December Baby

[Minnie10q]

Hi

I’m expecting a second baby mid December. I’m normally all over Christmas, it’s my favourite time of the year and love everything about it including giving gifts to family and spending the day with them. However im not wanting to take part in the normal Christmas celebrations this year, we will hopefully have our newborn, will be sleep deprived and just want to stay home with my little family unit have them all to myself. I’m thinking as long as Santa brings some presents for my first born then I don’t really want to take part in the rest including gift giving. We would rather not receive anything either, we just want to focus on the baby and helping our son adjust to sharing the attention. Does it seem mean spirited to tell family we’re cancelling Christmas for the most part and don’t want to exchange gifts?

Surely you will want to show off your lovely dc? My dd was due Xmas eve. Held in until nye!! Closest other dc to cmas was a November dc. Stayed with family and it was lovely.
Never understand the hide away plan...

I had a December baby (though was due in Feb). I don't see the point in cancelling Christmas. You don't know how you'll feel, you may really want to keep it normal for you/your oldest or you may want to run and hide.

Unless buying presents is something you just cant afford to do with 2 kids, why don't you want to give them? You don't have to do a big present giving ceremony, heck just post them to some people if it's easier.

My parents always raised me to think that you never know which Christmas may be your last with your loved ones so make the most of it no matter what. Obviously I'm biased but I couldnt imagine not getting my mum something.

How olds your oldest? Surely you can't cancel Christmas for him?

I have a Dec baby and whilst yes sleep deprived and he obv had no clue I loved his first Christmas!

My dc2 was due December, but born late November and I said we'd take Christmas as it came. I wanted it to be fairly normal for dc1 as a new baby was a big change and I didn't want to turn everything upside down.

In the end I did the shopping before dc2 arrived and then spent Xmas Eve and day at my mums as normal and was so glad we did as it meant dc1 didn't 'miss out' and we kept it normal but also I had extra sets of hands to help out. In my sleep deprived state I was happy for grandparents, aunts and uncles around to do some of the Christmas Day running around while I fed the baby, or to take the newborn for cuddles while me and dh got some time with dc1.

My baby was due just before Christmas last year so I decided to not really plan anything for Christmas as I thought I would be too wrapped up in a baby bubble - well she decided to to be 16 days overdue and I really regretted not having something to take my mind off it. I wished I had some festivities so occupy me so bear that in mind in case you do go over. I am sure people will understand if you do decide to tone Christmas down this year but you also might feel differently once Christmas actually comes around

DD was due 27th but we knew a few weeks in advance she'd be born a couple of week early. We planned for an easy but as normal as possible Christmas - planned for family to come to us to help, pre-prepared M&S food etc. We did only half commit to meet ups a bit more further afield but in the end she came on 13th and we did everything we'd been invited to and it was absolutely fine. Was nice opportunity to introduce her to lots of family, and something to break the utter monotony of a newborn. Extra family around meant DS who was nearly 2 still got attention and people playing with him too, even if he didn't understand what Christmas was about.

I'd say make things easy for yourself, but don't write things off totally. Family likes to come together for big celebrations and to help eachother out so combining two together should hopefully get you double support! No one should expect you to host anything, but I'm sure they'd like to see you and feel it a bit off if you hid away.

Congratulations! I can see the appeal of your set up with a newborn, but it wouldn't be for me. It depends I suppose how close you are to your family and how you spend Christmas. If it was myself in this scenario I'd want to share it with our parents, I'd want dc1 to see family over the holidays, at least some parts of it. I'd also like someone to cook the dinner for us if we had a newborn and no dishes or shopping for it, and dh and i could have an afternoon nap while baby slept and grandparents can burn some energy of dc1. As for gifts, again if this was me in this scenario I'd do small token gifts for immediate family only, grandparents etc and would have conversations about the scale back sooner rather than later. I'm sure plenty would be relieved of the financial burden. I receive a small token gift from adult dd and family every year, a framed hand print each year of dgd hand, just a bit of paint, an ikea frame and her hand each year as she grows, I have them going up the stairs and hope to be here to watch it grow. Cheap as chips but priceless to me. As a grandparent with 1 dgd I really enjoy the parts of Christmas we spend together, I know she does and her parents enjoy a break. I also make sure her mum (adult dd) and I have some quality Christmas time together.

