I really am struggling with the whole Christmas thing this year and know I only have myself to blame.
This was the plan:
DS his GF and LO were all going to her DM's this year. When they had DGS it was agreed that they would alternate from one year to next, did first year at ours so more than happy that they were going to there this year.
DSD her BF and 2 LO, always come to ours.
DSS lives with us so would be at ours anyway.
This week DS has let me know that they are now not able to go to GF DM as she has asked they they don't this year and swap tp next year,
DSD got herself a puppy 3 months ago and asked what they are doing (last couple of years they have stayed from xmas eve to boxing day). I said as they wouldn't be likely to stay now they have a dog that why don't they come xmas eve bring all pressies and stuff, stay for tea as usual and then we drop them back with kids stockings and when they wake up in morning open stockings and we can pick them up (as early as they want even 6am). This has not gone well at all. She is really pissed off that we won't let them and the dog stay and said the dog is only 3 months old and she can't leave it like that. I did say that she could go back mid morning to check on it and again mid afternoon. (They live 10 min walk and 2 min drive so really not a hardship). She finished the conversation with "well at least you will have DS will be here".
Last night DSS (18) told me she had been messaging him in day to say that as they had to go home he could just go with them and stay at theirs.
I am so fed up with all of them. I asked DS if he would be ok if she had dog with her but he isn't allowed to bring his dog so quite rightly was not impressed.
DH said no to dog because ours has to stay locked in our room whilst they are here. He also think it is ridiculous that they all live so close but are wanting to stay anyway (we have a 3 bed semi and the 3rd room is literally a box room).
DSS is now unhappy with us because his Dsis isn't stay or DS but knows I am not happy at the thought of him not being here and going to stay at hers.
Part of me (the bitter and childish part) thinks that she is trying to get him to stay at hers to punish us because she can't stay here. I also feel that she is trying to put a bit of a them and us divide.
I am angry at all of them and hurt by all of them. I feel that they are all putting me in a difficult situation that I can not win.
DS because they changed plans last minute ( and I prob would have given in and let her have the dog at ours if he wasn't go to be there to know - this is why I know I am to blame)
DSD because she is entitled - again totally our fault but has also had it so tough over the last few years that my heart breaks for her sometimes, she has to be navigated around as she suffers with very bad mental health and struggles to process. That said she is not beyond using the kids to emotionally blackmail us if it suits.
DSS - just because at this point
DH - because he says he is just going wit the flow but he isn't really he just doesn't want the blame for any of it.
I don't know now who is actually coming when and what the hell is going on - dh says this is fine but he literally does nothing to do with the food so doesn't think about me trying to plan who the hell I am doing food for and when.
I have had a really shit last 3 years and this year has been particularly shit. I am in a new role which is meant to be 40 hours but I am in work for 8.30 and not getting home until 7, Mon to Fri (but only get paid for 40 hours as they don't believe in overtime but you have to get the job cleared sort of industry).
Previously Me and DH used to always spend Xmas with my family and we haven't done this now for last 3 years because DSD wanted to be at our with the kids - I really miss seeing them at Christmas and wish I could just go spend the day with them.
Please help me get this into perspective. It is just 1 day, I know this. I also know I should adopt the attitude that we are at home and will be happy to host or not and will have a good chilled couple of days regardless. I also know that compared to what a lot of people are going through this really is a 1st world problem.
(Disclaimer - I do love them all really and DSD has had it so tough over the last few years that my heart breaks for her sometimes, she has to be navigated around as she suffers with very bad mental health and struggles to process so whilst I say entitled