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Christmas

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Original poster

Christmas alone with toddler

31 replies

OakTreex · 07/12/2022 07:47

So I'm a single parent with absolutely no support and the only family I have (brother and nieces) are with the in-laws this year. I'm 31 and do have one living parent but my mum died a year ago and my dad is basically not bothered with us.

So this year it's just me and my toddler.

I feel fine about it myself tbh, I don't think I'll bother with a turkey just do a standard roast chicken dinner and add some pigs in blankets. DC has lots of presents to open.

I just feel so guilty for my DC - will they feel lonely? Be missing out just stuck with me? They're not getting the joy of a big family Xmas and is that my fault for leaving their (abusive) dad? Maybe I should've stayed.

Just a lot of mum guilt here, wondering if anyone is in a similar boat or how your kids feel if you're a single mum.

OP posts:
GAW19 · 07/12/2022 07:50

They will absolutely love spending the day with you!
Presents, food, yummy snacks, Christmas film. Toddlers get so over whelmed too when theres so many people/gifts and excitement going on.
Maybe get a little game you can both play together too? Smile

Tiredallofthetime · 07/12/2022 07:51

I think it is really hard and lonely spending all day with a toddler. Your toddler will be absolutely fine and sounds like he has a lovely Mum. But you may feel a bit low Flowers

Is there anything you could maybe do in the day, go to a church service maybe or a Christmas walk to feed ducks? Just to break the day up a bit.

FirstTimeMaybes · 07/12/2022 07:52

Aw lovely. Firstly sending you a big, unmumsnetty Christmas hug.

And then to add my view of it.

To me it sounds like your child will be having a wonderful Christmas.

Presents and a day spent with the person that loves them most. Isn't that exactly what Christmas is about?

Better a small happy time than a big unhappy one.

We never see anyone on the 25th. Like to keep it small and then various visits at other times. So don't be thinking that everyone is having big events on the 25th. We're always just home alone. Makes it muuuch more relaxed and we prefer it that way.

My DC certainly wouldn't say they've missed out having quieter Christmas days. The days we do spend with extended family gets noisy and hectic and this time of year a day to snuggle and take things as they come is much needed. X

Mumteedum · 07/12/2022 07:55

It's a far better as safe with his lovely mum than treading on eggshells with an abusive man in the house

I get what you are saying. It's just me and my boy and although I have family, it is getting harder to be with them for various reasons. So it'll be the two of us this year. I feel sad when I see other people and their numerous people but it's just how it is. My dad has never complained. It's all he knows. He will see his dad for a couple of hours but there won't be family there either.

You're not the only one.

Start a thread on Xmas day! I'll pop in ☺️

Pidgeonslipshit · 07/12/2022 07:56

You are an amazing Mum for doing the right thing and leaving your abusive partner so your toddler is in a happy home.m
Toddlers get really overexcited and over stimulated at Christmas which can be scary for all involved!
You can have a lovely day ,just the two of you watching a toddler friendly Christmas film ,, eating treats and just buy a few crackers and enjoy your roast .

silverclock222 · 07/12/2022 07:57

I would much rather have done this as a child than be miserable with by abusive dad so no your child will have a lovely day. Just enjoy it for the special time it is, no guilt required.

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 07/12/2022 07:59

Your toddler won't feel they are missing out because this is their norm, they will be happy spending the day with the person they love most in the world. I agree with getting out for a walk with them during the day, either as someone suggested to feed the ducks or to go see the Christmas lights a little later. I'd be tempted to have lots of little things planned for the day. Not sure how old toddler is but maybe things like they help you do some baking together or decorate gingerbread men, a Christmas bath with fairy lights and Christmas rubber ducks, Christmas day hand prints together, Christmas day messy play if you feel adventurous... I also wouldn't bother with the roast dinner, so much effort for two of you - I'd do yourself a really yummy buffet/picky lunch - incl those pigs in blankets but all yours and your toddler's fave foods.

Benjaminsniddlegrass · 07/12/2022 08:00

Sorry meant to add by leaving an abusive relationship you have given your child the best Christmas present they will ever get. They will grow up feeling safe and secure, there is nothing more important than that.

Fivemoreminutes1 · 07/12/2022 08:43

With just the two of you, your toddler can receive your undivided attention. With a large family gathering, your attention would be split in so many ways, and you’d also have to have half a mind on what’s going on in the kitchen.
Big family gatherings can be the source of aggravation, stress and arguments and it’s surprising how much of this small children pick up, even if we pretend everything’s well and good. Your toddler will get to be with ‘relaxed Mummy’, not ‘stressed mummy grinning through gritted teeth!’ like in our household every other year!
Also, Christmas is about more than just what happens on the 25th. It’s about all the magical stuff that happens in the run up - the letter writing, gingerbread making, tree decorating, Santa visiting.
Above all, your toddler will be safe, fed and loved. Not all toddlers get that at Christmas.

ConstableGoody · 07/12/2022 09:08

Well done for leaving your ex, you absolutely did the right thing. You have provided your child with a safe loving home and afforded to buy her presents and a big roast dinner on your own, that’s brilliant!

Your baby doesn’t know big family Christmases are a thing, so she isn’t going to feel she is missing out, and if she is anything like mine she would be overwhelmed. The year we had a lot of people he refused to open any presents or engage in any forced Christmas fun then fell asleep under the table during Christmas dinner. She will have a wonderful time having mummy all day and presents and new toys, and more chocolate than usual!

