Telling kids about Santa

[SpinningFloppa]

If your older child no longer believe in Santa but you have a younger child what do you do? I know children get to an age where they no longer believe so how do you tell them the truth without the younger one finding out?

WTF? Pagan solstice festivities (bringing greenery indoors, lighting fires, feasting together) all existed long before Xmas was fabricated.

The Christians literally stole it through violence and threat and layered their —made up story— on top. So it was stolen. If it hadn’t have been, nobody would have any sort of Xmas now!

See also Easter.

(What sort of paganism centres Xmas rather than the solstice?)

We only ever did stocking presents from santa - rest they always knew were from us or other relatives. That way they never asked Santa for ridiculous things and knew more expensive requests were our call not Santas
my eldest figured it at 7- don’t know exactly but I think he saw me writing all the responses to the dear Santa letters at school 🤣🤣. I just said “ do you want to join in the fun with younger db to pretend Santa exists”, he was up for it and enjoyed the game for another few years adding to his younger db’s “magic” . Probably a nice thing for elder children.
mind you, up until they left home for good after Uni, I always told them if they said they didnt believe in Santa they’d be no stocking presents - I’d go though this ritual every year of dangling the stockings and making them roll their eyes and humour me 🤣🤣🤣🙄. Added to my magic 🤷🏼‍♀️

I saw something the other day "Different people believe different things." It doesn't have to be a battle of wills, not everyone in the house has to believe in Santa for someone to believe in Santa.

If you think your DC would respond positively I might extend it to try "Different people believe different things. Currently <sibling> believes in Santa, so please don't try to convince them otherwise because believing makes them happy."

I’m not religious, I don’t believe in any God, I’m 40 and know how the Santa thing works ;) I want to take it out of the real world and into the world of magic and mystery.

Its not about religion or politics, nor is the tooth fairy or the Easter bunny.

Santa Claus might not jet round the globe in person but yet gifts arrive and stockings are filled. It’s a bit of magic, it’s a bit of frippery. Something moves the hands that fill the stockings and something prompts the tales we tell when the days start to shorten.

Who is to say that carrying on a tradition that brings joy is not actually a kind of magic?

I get a bit sick of oh the poor pagans, it was all stolen from them. The pagans didn't invent the solstice, it happens and people celebrate the change it brings. We all experience that and we are all absolutely entitled to celebrate it however we want as long as we aren't hurting anyone. No one is telling pagans they can't celebrate however they want to celebrate and no one needs to be telling anyone else, Christians or anything else.

Your oldest sounds a bit spiteful. I thought you were going to say 6, not 10!
I think you need to work on that character trait with him. Most siblings wouldn't take joy in ruining something they enjoyed for younger siblings.
You need a nice long chat with him, passing on the baton so to speak. Get him to help you keep the magic alive, get him involved in reading to the younger ones about Christmas and Santa, coming up with some craft activities they can all do together. Making biscuits for Santa, and of course very grown up as he is the only one old enough to take things in and out of the oven. He can lead and supervise the entire thing. Will be great for his bonding with them which he certainly needs.

I’m not sure he is spiteful he is autistic so he doesn’t have the same understanding as other children and I don’t think he’s intentionally trying to be mean.

If he doesnt realise it - point out that is what he is doing. Have a chat with very clear expectations and what he needs to do.

I wonder if you have much experience with children with autism? While you or I might understand that keeping the Santa secret is a kind thing, I can well see why a child with autism might see this as harming their sibling, who they love, and also as asking them to be part of a lie, which is against their moral code.

My autistic brother told me the truth about Father Christmas when I was three. I know that he did this as an act of love, because he thought it was wrong to lie to me. I am certain that he would have made the same choice, even if threatened with an excessively severe punishment like "no presents" because it was, for him, a selfless act, and because his morals were very important to him.

he did this as an act of love, because he thought it was wrong to lie to me.

This is where the "Different people believe different things" works well. The Santa thing is mainly an issue when it has to be black and white. The closest comparison I can make is religion. I'm not religious, but I don't believe in a god. That doesn't mean there isn't a god (or gods), I can only speak for myself and say that I don't believe in god.

Not believing in something, isn't the same as it categorically not existing. We teach our children that other people's beliefs should be respected. Even if it is something as frivolous as Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny etc.

Likewise, you can speak to the younger child who's been told Santa doesn't exist and say "Different people believe in different things. Do you believe in Santa?" (You can extend that to a little white lie of "I believe in Santa" if you feel comfortable with it). Eventually, they'll still get to an age where they realise Santa isn't real.

how many people celebrate the solstice?!

how many kids know about the solstice as opposed to the baby in the manger story?

I had this situation, I told my older DC that little Billy still believes . Gradually little Billy stopped believing as well.

You can have whatever view you like, but I do exactly as I please and I suggest you do the same. I personally don't feel the need to get overanimated about what has happened in the past, I don't want negativity in my favourite time of the year. Plus, I don't regard something that I still have as stolen.

Hi OP my 10 year old told me santa isn't real and asked many questions and I didn't want to lie anymore I thought it was the right time to explain. You may find that when you tell him, the satisfaction of being right might stop him telling the younger ones if you explain that as they still believe he shouldn't tell them otherwise. I've never been roped into elf on a shelf but I thought it was a good way for my 10 year old to feel involved in bringing the magic. So she does this each night and loves the reaction of her younger sister. She also hands out the calander in the morning to help find the dates. I think the younger ones will continue to believe whether the older one says its not anyway because most children believe at a young age just try and make the older one feel involved in bringing the magic the responsibility may excite him too