The switch from childhood to adulthood and presents

[NotAlarmed]

My DC are 21 & 19yo.

DS1 has a reasonable job, lives at home, pays some keep but plenty of disposable income. He also has a girlfriend whose family set a lot of store by presents, whereas we tend to be more restrianed with gifts. E.g. any bit of good or bad news will bring a gift of chocolates/flowers/wine and she spent £50 on a birthday present for me! I dread to think what they spend on each other, but it involves many multiple packages.

I'd go for about £30 for a gift for most people, except DC where I don't really have a fixed budget, but tend to get what they want/need at the time.

DS2 is a student - worked last year to save, but no income currently beyond what I give him (and small student loan).

Anyway, I was thinking DS1 doesn't need anything, DS2 can't carry a lot of gifts back on the train this year and is getting a lot of support from me already, so I'd move them into "adult" category and cut back on gifts, mostly to avoid buying "stuff" for the sake of it.

But then I have the issue of DS's girlfriend's family, where there could be a situation where they spend more on him than I do.

It's not really about the money, more that I don't want to buy things for the sake of it.

WWYD?

Speak to DS around now, explain you do t want to spend money for the sake of it, explain things are right and everything else you said on this post

My parents usually spend more on DP than DP's parents do (and often more than they spend on me). It doesn't bother DP (or me) as it's just two different present giving philosophies.

My parents like giving presents that are appreciated that we wouldn't spend the money on ourselves, so it's usually one item that can be relatively expensive (but isn't always). In DP's family a higher number of presents is seen as better and capped to a very strict budget. Both are good from my perspective, I do think there's something about having lots of presents to open that is quite nice, even if the expensive waterproof trainers that I struggled to justify buying myself are more objectively useful!

So I would say think about what you actually want to do with Christmas presents and speak to your sons about it, and not worry about what the girlfriend's family do.

My MIL has spent more on me than my own family has for several decades now !

I wouldn't try and compete with them just work out what you are comfortable doing.