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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

So torn about xmas

23 replies

Bestcatmum · 07/11/2022 12:42

I usually stay at home and can't be bothered with the whole thing because I live on my own.
My siblings are coming back from abroad and I'm desperate to see them as I won't get a chance for another 5 years. I live hundreds of miles away in the UK and the plan is I'll travel to my parents who I do not get on with to see them and the children.
I never go to xmas there as it's so miserable. We aren't allowed to open any presents in the morning it has to be after lunch.
Lunch is finished by 1:30 whereupon my parents insist on a massive clear up including hoovering which takes hours, then they have to have a nap for 2 hours by which time the kids are over tired and screaming and want to open their presents. But by this time it's time for the evening meal so basically a repeat of lunchtime.
If only they could leave the lunchtime mess for me to do after everyone has gone to bed or is watching tv so we could have a family day with chatting etc like normal people..
Last time I went I spoke to them for no more than an hour all day as they were either cleaning or sleeping. I just can't stand it.
I'm thinking of just saying sod it and not going. They won't listen to an alternative they are so stuck in their ways.

OP posts:

Dinoteeth · 07/11/2022 12:47

How old are the kids?

I think it's time for you and siblings to switch things up a bit. Seems really mean to make kids wait all day to open stuff.

This is the reason we have only done dinner at ILs once, I wanted to strangle my MIL 'eat your dinner and you'll get to open a present' my DS was 3. The gift he was so excited about turned out to be a huge 3 sizes too big school jacket.

BritInAus · 07/11/2022 12:53

Can't you do Christmas at your place? Then you get to have the day how you want. Alternatively, host a day at yours on xmas eve / Boxing Day with your siblings then just miss the awful Xmas day at your parents.

pastabakeonaplate · 07/11/2022 12:56

Have you tried asking to open them earlier? What happens if you explain the kids will have a better time if they open them earlier?

maddy68 · 07/11/2022 12:59

Why don't you suggest that as they are all arriving to go out for Christmas dinner then they can go for a walk afterwards etc. Kids can have their presents before they go. No cleaning

maddy68 · 07/11/2022 13:00

And it's your to your siblings to say. No our kids open their presents first thing.

They will already have had their own traditions in their own home

Ponderingwindow · 07/11/2022 13:01

If they are coming from abroad, is the only visiting day really Christmas Day? Could you arrange a good visit with them on another day of their trip?

i would also check with your siblings. As a parent, I wouldn’t be taking my kids into that situation and would have insisted on a schedule change. Otherwise the trip might have happened so everyone could socialize, but Christmas Day would be hosted at wherever we were staying, not at the grandparents house.

Snugglemonkey · 07/11/2022 13:08

Are not allowed says who? Noone gets to dictate when your children can open presents except you. Surely the presents will travel with you? I would say that we can do it together now (first thing) or we will take the children to the bedroom and do it if you do not want to be a part of it, but we are opening presents now.

QuietOne121 · 07/11/2022 13:09

Are there any Airbnb’s close to your parents house?

RaininSummer · 07/11/2022 13:11

I don't think the present after lunch can be the main issue bit maybe the hours spent cleaning and napping are. We have done presents after lunch for three generations now in my family and it's a lovely way to do it.

Cuwins · 07/11/2022 13:13

RaininSummer · 07/11/2022 13:11

Same here. Not 3 generations but it's the way it was done although my childhood and never an issue. Will be doing the same with my daughter. So I don't think that's the issue here.

CakeCrumbs44 · 07/11/2022 13:49

I agree with others who say don't let them dictate that your kids can't open their presents.
Could you suggest eating out so there is no clean up after lunch?
Or just let the kids open their presents while your parents are napping, except the ones from them obviously.

CakeCrumbs44 · 07/11/2022 13:50

Alternatively, how long are they staying - couldn't you do Christmas day at home and visit them on Boxing day or a few days later to see your siblings?

CakeCrumbs44 · 07/11/2022 13:51

Alternatively, how long are they staying - couldn't you do Christmas day at home and visit them on Boxing day or a few days later to see your siblings?

3WildOnes · 07/11/2022 13:52

Do you have children? Or is it just your siblings who have children?

Cotton55 · 07/11/2022 13:56

We always do the presents after dinner and we love it! It was the same when i was a child. It makes the excitement of the day stretch further. They get all their Santa presents first thing in the morning (usually the crack of dawn!) and then play with those knowing there are more for later. Otherwise it's all over in a flash. I can remember the feeling of excitement i had as a child eating dinner in the dining room and looking at all the presents under the tree waiting for me! I really recommend trying it if you don't already do it!

So i don't think that's the issue here. The issue seems to be the crazy cleaning and napping part before opening the presents. Sure it would be almost bedtime for some of the kids by then! And who wants to hoover on Christmas day?!

I think you and your siblings need to have a word with your parents and say you're just not happy to do it that way. You're all adults and there needs to be some kind of compromise.

blacksax · 07/11/2022 14:25

What a soulless, horrible, bloody miserable Christmas Day that sounds. Your parents sound ridiculously obsessively controlling.

No wonder you don't want to go. Where will your siblings and their dc be staying, and would you be able to see them on Boxing Day instead?

mam0918 · 07/11/2022 14:35

I wouldn't be dictated to about when MY kids could open THEIR gifts, No one else can control that.

Your parents sound like terrible hosts.

Original poster

Bestcatmum · 07/11/2022 15:17

blacksax · 07/11/2022 14:25

What a soulless, horrible, bloody miserable Christmas Day that sounds. Your parents sound ridiculously obsessively controlling.

No wonder you don't want to go. Where will your siblings and their dc be staying, and would you be able to see them on Boxing Day instead?

It is, it's horrible, they are super controlling. My children are adults and do their own thing now.
I've decided i can't face the annual xmas day spring clean. I'm going to stay in the local hotel and visit on boxing day then go home.
Nobody can come to my house because they are all very allergic to animals and I have loads of animals.

OP posts:

ChippyTea16 · 07/11/2022 16:59

I assume it's the same for your siblings and their kids, do they even want to go to your parents for Xmas? Could you ask if they want to do an alternative xmas with you somewhere else if you can't host them at yours?

slipperypenguin · 07/11/2022 22:57

What would they do if you all just refused though? Are your siblings on the same page?

Surely it's time to say "listen mum and dad we would all prefer to enjoy our company together today so won't be doing the 2 hour nap/clean and actually the kids are opening their presents now"

Stompythedinosaur · 08/11/2022 01:53

I think you are making the right choice!

Could you tempt your siblings out for a Christmas Day walk and leave your parents to it a bit?

Kassiopeia · 04/12/2022 16:08

So much control freakery around Xmas which is basically just a commercial gorge-fest anyway.

Can't you arrange to see your siblings on a different day, you'd probably have a better time anyway without all that sh*t getting in the way.

You don't have to buckle to the pressure imposed by others to be part of their 'perfect Xmas which is probably habitual outdated rituals anyway.

Do it or don't do it your way.

Zodiacsigns · 04/12/2022 16:40

I would go but stay in a hotel. I'd help with cleaning for half hour after lunch then take your children out for a walk and ask the others if they want to come with you. I expect some of them will and you can have a catch up then.

What are your parents clearing up that takes hours? Are they getting you all to clean ther whole house or something? It sounds awful.

Would your siblings give you the children's presents if you asked? You could open them while parents are cleaning in another room or while they're sleeping, your parents can't actually stop you. If they get unpleasant you could return to the hotel and not bother with the second meal. Or can you visit siblings alone on Boxing Day, invite them out somewhere? I can see why you'd stay home though.

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