Visiting relative in hospital on Christmas Day.

[NoelNoNoel]

Two days ago I found out one of my parent’s stay in a psychiatric hospital will be extended and they will be there on Christmas Day.
I was thinking of getting a taxi there (it’s just over an hour away) staying an hour while the taxi waits and then going home. This would be at about 2.30 after our Christmas lunch.
I am trying to work out if this is a good plan or is it unfair on my young adult DC and my DH. I could possibly ask my slightly older DC if she/he wants to join me but there is the risk my parent will be having a bad day and may not be nice to me/us.
I can afford the taxi.
My Christmas Eve is quite booked up
although I could possibly go in the morning but my parent is normally asleep all morning. It’s the same situation with boxing day.
What are your thoughts?

I wouldn’t visit on 25th if your parent doesn’t know it’s Christmas Day. Enjoy your time with your children. You don’t know how many future Christmases you’ll get to spend with your DC as they get older and get partners, children of their own.

You obviously want to go. Just go. It is only three hours and you will still be there for Christmas dinner and in the evening.

You are clearly a lovely, kind, thoughtful person. Your DP is getting well cared for at the hospital. Your children are grown up enough to cope if you leave them for 3 hours.

I would wonder about the practicalities. Can you definitely get a taxi?

But after that I would say just do what you want to do. Christmases are nice, but if you are nice to your family the other 364 days you're allowed to do whatever you want for one day.

You can't take responsibility for your adult children or your ill DP having a nice day. Just go with your gut.

Don't try to be perfect or over think everything. It's going to be a lovely day no matter what.

OP absolutely no right or wrong answer as to whether you should visit but you sound like a lovely kind person. I would 100% visit if they were ill and possibly end of life care but your circumstances are different. A friend has a similar dilemma her husband is very unwell but thankfully on the mend ( long recovery)but she has young DC and she thinks the Christmas Day visit will only make everybody even more upset after a difficult and upsetting few months so she will have a day of relaxation after constant daily hospital visits. Maybe take the day for YOU and relax at home with your DC without any visits or social expectations on you.

My Mum is in hospital with dementia. We live an hour (30 miles) away. We don’t drive and we’re quoted £300 taxi fare for a return trip , and an hours waiting. It may seem cruel, but I’m not doing it. Because of the train strikes I can’t visit between 24 and 27th anyway.

Personally I'd enjoy Christmas with your family and then see your parents during the holiday period but another day? I understand you'll probably feel guilty (even though you shouldn't) but then you dont feel torn christmas day when in reality they won't know what day it is.

It's a tough one, but I think you'll feel guilty if you don't go. Your DH and DC will still get a good chunk of time with you on Xmas day.

My mother suffers from severe depression and has been hospitalised for long periods, ever since I was 13 years old. I have spent many, many Christmas days visiting secure psychiatric units, and my DM usually just spends the time staring into the distance or crying. It always makes me feel awful - awful that she feels so depressed, and awful (especially as a child) that me visiting didn't seem to brighten her day at all.

Since having DC myself, I no longer visit on Christmas day. My own childhood Christmases were incredibly hard because of these visits, and I would never let my children be affected in the same way.

I understand the guilt (and feel it myself), but the joy of our DC (who are now teenagers) having wonderful a wonderful Christmas far outweighs this for me.

My relationship with my DM is close, but I won't let my DC be affected the way my siblings and I were. I will call and speak to her on the phone, and if (by some Christmas miracle!) she's in the mood for a FaceTime, then that's what we'll do.

It's a very personal decision, and what works for me may not work for you, but you have my sympathy, it's incredibly tough.

OliveWah
so sorry to read that, you must have had such a difficult childhood. Thank you for sharing your experience.

I wouldn’t.
I don’t know your back story. But you are clearly incredibly selfless and kind. I know .you have said you can afford it but, I can’t even begin to calculate how much that would cost, both financially and emotionally. Never mind the family, why don’t you give yourself the luxury of a day off?
I speak as the person in my enormously dysfunctional family who was always expected to fix everything and not ever complain.
Honestly, I would not phone either. Have a break, enjoy your Christmas and go on 27 th. And spend the saved taxi money on yourself too.
I really really hope you begin to consider the possibility of putting yourself first.
Happy Christmas and a Peaceful New Year.💐

I have decided to go and have booked the taxi. I am pleased I have made up my mind.

I'm glad you've decided. There isn't a wrong answer in your case. You're a lovely person trying to do right by everyone. I hope your Christmas is lovely.