I think it will be nice and distracting for your toddler to see their extended family and that will
Make those first few weeks easier for you..
You might find that this baby is very easy, my first was and we spent December socialising and arranging a house move across the country as well as present buying etc.

I fully understand wanting to stay home and do christmas just you and the kids, frankly you couldnt pay me to leave my house on xmas or to host people... thats our day off for relaxing just us.

I do not get wanting to 'cancel' it though, thats bizaare and doesnt make sense. You said you are getting your kid gifts from Santa (you'll like have to get baby a gift too, older kids are percepting and will ask - teethers, board books, a teddy etc... are great options) so its not cancelled.

What exactly are you cancelling?

Just watch the kids open some presents in the morning maybe a stocking, eat some nice food (can be anything, order take out if you can find somewhere open if you are too tired too cook) and relax with crappy xmas tv... that is xmas.

DS2 was born a month before Christmas, so I had a 4 week old. I loved being with family. Everyone fusses around you, you're not expected to do anything and when we needed quiet time to feed or whatever, we just went upstairs. My eldest got lots of time and attention from his grandparents and loved it!

Then again, I also welcomed my parents at the hospital when DS1 was born (DS2 is a pandemic baby) so I dont think I'm your target audience...!

I see where you are coming from (I have a baby born 18th of Dec) but I think you might regret it come Jan or Feb. The fact you'll be having a newborn does give you an excuse to slightly minimize Christmas (i.e. the whole shopping, wrapping, cooking, driving....) but surely you can switch things around and still have a nice one:

• You could ask people to bring a dish when they come visit (as awkward as it is to ask, people LOVE helping around a new baby and they'll happily bring food).


• You could have the Christmas lunch at someone else's house in the family so you don't have to have the pressure of cooking and hosting.


• You could have the actual 25th of Dec to yourselves but spend random days during the Christmas period with family.

You'll have pleeenty of time to get your first born adjusted to the new sibling, so no need to cancel such a magical time that happens only once a year. Enjoy :)

Thanks everyone for your feedback. It’s good to get other opinions. We would see family before and after as we live close. I just had this idea of staying home in or pjs and spending day playing toys with my son. We are always in a rush to get to someone else’s house on Xmas day. We aren’t thinking of cancelling it for him, Santa most definitely will be coming and will have a stocking and a present or two for baby. I haven’t been feeling very well this pregnancy and I suppose just the thought of having to organise presents for so many people (we have a big extended family) is a bit of a thought right now. I’m thinking we might play it by ear. And see how it all pans out before making our decision.

I can certainly see the appeal in just spending time at home, although you might want someone else to cook you a Christmas dinner! My second baby was born on December 20th, and we had options for places to go on Christmas Eve, Christmas day and boxing day but everyone understood we would be playing it by ear and we weren't fully committing - in the end we went to all three with a newborn who slept through most of it, and it was lovely to have other people catering for me and entertaining my toddler!

Thats not cancelled at all, thats the perfect xmas.

Its what we have always done, what I had as a kid (although for a couple of years my single uncle joined us for dinner) and my DH had some like that and also some getting dragged to his aunts/uncle and he say how much he HATED it on those years because him and his brother just wanted to play with their toys but instead had to be polite and play with their little cousins who where all girls.

I think since covid a lot of people have started having 'nuclear family' christmases and many I have heard from said they love it (it seems more an older family where kids have flown the nest or single person thing to want to attend or host big groups but for the most part young kids/parents just want to laze about, relax and play with teir new toys without having to get dressed up, put on a show, entertain other, make small talk, defuse family drama, cook a meal for 200 etc...).

Christmas dinner does not have to be complex at all, its actually REALLY easy to cook when theres only 3/4/5 of you its not at all like hosting for a big family event. Besides you dont have to do traditional dinner either if you dont want, I know people who have had chicken nuggets and beens on xmas because thats all their kid eats lol.