BIL’s GFs sister now coming for boxing day - gift

[Follycastle]

So last night my DH’s brother (BIL) asked if his girlfriend’s sister can join us at a family get together I’m hosting at our house on Boxing Day. She is 17. I did ask whether she really wanted to come and wouldn’t prefer to stay home, but apparently she would like to join us all, which is fine. I don’t know the circumstances but know that the she is spending Christmas with my BIL, his GF and their two kids.

I barely know the GF never mind the sister (who I’ve never met).

Anyway, there will be family children ages 1-8 there and we are exchanging presents so I’m wondering if I should get the sister a small gift and if so, what? It’s a bit late in the day now but maybe just some chocolate? I don’t know her at all so no idea what else would be suitable.

She won't be expecting anything and she's not a child.

If adults are exchanging gifts as well as the children, then just get her some bubble bath (or other bathroom smellies) and some chocolate. It's just a gesture so that she has something to open. Anything more is weird.

No gift required .

Christmas day is past, she's just a social guest.

Don't embarrass her with a gift , because she won't have brought gifts for all present.

Yes. If you can afford it a little gift would be nice. Nothing too much so she won’t feel overloaded if she doesn’t bring a gift but maybe some chocolate and something thoughtful like a set of make up brushes or face mask and bath bomb.

17 so booze is out. Thanks for the laugh, I needed that!

DD is 17, she usually buys her friends a few sheet type face masks, hair masks, a candle, some chocolates that sort of thing.

Is everyone getting / Exchanging a gift?
if so, yes i would personally get her something
If just the children, 8 and under are getting presents only, then no i wouldnt, as shes 17…

If everyone is exchanging
Then i would get her some chocolates and fluffy socks.

I’d probably go with something like a nice notebook and pen (from somewhere like Paperchase). You don’t really know if she likes alcohol or actually uses face masks etc

If it's boxing day - are you all exchanging gifts? If not, then no, I wouldn't. If you are a small box of chocs would be fine as a token gift.

I think a token gift like chocolate is a kind gesture and you don't need to do more.

Wouldn't dream of buying a face mask, such a personal thing. How about printing off cinema vouchers and putting them in a card or wrapping with a box of chocolates so they can have a night out in the new year.

@BabbleBee , i'm well aware that a 17-yr old may well think a bottle of wine or Bailey's is a perfect gift, and definitely preferable to many of the items suggested, but I don't think it appropriate. It's someone else's child you are buying for.

Maybe a wee soap and Glory gift set? As a pp said, her circumstances don't sound the best. I had a rough time around that age and spent boxing day with a family not my own. The small gifts they gave me meant the world. Stuff like smellies, pjs etc.

Thanks all, some good points and I will try and cover off the main ones.

I did think maybe if she’s with sister instead of parents then she might appreciate the kindness of a small gift so that’s probably where I was coming from thinking it might be nice to get her a present, and to make her feel welcome. However, I can appreciate it could be awkward for her, especially if adults are not exchanging gifts - I stupidly didn’t think of how she might feel being lumped with the children. We are not planning on adult gifts (sorry if my OP was confusing!) so I think on that basis perhaps I don’t get her anything.

Unfortunately I can’t ask the GF as we don’t really have a relationship despite best efforts, she has a lot of social anxiety. I will double check with the BIL though; it’s hard without being too probing into the circumstances which doesn’t feel our place.

I know they are grateful for us welcoming her but I’d be surprised if they brought us anything as hosts. They are a lot younger than us and never have done in the past (and we tend to host all family gatherings), not sure whether it occurs to them and/or money is a factor. We certainly don’t expect them to bring us anything.

Either way, we will be sure to welcome them all with lots of food and good fun. I’m sure we won’t go too wrong!

I would buy her a small thing, to let her know she’s welcome . She is very young and probably really self conscious, I have a displaced teen living with us and know that when she is welcomed in those little ways, she appreciates it, even if that doesn’t always show.

If the adults aren't exchanging gifts then don't get her anything.
She won't want to be singled out I wouldn't think.
If her sister has social anxiety then maybe she has too.
Or the BIL GF asked her younger sister to come along because she's terrified of going there!

I think a small not-too-personal gift would be a lovely thought.

I also wouldn't buy alcohol for a 17yo.

Chocolates, nice notebook, bubble bath, adult colouring book, something like that.

Amazon voucher - £10 or £20, whatever you would spend

Don’t need to spend much. A gift set from B&M or Boots would suffice. You can pick them up for around a fiver. I do agree that it should be the other way around and they bringing you a gift, but there we go.

Get her a long hot water bottle, or some gloves, even some makeup would be appreciated.

She may be 17 but she’s still appreciate being given a gift especially if she’s still at school and not working.

I don't think I would get her anything if the other adults are exchanging gifts. It would feel a bit strange to me to hand her something but not BIL or her sister and she could feel awkward if she hadnt brought anything for you.

Oh god don’t get her a gift then how awful when only little kids get them and she’s given one too. It’s like being asked as an adult to sit at the kids table