Unwanted toys

[SpinningFloppa]

Every year my mum buys my kids presents that aren’t suitable (age wise) so say bob the builder toys for my 8 year old, or fisher price preschool toys for my 5 year old. My kids are too old for this stuff and most of the stuff she buys my kids have never been into (bob the builder 😣) and never play with, this year I really don’t have the space for it, would it be mean to give them away to the charity shop? I don’t want my house overrun with unused toys space is tight as it is, what do others do in this situation? I don’t want to seem ungrateful but I haven’t got the space for toys that just sit around and never get played with.

Can't you just talk to your mum & tell her what your children are into, what they'd like/need etc?

Just tell her

If I tell her she will be hurt and think I’m ungrateful

So, still tell her! She's wasting her money and you are saving her from that

I’ve sold duplicate toys on Vinted & used the money to get other toys instead.

Just tell her that both your dc are particularly keen on x toys at the moment, so here is a short list of the sort of thing they would love to receive.

How can she object too that?

Yes have a word & help her by pointing in right direction for what your little ones are into . Definitely the charity shop for outgrown or never used toys . Helps the charity but more so people who can’t afford a lot can treat their children for Christmas 🎄

She doesn’t ask what my kids like so I don’t want to give her a list of things to get them? Seems a bit rude, is there a nice/ kind way to just tell her she doesn’t need to buy for them??

Do your kids write to Santa or have Christmas lists. If so can you just send her a photo of the list? Or of not can you send her or tell her the things they are into. You don't need to hurt her feelings just say something like if you were wondering what to get X for Christmas they have said they would really like xxx or at the moment they are really into Marvel/ Ninjago or whatever

No they don’t write, they don’t even know what they want 😂 I don’t really want to send a list to someone that hasn’t asked for one it seems a tad cheeky!

Be polite but direct. "Mum, with the cost of living crisis, please don't feel you have to buy for DGC, they have so much etc etc"

If she says I want to buy then:

"DC are super picky at moment, can I give you some suggestions of things they would like?"

Then if she still doesn't get it you'll have to say "mum, it's so kind of you to buy for DGC but some of the toys are a bit young/ old etc, i don't want you to waste your money, please use my suggestions or don't buy".

That's a bit rude yes, but otherwise you'll be stuck in this situation year after year.

Otherwise suggest money for savings?

So you're happy for her to waste her money?

Definitely suggest some ideas. Surely she would prefer they get something they want?

Give them to a charity shop or toy stall at the primary school xmas fair or sell them.
Then you need to be blunt with her.
"Mum the toys you buy are much to babyish for the children. I can give you some suggestions or we could go shopping together but seriously...you gift them things for pre school age kids"
She will either ignore you, sulk or go for your suggestion.
But at least you tried.

Where did I say that? I would rather she doesn’t buy for them but don’t want to be rude asking her not to and have asked for a polite way to say it, she is choosing to waste her money by buying random preschool toys for a 5 year old rather than asking what they would like/ are in to. She can’t be that fussed as my kids have never been into the stuff she is buying

I would suggest giving her suggestions.

I hate giving people lists but next time you speak to her could you say "Dc love bluey at the moment ( insert age appropriate tv show or similar) if your looking for for any inspiration mum this Christmas you wouldn't go wrong with xxx)

And I asked what others do whose relAtives send their children things they don’t like, how do you handle that, the people commenting I guess have never been in this situation as sending a Christmas list to someone that hasn’t asked is pretty cheeky, so please only comment if you have had this situation and what you said to the person, I’m happy for her not to buy at all just thinking of how best to word it.

My comment above is because I have been in this situation and hate giving lists so instead I drop hints to try and divert to gifts they will love .

I remember being given a plastic toy telephone as a present when it at least 10. I was gutted. Mum's "look" quickly reminded me of my manners, and I said, "thank you" and we quietly donated it to an appeal.

If you can't talk to your mum, I would quietly pass the gifts on after having said thank you. No biggie.

Lidl have started collecting new toys for local children. I would put them in there collection box at the store.

As I said upthread you just need to be blunt with her.
Otherwise on your child's 21st Birthday or Wedding Day and they are slightly tipsy and they come out with " Hey Nan, do you remember those terrible presents you gave us as kids. We always laughed cos they were do babyish. Mum gave them all to the charity shop" and your mum says..."What? Why didn't you tell me? I thought you liked them. No one ever said".

This reminds me a lot of my MIL, she is different in that she tries hard but misses the mark a lot of the time bless her!
She was very upset when we suggested that DC would love a special trip out with her for the day, to the beach to play mini golf for example, and told us DC would feel unloved if she didn't give them anything to unwrap!
DSS solved this beautifully when he was 4, he opened a set of Peppa Pig books (he has never liked them), he went and hugged her and said "thank you nanny but this is rubbish, I like fireman Sam". I wanted to die but the next year she asked for a list! I would honestly gently suggest along the lines of @Ljc1985 's post

Stick them in Vinted and buy something relevant or just donate. My mil has form for this.

Relatives who are more distant than my own mother - suck it up, donate toys or clothes to the thrift shop.

My own mother - I would tell her honestly. She's not a random relative. Plus she and I have sturdy boundaries; she is in charge of maintaining her own equilibrium and I don't try to take on that role.

I am a bit concerned that you are pussy footing around your mother here. You're afraid of her for some reason, or you have shouldered the burden of maintaining a harmonious relationship with her.

You do not want to rock the boat. Why?

Maybe ask for book tokens, explain to your mum that you really want to encourage their reading yada yada. At least then the kids can get something they like.