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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

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Original poster

Friend looked at me like I had grown three heads!!

28 replies

HermoineJeanGranger · 25/09/2022 03:14

Hi all,

My friend and I were recently chatting about Christmas and I mentioned how I had already planned out and bought my DC Christmas presents. She had a nosy at what I bought and started looking around the room, to see what else I had.

When I said that, this what what I had and wasn't planning on getting anything else, well as the title states, she looked at me like I had suddenly grown three heads "What, that's it!" She exclaimed, she was abit bloody dramatic I thought she would swoon next!!! Then she started sharing what she was getting her DC, which of course is alot more.

How would you react in this encounter? I just said that I'm happy with what I've chosen and I won't be adding to it. But I can't help but feel a little judged and a little bit pissed the more I think of it!!

Am I right to feel this way? 🧐🧐🧐🧐

OP posts:

FrozenGhost · 25/09/2022 03:18

If that happened to me, I would just laugh it off and say something like "well we all do it differently". I wouldn't be offended because I'm proud of the fact I don't go overboard on buying random crap for Christmas. You should be proud of it too, OP.

PinkSyCo · 25/09/2022 03:24

Your friend sounds really rude and her reaction would have really pretty pissed me off. I think you reacted well though. Far better than I would have done anyway.

FlyingandFrankie · 25/09/2022 03:31

Your friend is rude as fuck.

iRun2eatCake · 25/09/2022 04:24

You're friend is rude. However considering it is only September, Christmas is ages away still.

How old are your DC - as they may want stuff you haven't got.

GiltEdges · 25/09/2022 04:28

Sounds like she was just genuinely surprised. I wouldn’t take it personally, we all do things differently.

Original poster

HermoineJeanGranger · 25/09/2022 05:46

I laughed it of a bit myself to begin with, but then I sat and stewed over it and got myself all riled up 🤦
thanks for your replies, I'm glad to not be the only one that thought she was rude with the way she got on!
This is the first year I've bought presents so early, but I made sure to pick things that my DC will still like by Christmas time xx

OP posts:

GeorgiaGirl52 · 25/09/2022 06:08

I have my list made and am buying Christmas presents now one or two a week as money permits, so that there will be gifts for the holidays. (Three gifts and a stocking for each family member.) I have friends who buy incredible amounts and pile it up so high you can barely see the tree. That's their style we do the holidays our way! You do it your way!

GeorgiaGirl52 · 25/09/2022 06:09

Don't know why the strikeout, sorry!

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 25/09/2022 06:19

FrozenGhost · 25/09/2022 03:18

@FrozenGhost if people chose to buy more for their kids than you do, it doesn't mean it's 'random crap'. Maybe I'd think what you buy for your kids is random crap?!

@HermoineJeanGranger your 'friend' is rude! Especially after you told her that you were happy with what you've got them.

it's still 3 months to Christmas though. Do you not feel unhappy that you won't be able to get them something they say they really really hope they'll get x for Chrustmas?

Original poster

HermoineJeanGranger · 25/09/2022 06:30

I'm also slowly buying gifts for family as well xx

OP posts:

BlackberryCat · 25/09/2022 06:31

Do your kids not start asking for things once the new toys come out for Christmas? Or they start talking to friends about what they are getting? My kids always start asking for stuff closer to Christmas so I would never buy things too early. I don't buy a lot for them though. We don't have a lot of space!

Different people do Christmas differently. I suspect your friend didn't mean to be so rude and insensitive.

I have a friend who buys mounds of presents. I find it a bit shocking, but she's an only child and I guess they have the space/money, so none of my business really.

Nothingbuttheglory · 25/09/2022 06:33

Something about what you said - maybe that you've finished already, maybe something about the presents you've bought, maybe something else about your home or the conversation - made her feel bad in some way, so she compensated by criticising you.

Talking about stuff you've bought is only one step removed from talking about how much money you have, which always results in someone getting upset, so proceed with caution.

Hillrunning · 25/09/2022 06:39

More often people are accidentally rude rather than deliberately so. It sounds like your friend was just genuinely surprised and it came out a bit strong. I'd assume that as she is you friend, she wasn't deliberately being a twat and so move on.

