Can anyone who has difficulties with Christmas chat to me about how to make it happen please?

[parrotonmyshoulder]

I know that many, many people have it much worse, have already counted my blessings etc etc.
We are going to my parents this year. Probably 20th to 25th. Have to travel back Christmas Day (7 hours) for work 26th.
DC break up 16th. Ages 13 and 10.

I have done nothing, bought nothing, thought nothing about it, except for organising dog kennelling while away.

The DC have advent calendars and we also found a reusable lovely one given to us last year which is in the middle of the table.

Christmas jigsaw started yesterday with younger DC. He keeps asking why I ‘don’t like Christmas’ but I’m trying hard not to give that impression. I just have now idea how to change it.

We have a local Christmas market this evening that he wants to go to. DD says she does but is likely to change her mind, which is fine if she doesn’t want to. Maybe that’ll help.

I’m not depressed. I do have ADHD which doesn’t help with forward planning, memory and organisation. I work full time at least 50 hours per week, as does DH.

DC can’t think of any presents they’d like. We don’t buy for many relatives any more but will for our parents and 7 nephews and nieces (small gifts).

i sound like such a grinch but can’t see how to improve it.

I'd sack off a seven hour trip on Christmas Day - that's madness.

You don't need to go mad with breakfasts / jigsaws / trips. It's only the 2nd of December!!!

We have an advent calendar on the go and that's it. I refuse to put the tree up until later this month.

What is it you want to do? What's the issue?

Not fair on any of you to be doing that much travelling on Xmas day, I just wouldn’t do it.

Yeah, I’m not going mad. There is no breakfast. My child just wanted to do a Christmas jigsaw.
Can’t help the trip. It isn’t madness if we want to visit family.

When people live that far away, there is always travelling. Some families do a lot more than that!

Yeah but how do you have a Christmas day with that much travelling? Go on the 20th and back on the 24th and have the day in your own home.

There are other people to consider.
The driving will be at the end of the day. Christmas Dinner happening on Christmas Eve.

I understand the trip back it just sounds hard going. Christmas songs help me.

Write a list of gift receivers and think of 2 ideas for each. (amazon can be good if you type gifts for 6 year old)
Aim to get it sorted next week online if finances allow.
Tesco express for wrap, tags and tape. Wrap once arrived.

Netflix or prime christmas movies or freesat and get the kiddos to sit down the next couple of sundays before tea and watch them.

Other things to try, christmas lights by car, book a light show, local carol service.

Put tree up next sun with a christmas movie.

Might be completely off the mark because I have adhd too and literally this is how I organise myself.

The Christmas bargains thread is a lifesaver, since it gives present ideas as well as shopping tips.

What are your kids into? Can we help you out with some ideas here on this thread?

Lists really. Putting up the tree if you'll still have one, nice to come home to . No food to plan for the run up and day if you are away but might need to plan for food at home on boxing day. Make sure you know where the stockings are, buy the bits for this . Block out shopping days /late night shopping in diary. Do your clothes washing so you have enough to go away with. Have the children got any extra things planned like school disco or with scouts , thus seems all that is needed.

Not everybody likes Flylady, but i find her 'holiday missions' incredibly helpful and wish I'd known about them when my children were small. So here you go just in case it might be useful!
I have ADHD tendencies too, coupled with some some uncomfortable Christmas memories, so I've really struggled over the years. I can only cope with decorations when I reframe them as being for brightening up Christmas.

Hello, Fellow ADHDer here.

I use the organised mum organised Christmas list to help me. I ignore plenty of stuff that's not our kind of thing but it helps me make sure I have the basics covered.

Thank you. Really helpful. I like the idea of one simple thing each weekend. We will put the tree up before last week of school. Kids have got lots of school stuff going on but both ND too so nothing ever straightforward!
We have space for lots of decorations and last year gathered woodland greenery for garlands. We should do that again.

Doh! I meant i reframe decorations as being for brightening up winter!
Can I also recommend looking up Beth Kempton's book (and podcast) called Calm Christmas- they were recommended on an other thread and are lovely!

It does come down to lists, diaries and forward planning.

Start by getting the diary out and put everything in it so that you are not surprised by the nativity play or town lights up if you want to go. Then look at the time you have and make a list of what you need to do. My son has ADHD so I know that time planning can be hard but use that focus and get the whole family to help if they are old enough.

Be ruthless about present buying and do as much as possible online so that you just have a few bits to finish off on one day where you can check out the shops and feel a bit Christmassy.

Book your Christmas food shop so that you are not doing a big shop in person before Christmas.

Lists, lists, lists.

When is Christmas for you? Is it December and all back to normal by Boxing Day or can you cut yourself some slack by treating the week between Christmas and New Year as most of the traditional religious feast of Christmas which lasted from Christmas Day until Epiphany. Christmas is a week in our house and is mostly loafing around, eating leftovers, going for walks, watching old movies and visiting friends and family. It depends on jobs of course but you can have the toned down version which might help the stress of making one day perfect.

hope you are getting through OP, and can get some clarity and maybe also some comfort from knowing this thread is looking to be very useful of others in the ‘zac same Christmas adhd mum boat! Thank you 🌲

Also do sort gifts everyone if buying online next week. Several RM strikes the week after which apparently could in turn mean all couriers struggle. (-So the lovely post office said yesterday)

We’ll have our more chilled part after Christmas when we’re home again.
As chilled as it ever feels in our house, anyway!
If it’s a good year, I might get the tree put away by Easter (nod to the ADHD mums…)

Ask your children how they want to celebrate Xmas.

Dh struggles with the whole decorating aspect, which I love. I struggle with the organisational aspect and knowing what to buy. Dh loves the shopping!

I have an Xmas spread sheet which lists who we are buying for each year - names get added or removed when we start shopping.

I've found it really helpful as we often pick up bargains through the year for Xmas so I add it to the sheet. It also helps keep spending in check.

Work out what you want to eat and organise either a delivery or note when you are going to do that shop. Again, anything prepacked and frozen/store cupboard ingredients can be bought over a few weeks rather than all in one shop. Fresh food we do 2-3 days beforehand. Veg is stored in cold garage and is still fresh when needed.

Our turkey is cooked Xmas eve and reheated in gravy on the day. Saves time and kids love it.

Ultimately, you create the Christmas you enjoy. Not what social media and movies tell you it should be. And maybe, that's a conversation to have with your children. It's difficult, especially for younger ones, when their friends parents are throwing up entire houses of lights and decorations on on the first of November (yes, some people do) and have a pile of presents under the tree by the beginning of December. But you can help your child manage their expectations in line with yours and compromise where necessary.

(Also an adhd-er). I feel your pain.

I haven't been shopping, no decorations etc. it's only the 2nd don't worry!

I will do an Amazon order early next week for gifts, we might drag the decorations out tonight and get a takeaway (rare here) I am singing in a concert though planned

Christmas day the roads are empty.
Christmas eve a nightmare ....

I dont get this, Im ADHD and the exact opposit... I LOVE xmas and have pretty much everything sorted.

If anything xmas is far easier than the rest of the year as its all set routine occuring on exact dates so no room for procrastination.

Wow, why is tree going away by Easter a nod.to.adhd mum's?

I've had mine up for as long as it's cheering us up.

I won't have what I do in.my home dixztee

Dictated by strange events and times from centuries ago.