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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Gift for terminal FIL

45 replies

Onebabyandamadcat · 16/12/2022 14:16

My DFIL is very ill with a brain tumour. It is terminal and it's looking like he only has weeks left (if that). I've put off and put off buying his Christmas present as it's too upsetting - his tumour was discovered in July when he had a numb pinkie and he's gone from a very active, health man to an utter shell who is paralysed, losing his eye sight, struggling to swallow and starting to become confused.

It was his birthday at the end of November and we got him a blanket with pictures of him and DD (the utter apple of his eye) on it.

Now it's Christmas next week and I still haven't bought a single thing. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I've also got DMIL to buy for too and have no idea - what do you get someone whose world is totally shook up and doesn't have any hobbies beyond going out and about with DFIL?

OP posts:
notafraidofthebigbadwolf · 16/12/2022 16:29

The photo blanket we got my Mum in that situation provided nice conversation around her bedside for the carers that came by. I also got her a little bird seed thing to stick to her window. I don't know if she was able to focus on the window and take any pleasure from that, but I hope so.

Original poster
Onebabyandamadcat · 16/12/2022 16:30

Thank you everyone. Lots of good suggestions here. Looking into audible for his Alexa (though it seems you only get plans with one credit a month for a variety of months - it'd be better to get six months worth of credits up front 🤔)

Will have a wee look at all the other suggestions too. Thanks again.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 16/12/2022 16:34

Some lovely suggestions on this thread.
Sorryif its already been mentioned was one thing we got for an elderly rel whos DH was very poorly, were posh tea and coffee and biscuits in nice tins from places like Fortnums or anyof the supermarket's fancier brands. As she had visitors and always had something to do and to offer to get the conversation going. Also Taylors had 3 different Coffee Bags which she found very useful as she was busy caring.
So sorry for what you are going through.

User57713 · 16/12/2022 16:39

We got family to record themselves reading short stories and poems in a similar situation so he could listen to familiar voices. We thought about recording personal messages but that was too hard for some of us

mrslaviniachandelier · 16/12/2022 16:41

We have just very sadly lost DHs father and the Nixplay photo frame was such a lovely thing in the final weeks. We could all upload photos to it through the app, and on days when he wasn’t able to do much he could sit and watch lovely family memories.

Riskofbeingsued · 16/12/2022 16:53

When we were in this position I bought a photo book of pictures of all the grandchildren and children with him over the years. It was well received and his wife then liked keeping it afterwards and had some positive memories.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 16/12/2022 16:56

Onebabyandamadcat · 16/12/2022 16:30

Thank you everyone. Lots of good suggestions here. Looking into audible for his Alexa (though it seems you only get plans with one credit a month for a variety of months - it'd be better to get six months worth of credits up front 🤔)

Will have a wee look at all the other suggestions too. Thanks again.

Maybe approach Audible directly and tell them of the situation.
I feel sure that they could alter their subscription package to suit.

All good wishes to you all at this very difficult time.

JenniferBarkley · 16/12/2022 17:04

My dad died shortly after Christmas, it was during covid so we couldn't be with them. We sent a "Christmas for two" hamper with cheesy Christmas PJ's, chocolates my mum would like (dad couldn't eat), tiddliewinks (sp) which they used to play when they were first married, DVDs of easy TV shows, stuff like that.

Basically, there is no present that will be great in the usual sense, so what you need is more something that makes it clear you know this one is shit but that you're thinking of them.

Member869894 · 16/12/2022 17:56

heated blanket?/throw?

Cakeandcoffee93 · 16/12/2022 17:58

I would have everyone together dressed up and singing a carol at the end of his bed very gently. With candles and cake after. It will be a memory you won’t forget

Blossomtoes · 16/12/2022 18:13

Probably too late now but a photo book filled with family pictures would have been nice for both of them. Other than that I’d get consumables. Lots of chocolate.

Efrogwraig · 16/12/2022 18:22

Photo frame where you upload pictures of the family which go round like a slide show. Also photos of favourite places. For both of them.

Mollymoostoo · 16/12/2022 18:31

We had a tree planted in the national forest for my MIL.

HashtagManchester · 16/12/2022 19:03

Hi, one thing I bought my dad and grandad was a storyworth where you record stories based on your life memories. It can be either done over the phone or online, and it helps get all the memories out for future generations.

About 70 pound but can be instantly done. Or if you're struggling, I can email all the questions over and you can buy a notepad, and write one per page.

Perhaps you can sit down one afternoon and get them all answered.

If there's time, amazon also sell them as a hardback book.

Rainallnight · 16/12/2022 19:15

A heated throw, each.
My mum loved hers when she was dying in a hospice.

and it would be very comforting for your MIL.

I think everyone suggesting food and drink is barking up the wrong tree entirely.

PleaseStopExplaining · 16/12/2022 20:09

Audible do a 12 credits at once membership called premium plus annual

nopuppiesallowed · 16/12/2022 20:46

Not a present suggestion, but when my mother was dying and couldn't eat or drink, I took ice lollies up to the Hospice for her. She always looked as if she was in heaven as she sucked on them. Makes me tearful remembering how much she loved them.

Octopus45 · 16/12/2022 20:47

Your poor FIL and poor you. As others have said, I'm so sorry you are going through this. My Dad died of prostate cancer which had spread to his bones at the end of October. One thing that comforted him near the end was people reading to him (some stuff he had written himself as well as stuff by his favourite authors. Also something music related might be a good idea. Also second the suggestion of cashmere socks and foot creams. Lots of love to you all

Duvet1 · 18/12/2022 19:31

So sorry your going through this. I have just been through similar.

When the cancer spread to my dad's brain he spent his time just wanting to listen to classical music quietly/having quiet as even people talking to him got unbearable as he was very sensory defensive towards the end and sleep a lot. Anything related to making sleeping, resting, having quiet or listening to music comfy and more enjoyable is a good idea.

I donated money to charity on his behalf as a present also as he didn't need 'stuff' and he was pleased to know something good came out of a sad time. He died days after his birthday so I felt happy with that.

Another idea if he is into things like this but a St Christopher piece of jewellery was another special gift with a lot of meaning.

Duvet1 · 18/12/2022 19:38

For MIL a digital photo frame with pictures of them and family on it. Depending on if she's happy to leave your FIL (my mum wouldn't leave my dad till he was gone) you could take her out to the hairdressers/beauty salon/afternoon tea etc even if it's just an hour long for a short break. Or you could arrange for that to happen at a later date if she doesn't want to leave him.

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