Original poster

HermoineJeanGranger · 25/09/2022 06:43

I have one DC I should have specified that, so apologies! I'm not unhappy I won't be getting him other things closer to Christmas, I've had lots of fun...just earlier!! I'm just trying be a bit more organised this year : ) xx

OP posts:

KendrickLamaze · 25/09/2022 06:46

Depends on what you have got him. I would say she is really rude and likely one of those people who posts a living room full of presents on social media and you wonder where they put them all/afford it. However, if all you got him was a lump of coal and that was her response then it's warranted.

kessiebird · 25/09/2022 06:47

Christmas present shopping for kids does bring out an element of competition, even in otherwise normal adults. She may have felt inferior that she hasn't started yet, therefore a remark like that makes her feel better. Cost of living may be a worry for some this year.

The Organised Mum always talks about The Christmas Twitch, i.e. once you're all sorted you start to question what you have bought and is it enough. Yes is always the answer! If she mentions it again, just shrug and say I'm happy with what I've got. Okay you may buy a bit more if you see something, your DC may ask for something in November and depending on their ages you may decide to get it. But that's none of her business.

Original poster

HermoineJeanGranger · 25/09/2022 07:15

It really was a light hearted conversation about Christmas presents, then she wanted to have a nosy which I obliged.
We've been friends for some time and I have experienced this almost "parenting competition" before from her, since our kids are similar ages.
I usually just brush it of, since it seems to be light hearted.
She has bought her DD alot of gifts as she explained this on the day.
It's all about the individual families and how they do things of course, if we were all the same it would all be quite boring!!
This comment and the way she got on just made me feel a little uncomfy this time around the more I thought about it. xx

OP posts:

Snog · 25/09/2022 07:18

It's rude.
Is there a huge difference in financial circumstances between the two of you?

PuttingDownRoots · 25/09/2022 07:23

Comparing Christmas presents is bonkers...
Different budgets
Different kids like different things
Other people buy presents to... we are planning a shared present (a rather expensive board game) and a smaller one each, then stocking stuff. It sounds stingy... but they have multiple aunts and uncles and grandparents that go overboard so we compensate by buying little.

Roselilly36 · 25/09/2022 07:26

She doesn’t sound like a friend to me OP.

Allchangeonceagain · 25/09/2022 07:39

Yeah, what she said was rude. When people compare themselves with others (which she was doing) it probably means they’re insecure in some way. Just ignore abd crack on with doing it your way.. She may even be embarrassed about what she said. I’m thinking of something I said the other day to someone I had just met and frankly it was rude but I didn’t mean to be

psuedocream3 · 25/09/2022 07:41

She probably was genuinely surprised as people don't generally compare presents or costs, and when they do (especially on here) you get someone who can't help but say word to the effect of 'mind your own business' and 'I never see the point of these threads' so it doesn't surprise me that people don't realsie that others don't do exactly the same as they do. There will be plenty of people who can't even afford to buy any presents for their kids this year with the energy and food crisis.

I'd move past the comment, I'd chalk it up to being a bit clueless to what others do and to be honest, that is very normal.

Doingmybest12 · 25/09/2022 07:55

Seems odd to be stewing on this if it is par for the course for her and you are happy with how you are doing things. People say/do things differently to me all the time, I usually don't comment, and inwardly roll my eyes if I think they are ridiculous.

Meklk · 25/09/2022 08:27

Your friend is rude. We are doing the same this year - as we bought new furniture for DS room, he'll get small presents for Christmas (plush toy he wants and a book). That's all. We don't have magic pot full of £££. It's the same for me - instead of any gift I'm going for a haircut which I really need.

Original poster

HermoineJeanGranger · 25/09/2022 08:48

Just replying to above messages all in one post again, rather than multiple replies!

There isn't a large financial difference between us, she just likes to spend more than I do usually.

I only shared the items, I didn't say how much it all cost. She made me feel stingy though! That's the word I was looking for earlier, DS also has alot of family that will buy for him, which we are of course very grateful for.
.
No longer stewing over it 😂 I'll carry on in my own little organised Christmas elf world now. xx

OP posts:

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