How do you arrange Christmas?

[Theunromantic]

I wanted to know how others organise christmas, especially if you don't have a straightforward family dynamic?

I live with my DP and 2 year old DS. My mum who lives close by said she'd like to spend xmas eve with us this year. I decided that I didn't really mind what the 3 of us did and started thinking about what a full Christmas day at home just the 3 of us would look like. Then my stepmum told us we'd be welcome to spend Christmas day with her and my dad. I thought 'great! We can just bring stuff and the pressure is off'. Since she said this, my uncle and my brother have decided they are also going to come. My dad commented today that he doesn't even know if they'll be able to cook that much food and he laughed that if would be good if me or my brother were the adults and could have people round.

I was quite surprised by this and said 'oh it didn't even occur to me you'd like to come to us' (we live in a tiny 2 up 2 down and they never even visit us). He then retreated a bit and said 'no of course I don't expect you to when you've got the little one.'

Now I'm wishing I could take it back and just do Christmas at home! It's awkward too because my mum and stepmum don't get on and DP's parents are super difficult people.

I can't be the only one tangled in these kinds of issues!?

We don’t arrange it, it’s all just assumed, like sodding clockwork. Be glad you have the option to chop and change plans and not be stuck in an extended family Xmas rut of obligation!

@Mañanarama I see! Would you mind me asking what your plans are every year?

I spend Christmas Day with my Mum and Step Dad. Plus various extended family from that side (varies as to who)
Boxing Day with Dad and Step Mum, and again a variety of extended family.

DC see their Dad, Step-Mum and siblings at some point. Usually boxing day for a, few hours when Step Mum deigns to allow them in the house.

Last year was our little ones first Christmas and we went to my parents for breakfast then to dps parents (grandparents were there too) for lunch and the afternoon. By the time we got home we were out of energy and baby was asleep.

So this year we're going to dps grandparents on the way to his parents in the morning then to my parents for lunch then hopefully home by 1 at the latest to enjoy the day (mainly seeing little one open and play with his presents) whilst I make buffet food 🥰

Christmas Day is just me dh & our 2 dcs. We visit my aunt Boxing Day along with my db & his family.

Since we had kids we just have Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day on our own its bliss. This year we have been invited to SIL’s for a couple of days between Christmas and NY which will be a nice change.

In the past we have invited my family (who live very nearby) round on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and or Boxing Day. But my mum likes to spend the time in her own house and refuses except once when she actually agreed to come round on Boxing Day. We also invited my sister and family. But my mother was very late (it was the first time we had met my sisters partner) and my mum left after exactly one hour to see to the dog (who sleeps in an out house and isn’t even allowed in the house)!! Now we don’t bother. When we have visited them since having kids especially over Christmas we haven’t really been made to feel that welcome (the kids are teenagers now, so we don’t bother). We have also invited DH’s parents up in the past who live over two hours away but they have always refused too (usually preferring to spend the day with much younger SIL who has no children) but since FIL passed away MIL often invites herself up to ours for NY for a few days which has turned into almost a fortnight.

Xmas Eve to Boxing Day as a family but mum is welcome any time as she lives alone.

No dad on my side or mum on DH side (deceased) and a dad on DH side who only cares about our DDs when it suits him.

Tbh we have it quite easy

My family is exactly this complicated. I decided to stay home just me and DD this year. My mum asked if she could come with my step dad and I said yes. My dad seems to think he invited us all to his but only my brother got that message. I spoke to my brother and we agreed he shoukd go with SIL to my dads and I’d have mum then all go to my brothers on Boxing Day. But brother didn’t bother telling dad the plan and mum told dad she’s coming to mine and dads upset he’s being left out. I have the only child in the family so everyone wants to see us. So then I said come to mine but then he said it was ok he’d come to mine on Boxing Day. I don’t have a clue what’s happening!

We normally spend Christmas at our house just me DP and our 3 DC. I'm quite particular about it. But this year, we're going to my mums for a change and I'm looking forward to the hustle bustle and to cooking for other adults.

We'll go round on Christmas eve to help prepare the dinner and the kids will be going mad with excitement with their cousins doing All The Christmassy Things.

Then we'll get them home to bed at our house, have Christmas morning here, and go around at around 11.

We always go to my parents' house. DH doesn't have any family, my parents have a bigger house than us, plus they prefer to be comfortable in their own space rather than be 'guests' in ours. They only live around the corner so no travelling involved, all in all it works well for us.

Honestly, just now out. Say "we've decided to have a quiet christmas day this year" and do it. Leave everyone else to get on with their plans.

Ignore the passive aggressive comments about you hosting. You never offered to host and are under no obligation to.

*bow out

DH takes DS to see Fil on Christmas Eve evening, hot chocolate and mince pies. They're about 15 minutes drive away.

Christmas day just us.

Boxing day just us, or we'll meet people for a beach walk with dogs.

Before COVID, we spent a Christmas at my dad's in the UK which was magical, as DS was a good age for panto and stuff.

We've both experienced Christmases where people have fucked us about - the one when DS was 2 weeks old is particularly memorable for its utter awfulness <shudder> so we stay home. Much fucking better, zero stress.

We don’t go anywhere, everything is done by Christmas Eve, house clean and ready, we have a nice day chilling with DDs, take away for dinner so no dirty dishes. Christmas Day the same, just us except house is chaotic with presents. We stay in our PJs as long as we like, eat when we are ready and do what the hell we want.

My parents came for “breakfast” one year, stayed for 10mins and rushed off to my brothers who is the only one they wanted to spend Christmas with. In laws use to also call in for about an hour, they have lots of people to visit (2 sets of children, grandchildren, great grandchildren) and travelling to do so don’t do this any more as it got too much. Sometimes we will travel to in-laws Boxing Day, other years there will be a pre Christmas get together.

Rest of our families get together, the decision for us to stay home was made by me, I won’t take our DDs away from their home and gift Christmas Day.