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Original poster

Sister wants to change our New Years Eve plans

34 replies

User125179313 · 08/12/2022 17:03

For the past several years we've spent NYE with my sister and her family and each year we alternate whose house we go to. Last year we didn't get to spend NYE together as my DD had covid so my sister etc went to her friend's house instead. This year we agreed (about a month ago) that we would go to theirs on christmas day and they would come to us on NYE. My sister has just sent me a message saying that her friend and her son are very keen to join us for NYE and would we mind going to her house instead so the friend can come. She offered to come to us on Christmas day instead. I know it sounds childish but I feel a bit annoyed because she clearly invited her friend before even talking to us about it. She's already done this for another event (with the same friend) where we had booked to go to a Christmas show with the all grandparents and she invited this friend without asking anyone else. I don't know why we should rearrange our plans just to accommodate her friend - I was looking forward to not having to cook on Christmas day! I know it's not really a big deal and we'll end up agreeing to it because I don't want to be awkward but I feel a bit put out about it!

OP posts:
Adultchildofelderlyparents · 08/12/2022 17:15

If you don't want to change plans just say no! You don't need to agree to something because you're worried about seeming awkward.
If I have invited someone to my home for a celebration, I would have little tolerance for them asking to change my plans in order to accommodate someone who I had not invited and probably don't know.

Canthave2manycats · 08/12/2022 17:21

Would you be willing to have the friend and son at your home on NYE?

Newusernameaug · 08/12/2022 17:23

So go to your sisters for Christmas Day and for NYE you can either go there again or do something different?
why make such a big deal if she also wants her friend to join in too.
luckily my dsis and I both make an effort to get on with each other’s friends and so don’t have this issue, it really shocks me that you’d get so offended that she wanted to include someone who clearly doesn’t have other plans, let’s hope you’re never left alone.

Leeds2 · 08/12/2022 17:38

I would still go to your sister's for Christmas Day, as you obviously want to!
For NYE I would either cancel, gracefully, and do your own thing or invite the friend and her son to your's.
If it were me, I would probably cancel. It really irritates me when people ask "extras" as it changes what I had thought I was agreeing to!

Mojoj · 08/12/2022 17:41

Why can't your sister's pal and son just come to yours on NYE? It's Hogmanay - the more, the merrier!

Original poster
User125179313 · 08/12/2022 17:44

To be honest, they probably could just come to ours. The way my sister asked, made it sound like that wasn't an option. I think because they live walking distance from her house so they can walk home but they would need to get a cab from our house as we live further away and don't have space for everyone to sleep.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 08/12/2022 17:50

There's a HUGE difference between hosting christmas day and nye! Would she now be expecting you to do all the cooking?

Is this friend just a 'friend' given the keeps joining your family events ?

StreamingCervix · 08/12/2022 17:50

Yeah, I wouldn’t be changing Christmas Day. If she wants to do New Years at hers that’s fine, I’d either attend or I’d say no worries we’ll do our own thing.

DowntonCrabby · 08/12/2022 17:55

For the love of baby Jesus don’t even dream of agreeing to host/cook on Christmas Day if that wasn’t the original plan!
Just extend the invite to her DF and maybe some of your own friends or others if it was meant to just be the two families and there’s a chance she’ll flake.

Sprouttreesareamazing · 08/12/2022 18:03

Just suggested this year you all do your own things. Stay home Christmas day and nye..

caringcarer · 08/12/2022 18:17

Just tell your sister you had really been looking forward to not cooking Xmas day. Day you don't want to change plans but happy to accommodate their friends coming to you on NYE as well as sister.

ivykaty44 · 08/12/2022 18:24

just invite the friend and son along to your home

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 08/12/2022 19:22

Yes, just say you considered it but want to stick with the first plan except include the ds's friend and son.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/12/2022 20:07

Don’t host Christmas if that wasn’t the plan, no way. Duck out of NYE, do your own things.

Wibbly1008 · 08/12/2022 20:20

Politely bow out. You won’t enjoy being at a strangers home for your NYE and why would you want to change the Christmas you planned. Sadly your sis is trying to bend everyone to fit her friend, so dont do this and politely decline as you have “other plans” .

Blowthemandown · 08/12/2022 22:04

@User125179313 can’t you say that you are happy if she wants NY at hers as well as Christmas Day but you don’t want to take on christmas day as you’d got used to the idea of not doing it?

Dontsparethehorses · 09/12/2022 06:02

like others have said - tell her you don’t really want to change Christmas Day plans but very happy for friend to join at yours on nye if they would like to! You end up seeming generous and the friend can decide if they want to join original plans or not. If your sister has already invited them to hers she will then have to deal with that…

stayathomer · 09/12/2022 06:08

If it’s a big deal to have her Christmas Day then don’t but I think you are being unreasonable. This being said as a person who’s gotten stuck into Christmas routines because: ‘but we always do x or y’ from relatives. Plus she’s changing it 3 weeks in advance, I find it crazy how people act like she’s calling you up the night before- there’s plenty of notice!

wildseas · 09/12/2022 06:12

id say that I wasn’t up for changing Xmas plans this late on but happy to either do both at her house, or for friend to come to yours on nye

if this is the second time it’s happened i expect there is a reason she’s doing it. Could they actually be a couple but she’s not ready to tell you yet, or friend is having a really tough time or something?

GrinAndVomit · 09/12/2022 06:19

What’s the problem with doing Christmas and NYE at your sister’s? Are you a bit territorial and jealous of her friendships?

Outtasteamandluck · 09/12/2022 06:45

So much drama.

MichelleScarn · 09/12/2022 07:37

GrinAndVomit · 09/12/2022 06:19

What’s the problem with doing Christmas and NYE at your sister’s? Are you a bit territorial and jealous of her friendships?

That's not what's on offer, the sis wants op to host Christmas now with 3 weeks notice and she'll now do the significantly less stressful and expensive nye party!

GrinAndVomit · 09/12/2022 07:42

MichelleScarn · 09/12/2022 07:37

That's not what's on offer, the sis wants op to host Christmas now with 3 weeks notice and she'll now do the significantly less stressful and expensive nye party!

Show quote history

Calm down

“She offered to come to us on Christmas day instead”

She’s not wanting or demanding, just offering. OP can say “No. Its fine. Christmas Day at yours and a NYE party sounds great. I’ll bring what I’ve already bought for it.”
Or
”I was really looking forward to Christmas at yours so let’s stick to that. We’ll stay home on NYE though because we fancy a quiet one”

So much unnecessary bitterness and anger.

MichelleScarn · 09/12/2022 07:46

'Calm down'? Am fine thanks.

ShandaLear · 09/12/2022 07:55

Happy to still come to yours for Christmas Day. You can bring your friend to ours for nye if you want - or - we’ll miss you on nye.