PandaOrLion · 07/12/2022 09:11

I don’t think that they’ll know at that age either. IME it’s about 6/7 when they start comparing Christmases with friends (I remember being upset that one friend had wrapped socking presents and I didn’t!). At this age it’s whatever you make it.

Rockingcloggs · 07/12/2022 09:12

Pressies, hugs, roast, treats and warm and cosy telly watching with your toddlers favourite ever person - YOU!!!

How can that not be the best day ever?! Your day sounds, in all seriousness, beautiful.

pbdr · 07/12/2022 09:17

A whole day of presents, tasty food and mum's undivided attention - sounds like toddler heaven! Have a lovely day :)

IDontDrinkTea · 07/12/2022 09:26

I’ll be honest - I actually think that your Christmas actually sounds better for a child that age than a big ‘traditional’ Christmas. My own child found the big family get together a quite overwhelming. She didn’t like Grandmas insistence that we each sit in a circle and take it in turns to open one present each. She didn’t want to eat a roast dinner as the only poultry she would eat comes in nugget form. The Queen’s speech was boring and she wanted to watch Peppa instead. Etc etc etc - you get the idea.

Instead, Christmas when we were all in lockdown was much simpler as we could just do what suited our family. So we skipped the proper roast and just cooked a meal everyone enjoys. We opened presents as she wanted because at that age she wanted to open one then play with it for half an hour then go back and open another. We went out for a scooter ride at about 5pm when it was dark and looked at the Christmas lights. It was a much nicer day as we could just please ourselves rather than have to fit into any one else’s expectations.

Anyway what I’m trying to say in a very long winded way is don’t feel guilty, your child will still have a wonderful Christmas

bloodywhitecat · 07/12/2022 09:31

I am in a similar position, I am a single foster carer to a little one with complex disabilities and, this Christmas will be just me and LO after DH died earlier this year. I understand your feelings of guilt but I don't think our LOs will be any the wiser, they are just going to have a beautiful day with no expectations on them to be anything other than themselves.

Stompythedinosaur · 07/12/2022 10:09

You are all your toddler needs. They will be delighted to have your full attention for a day.

Comedycook · 07/12/2022 10:11

Well I think your brother should ask his in laws if you could join them all...that's what I'd do if I was him. It not like hoards of extra people...one extra adult and a little one.

dottiedodah · 07/12/2022 10:53

A friend went to the cinema on Christmas Day! A list of them appears on the Odean website.TBH I expect many people may be a smidgeon envious of you! Otherwise some treats for Toddler at Breakfast, Presents , a little walk .Back home for nibbles and lunch .Nap for little one .You have a rest .Then teatime sarnies and a little game .Have a good day!

Sugargliderwombat · 07/12/2022 10:56

They will love it !! As a PP said plan to take them out for a walk, everyone is very festive on a walk on Christmas morning.

Wetblanket78 · 07/12/2022 11:16

He will have his dinner with you and have gifts to open. Your DC will be happy and too young to understand.

OnlyFannys · 07/12/2022 11:20

I've been there OP and it can be lonely but you can still have the most lovely Christmas with your child. I can assure you that the presence of an abusive parent will have made for awful Christmases and you have down so well to walk away. Have a think about some fun Christmas games you can play and some festive crafts you can do on the day. Get some crackers to pull with your lunch and have a cosy Christmas evening with a glass of wine once they are in bed.

northernsquirrel · 07/12/2022 11:26

@OakTreex couldn't read and run. Far better for you and the little one to be free from the abusive father but I understand how you feel about the idea of being alone that day.
Make sure you start a thread on here on Christmas Day so we can all wish you a merry Christmas. Not sure if you're happy to say roughly which region you are but maybe there is a church service or nice place to take your little one on the day?

Cornelious · 07/12/2022 11:28

I'm sure your dc will have lovely day. Presents, nice food and time with their mum. In your head I'd try and plan the day so- wake up, open presents, have breakfast, play time, go for a walk, home for dinner/ lunch, nice bath then a Xmas movie/ cartoon/ more play. Make sure you get yourself some nice drinks/ snacks to enjoy in the evening :-)

ILOVECHEESE79 · 07/12/2022 12:19

Of course you shouldn't have stayed with her abusive father.
She's a toddler. She won't remember this Christmas.
But, her experience of the day, will be spending the whole day in a warm, safe place with the person she loves most in the world.
For the first 4.5 years of my twins' lives, it's just been the 3 of us and we have celebrated differently each time. But, it's always just been us and I've loved that.
I've got zero biological family and, as there Father is European, their paternal family are all abroad.
Maybe my kids will feel like they are missing out as they get older and become more aware of things, but I can't control that, so I'll try my best.
Christmas isn't about how many people you are with or how many bloody presents there are under the tree; it's about who you are with and what you mean to each other.
I hope you and your kid have a great day.
💚

Isthatmcormac · 07/12/2022 12:42

A whole day of Mummy sounds like a toddlers dream @OakTreex 😊 what age is your toddler?

I have a 2year old and DH works offshore and will be away every 2nd Christmas. We have no other family close by. DH is home this year but will just be DS and I next year. My plan for the day would be:

  • nice breakfast
  • some presents
  • out for a walk (probably to collect sticks knowing my DS lol)
  • A toddler friendly game (highly recommend Pop-Up Pirate if you don’t have it 😊)
  • christmassy film while roast cooks then have a lovely dinner together.

Lots of play in between! And a nice big bubble bath to finish off the day.

Your little one isn’t missing out on anything. They’re loved and cared for which is exactly what they need 😊