Anyone else slightly dreading Xmas day due to family dynamics?

[ILoveMyYuccaPlant]

Backstory:
BIL is divorced, has 2 DCs. Dniece is 16, 'D'nephew is 21 and BIL has a difficult relationship with him. Nephew is rude, argumentative, manipulative and his behaviour has contributed to a serious decline in BILs mental health. We haven't spoken to nephew in months because of his behaviour towards BIL, indeed BIL is quite low contact with his son now for sake of his MH.

BIL is coming to ours for Xmas dinner and nephew has decided to invite himself along (by all accounts, his mum is at end of her tether with him and is trying to push him onto BIL). Neither DH nor I want him under our roof but if we say no, he'll just take it out on BiL. So we suck it up for the sake of family harmony!

Anyone else in a similar position on Xmas day and want to commiserate?

Will it not be worse for your BIL (and everyone else) if he attends? If he doesn't really speak to him anyway is it not likley to cause less upset for your BIL to hear from him and ignore him rather than having to be in close contact with him all day?

@NoNamesLeft234678 you would think that would be the easier option but nephew will just bombard BIL with abusive messages and phone calls from now until after Xmas if we refuse to have him here. Plus he will have the ex on his back too which isn't good for his MH. I'm telling myself it's just one day over the festive period for BILs sake (though I grudge having to buy nephew a present - hadn't factored that in my budget tbh).

Don’t invite him. Tell BIL to block his son and if needed the ex as well as a pre-warning. All child related matters can be communicated via email. Have a lovely Xmas. If Nephew turns up and causes trouble, call the police.

If you must have difficult family round, do it before Christmas. In your shoes I'd have a change of plan for Christmas day and invite bil and son over for a meal a different day. If at the last minute you have a change of plan and decide to invite bil for Christmas day, so be it 😉

DN is not a child. Unless he has some disability or health condition which means you all have to accept his behaviour then you don’t have to.
Where does he live?

Does BIL want him there at your home ?

It sounds like everyone around him ( mum dad) is allowing him to bully and manipulate at will - why?

If this is to the detriment of your BILs health why does he see him? Why not block his phone and then he cannot receive texts?
I know families are complex and I would never cast my DC out - but they wouldn’t bully or manipulate me.

So. Either he comes along and acts like an adult Or he leaves surely?

ALL adults should be standing up to him and his poor behaviours he sounds like he is being allowed to bully your BIL with no consequences.