesn’t mean you should buy it, and don’t get sucked into the media/threads on here listing the dozens and dozens of things each child has in their stocking. We are still learning to reign in the spending so we haven’t perfected this either.

I do think that if children always get everything they want with no effort then how will they find the motivation to strive for things as they get older? Some children are receptive to being taught to still work for what you want while being materially fairly spoilt, and others can turn into entitled brats.

I think you can never have too many books as long as they are being read; encourage children to sort through their toys and donate some to charity/give to younger siblings rather than ending up with a houseful of unused/outgrown toys, and consider gifts that are experiences or annual
passes for local attractions, theatre tickets etc.

I would try and make it so that what they're excited about is the experience of Christmas rather than the size of the pile of stuff that they get. There is something quite unpleasant about wanting stuff just for the sake of it and I'd try to avoid instilling that in a child personally.

I have a similar issue. I buy things that get used such a fun bath bombs or special cooking item (love the fancy cupcake sets from asda). I also buy things they need such as new pjs, etc but tend to buy slightly nicer ones such as glow in the dark pjs.

It is very materialistic now. I grew up in the 60’s/70’s. Nice big house, private school etc…. But at Christmas we got a stocking with small items in & from my parents - only ever 1 present under the tree. Never ever more. 1 present from each set of grandparents etc…etc… Christmas was always magical, such nice memories, of Carol singers, good food, huge family gatherings. Board games/winter walks. I never felt lacking in any way, because all my family friends did the same. We were so happy with what we got. The Christmas past was more emphasis on everything else, the Christmas present is all emphasis on the gifts & presents. But what makes the memories is all the other stuff. Christmas felt more Christmassy back in the 1970’s somehow.

It’s become very materialistic, to the point that people are willingly prepared to go into debt just so they can make Christmas “magical”, what ever that means, and the emphasis is just on getting loads of presents. And for me that’s the shitiest part about Christmas. And this shallow materialism, and consumerism, is passed on to the children It’s crap.

Couldn’t disagree more. To me it reads classic middle class Christmas, there was no need for your parents to go over board at Christmas because you got everything you needed and more all year round, big house, private school, I’m guessing always had clothes and did plenty of activities because you went to private school. Your parents had nothing to prove or make up for.

DH - MC grew up in 70s/80s very similar 3/4 presents max. But he got lots of extra curricular activities, multiple holidays abroad each year, never went without new clothes or shoes, latest in gadgets.

Me - WC grew up 70s/80s loads of Christmas presents, well except the years there were none and we were homeless. Same with most of my friends, never had any out of school activities, no fancy holidays, if we needed new clothes our parents would try and make us do until birthdays or Christmas.

Things are exactly the same now, especially for poorer families. Just now we see it more with advances in technology and social media, which makes those struggling families feel they now have more to prove.

Experiences are your friend here.

My kids main gifts are theme park season passes and tickets to a show. My mum is paying for us a weekend break later next year instead of doing gifts and mother in law is taking the kids to a Christmas show instead of gifts (except probably a small selection box/chcolate Santa). We moved house this year and downsized quite a lot so took a load of toys to charity and we just don't have space for more- it's a one in one out policy! The kids (2,7,9) will still all be getting a couple toys/games each under the tree which they have asked for (and the usual small stockings with consumables) but it's been quite refreshing this year to know we just don't have the space for more and think outside the box a bit. It also gives us all things to look forward to after Christmas after the buzz of opening gifts has long gone.

My daughter (8) has said this year she wants less presents but more of our presence. She's asked for board games and creative things so we can do it together.
It's really made me sit back and think that we are sometimes so busy it's the little things that really matter x

I could have written your post OP as my own and yet again our DS has lots of christmas presents. I dispair with myself!!!

I remember being given a colouring in set one year (had crayons, paint, coloured pencils etc - for those of a similar vintage, a Crayola Caddy). I loved it.

My DF was horrified at the extravagance (DM definitely did the shopping!). It made me feel icky about liking this AMAZING gift that was well beyond my most avaricious dreams.

If you’re not sure, either return some stuff, hold it back, or whatever- but please don’t make your DC feel bad about liking the gift.

Thanks everyone for the replies and for giving my head a wobble. The situation is actually that apart from books I haven't got DD1 many presents (and dd2 is just getting utility's stuff or old toys from dd1. She's too young to notice but I want her to have stuff to unwrap as well so dd1 knows she's equally important and so that not all focus is on dd1 and her presents). I am bit worried because there aren't many toys as such (only 2 actually and one of them I bought on behalf of a friend) but we are going to open the remaining presents she got from her birthday this week so she'll have new things to play with. Finally made some room in her cupboard. I really am trying hard to stop myself from just ordering random stuff to increase the number.

We do a lot of other Christmas stuff so it's not just all about the presents and I'd really like to build our Christmases on these other traditions (that DD loves too like decorating the tree and house and baking Christmas cookies, etc). She's really into making presents for other people this year, which is lovely to see and help her with.

No of course I wouldn't. I'm sorry your Df reacted that way and spoiled what was a lovely present (and your mum's pleasure of giving it as well I guess). I can really, really relate to that experience.

That's really lovely. I've been quite busy lately too but have taken this week off so I can exclusively spend it with dd1 (while dd2 is at nursery....she usually hogs my time when she is at home)

Yes, we wanted to do tickets for a show and a trip to.london this year which DD would have loved but didn't have time to organise it...next year!!