My name is Mr Jangles.
I'm an elf
On a shelf
I've been assigned to an ancient couple. They must be in their fifties.
Their kids have grown up.
This was supposed to be a fun assignment, as in a break from frikking cookies and milk and spelling out twee words.
This was supposed to be booze and late nights and chocolates and maybe edibles.
The teetotalling bastards haven't even subscribed to Shudder for me!
They still haven't put the Christmas tree up!
What can I do to those lazy, teetotalling, dog-walking bastards to liven up my stay?
I know IANBU but I didn't want to post there so help me out please