My family are impossible

[Haycorns4Piglet]

None of them need/want/will use anything I can get, but they'd all be deeply hurt if I suggested we didn't do presents. It's so hideous and stressful, a bloody chore I could do without. The only one of them who has a hobby is my SIL - hers is baking those insanely artistic fancy cakes - but she buys anything she needs relating to that because, well, she's an adult and adults tend to buy themselves what they want!

I don't know what to do! I wish I could suggest we all just chip in to a family holiday for the summer, and call that a joint present for all of us, but it'd go down like a bloody lead balloon. They'll be hurt and offended if I go the voucher or hamper route. Urgh, I hate this stupid charade!

Anyone else in the same boat as me, wishing they could just press a button and jump ahead to spring?

How about going for an Oxfam unwrapped presents all round. There are lots of suggestions for gifts that really change people's lives for the better

onlineshop.oxfam.org.uk/unwrapped/category/oxfam-unwrapped?pscid=ps_ggl_Google+-+Oxfam+Unwrapped+-+Extended+Brand+-+2022_toilets_phrase&crm_event_code=20REUWWS06&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIm57_mL66-wIVyJ7tCh1_wQy2EAAYASAAEgL2f_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Pjs?

Their favorite consumables - then they will use them and they like them.

Agree. Food and drink always goes down well. Our family have started doing hampers for each other at Xmas

My family are the same. I’m sick of trying to buy nice things that they don’t ever use. So this year I’m just buying them their favourite alcoholic drink. It’s also taken the pressure off as I hate Christmas shopping.

Edibles no use, my sister still has things left over from a hamper I did for her a decade ago! I've ended up using the stuff I bought for my dad after it's timed out previously too. And my mum takes it as a massive insult if I give her food, like I'm calling her greedy or something (I think she has an eating disorder). Alcohol no good either as half of them are bloody addicts and we've come to blows over that previously.

Only my sister wears PJs, and I don't know what she's already got.

They are a nightmare bunch, they really are! There has never in the whole of history been a tougher lot to treat.

An experience type present- depending on your budget

I think people who are not grateful or appreciative of anything don’t deserve any effort. Just stick a tenner in a card and tell them to treat themselves to something they’d like. What’s the point in tying yourself in knots to avoid offending them if they are not bothered about offending you by not using or liking anything you get them?

@Haycorns4Piglet ask them for ideas and make it clear that if they don’t tell you what they want they’ll be getting vouchers.

What sort of gifts do they give you? Just give similar back ... they can hardly complain.

One chocolate each from a box of Celebrations, surely?

Why not suggest, given the cost of living crisis, doing a Secret Santa? At least then you;d only have to buy one present, and everyone still gets to enjoy opening a gift.

Buy them nice versions of stuff they already use

Agree with a PP, what do they buy you so that we can get an idea of cost, the sort of thing they think is suitable etc?
Books. Maybe a cookbook for SIL, as I am guessing that if she likes baking, she might like general cooking. Could theme a hamper eg Thai recipe book, noodles, Thai paste, serving bowls, chopsticks etc. As a joint present for a couple.
Cinema hamper with a couple of films, popcorn, sweets, hot chocolate etc.
Bird table/bird bath for the garden.
Make up set.
An Alexa.

What about just getting generic stuff -

Smelly gift sets
Scarf / hat / gloves
Books - autobiographies or cookbooks
Slippers
PJs
Candles
Fancy chocolates

I wouldn't put too much effort in if they aren't going to be grateful anyway!

Buy each of them a fucking scarf and be done with it.

+1 for the Secret Santa idea. I’ve a similar family and we’ve done this for the last few years. So much less stress for everyone.

Coffee vouchers? Book vouchers? Vouchers for a favourite restaurant? I quite like gifting a treat like this. I appreciate it isn’t exciting to unwrap but I think it’s nice to pay for someone to go and have a coffee and a cake somewhere or a nice meal out, especially when so many people are having to skip treats as we all tighten our belts financially.

Have the same issue with 'my side' who do put a lot of emphasis on adult presents. DH we only buy for his grown up DC and PIL. These days I go for things I know they like from the list below:

Favourite chocolates - for Dsis 1 Walnut whips and Dsis 2 dark chocolate. In return they put curly wurlys or dark choc in mine.

A 'nice top' from Primark so a generic jumper. Never comes in harm .

Lush or Body shop products. Sleepy body lotion, Olive Branch shower gel or Whoosh shower jelly. This year I picked up three body shop gift sets for £24 instead of £69, black Friday deal they had on.

Decent scented candles are always appreciated.

If I've seen something cute or unusual over the autumn (I never manage to buy all year round) then I'll get three or four of each. This year this was chocolate tulips from Amsterdam. Few years back some really nice soap from a gift shop in Wales.

I did used to get v stressed but then decided I woukd do a 'goodie bag' approach of getting simple but favourite things. Saves a huge deal of waste. DSis partner still impossible to buy for. So far he has socks from Amsterdam. 🙈

Just ask them what they’d like if they don’t want to stop presents. Or give them a voucher. My DH is exactly the same. Doesn’t really appreciate anything. I spent too many years searching for things that I thought he’d like but he never showed any appreciation. He buys things that he wants himself. So he now tells me something that he was going to buy himself and I get that. My family buy him things and it really isn’t worth their time and effort.

I have some like this. Not doing Christmas isn't an option but doing Christmas is almost impossible due to their tastes and other issues. I just do my best.

What about sending a book?

Can you suggest a secret santa. Use an online generator and ask everyone to create a wish list

We have done secret santa this year, my side don't want presents at all. Much better.

The grandchildren will still get presents