Bereaved at Christmas- ideas for lovely time

[fruitstick]

This will be the third Christmas since our son died

We always had lots of relatives around before he died but can't face big family groups this year.

First was Covid, second we spent with family, this year the three of us are on our own. Me, DH and Son2 (13)

Our plan is lovely breakfast, walk the dog and then dinner in the evening.

I want ideas of things to eat, drink and do to make it feel special.

We're not expecting to have a great time, but want it not to be utterly miserable for son2. A calm and cosy Christmas.

Give me your best ideas.

I’m so sorry for your loss.
Eat all your favourite foods, including those that you normally find too expensive to buy regularly.
On our Christmas - New Year meal plan:
Venison steaks braised in red wine, with roast garlic mash and red cabbage.
Honey and mustard glazed gammon with dauphinois potatoes and roast carrots
Mushroom, chestnut and goats cheese pie
Sausage and caramelised onion puff pastry plait, with creamed cabbage

For puddings:
Baileys tiramisu
Black Forest trifle
Ferrero rocher cheesecake
Persian orange, passion fruit and date fruit salad

For breakfasts:
Panettone French toast
Almond croissant with spiced berry compote
Smoked salmon and scrambled egg bagels

Get a really nice coffee, some after dinner mints and liqueurs to enjoy after meals.
Do DIY crackers so they’re personal and meaningful.
Make a Christmas playlist of all your favourite songs.
Either make or buy a pretty table centrepiece arrangement.

I hope you have a lovely day x

Sorry for your loss... honestly I would do xmas the same as we always have.

For us thats just us (me, DH and kids), get up and open gifts, breakfast, kids spend a few hours playing while we tidy up (for our teen that could be setting up gadgets, playing new computer games etc...) and start cooking usually with whatever xmas craps on tv in the back ground, then dinner and crackers followed by stockings and santa sacks then thats usually bed.

I would feel the need to go on for my living children, I know its not the same situation but we had a child then a decade of infertility, during that we had a MMC and the only reason I could face xmas after that was because of my DS giving me a reason to keep doing it.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with asking your son what he would like to do.
Also, maybe have a particular time in the day for talking about your son and remembering him and having a cry, if that would help, rather than ignoring it (as if you ever could).

I think also some really cheerful films, with no death in them. And easy and lovely food.

I would suggest sitting down as a family and brainstorming your new family Christmas. Ideas could include

• Xmas Eve Chinese takeaway
• onesie party
• games night
• casino night
• selfie sticks
• walk if you live somewhere pretty
• a particular film (could this be he year DS sees die hard)

I'm so sorry for your loss.

There's some good ideas here that might be nice to do.

It's not quite the same experience but my son was stillborn and I've found that finding ways to include him in the day is a big comfort.
He has his own special tree bauble and instead of presents for him in his stocking, it's filled with presents from him to his brothers and sister. I wanted to find a fun way to invite him rather than being all morbid and this seemed to be the way forward.
My mum always has two glasses of sherry on her display cabinet during Christmas lunch since her parents died, and since DS was born she places a sippy cup of milk too. Thats her way of including them.
Other than that, I just crack on with it as best I can and have fun with the kids. I promised my baby I would not let his brother down and I will always hold to my word.

Thank you. Those are all great suggestions.

A casino night sounds brilliant and could be a potential Christmas present.

My son's favourite part of Christmas was pigs in blankets, so we shall have some of those for breakfast with some eggs.

Sending a cuddle OP. I like your pigs in blanket idea and having a warm toasty Christmas. Asking your younger son for ideas of food and films is a lovely idea

I'm sorry for your loss. Christmas can be very difficult. My dad died 10 years ago and we always set him a place at the dinner table and place something if his there that he was well known for. This year I've ordered a special ornament for my mum and for my house in his memory. Snapfish and similar make photos into baubles. Perhaps that's something you could do: choose your favourite photo of him and have it made into a bauble for the tree or an ornament of some kind. I agree with making the foods he liked and maybe raising your glass to him. Games sound great. I hope you are able to have a happy Christmas full of love and happy memories.

Your ds is bereaved too, and will likely benefit from honesty and the safety to express his own feelings which at his age can be complex and unconventional.

Is there an option for him to spend some time with relatives if he would like a bit more bustle and fun? At 13 it’s not unlikely that he will chaff against whatever you are doing. He probably would to an extent anyway, but in the circumstances it could be more fraught. Having a back up plan where a favourite uncle or grandparent might take him for some fun might help.

But that’s not what you actually asked! I think I’d be considering all the senses - a nice Spotify playlist in the background, a scented candle - maybe the crackling kind if you don’t have a log fire, a stack of books, some good chocolate and wine, slippers and snoodies. Cook up a feast and make a huge trifle so you can survive on left overs for a few days. Subscribe to a different streaming service for a month and binge watch the cool series.

I’m going to experiment this weekend with cooking cinnamon rolls in cream to see if it’s a Christmas worthy breakfast.

Ooh I love cinnamon rolls.

We are seeing people on Christmas Eve, and Boxing Day, and going away with friends for New Year, so DS is happy to be just us on Christmas Day.

I might get the dog some pyjamas.

So sorry for your loss, OP!
Some of the ideas that came to my mind are:

• baking night
• christmas movie night
• making a christmas video
• diy christmas decorations