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Original poster

Family Secret Santa

15 replies

longtompot · 28/12/2021 13:23

We have a family secret Santa every Christmas to help people stop receiving tat and spending a small fortune on every adult. We have an app where the names are sent out secretly and where we can put links to what we would love to have.
I put in a few items each, so it will still be a surprise what I get, and it has worked in the past, but for the past few years I haven't got what I've asked for. It's frustrating as everyone else gets what on their lists. The things aren't difficult to buy, I give links to the shops, but for some reason my santa doesn't buy them. I make the effort to buy what my recipient has asked for.
I'm thinking it might be the last time I join in next year, but I feel a bit churlish to do that as what I get is nice, just not what I hoped for. Just feeling a bit meh about it all really.

OP posts:
Fallagain · 28/12/2021 13:41

If people are just buying from a set list and its become very transactional then maybe it’s time to get rid of gifts all together.

Original poster
longtompot · 28/12/2021 13:44

The lists change every year, but I see it as not really different than when kids write their Christmas list. I think if you put on several items so the gift giver can chose then some thought has gone into it as they have decided which they'd like to give.

OP posts:
user1493494961 · 28/12/2021 15:28

I can't see the point, just buy something for yourself.

unexpectedthird · 28/12/2021 15:51

Honestly, I think it'a a bit unreasonable to be put out by someone choosing you a gift that is perfectly nice but just not the exact thing you have asked for. Even my kids know that they create a list of ideas to inspire but they might not get them as Santa/ others might have their own ideas.

To be fair though, you're not alone and a lot of gift giving has moved towards people simply buying items others have listed but, even when there's a few to choose from, it does take away a lot of the element of surprise.

If you do decide to continue taking part, maybe try to reframe your expectations a bit and then if you do get what you have put on your list it'll be an added bonus. 🙂

batmanladybird · 28/12/2021 16:04

Completely agree OP
It's annoying

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 28/12/2021 16:39

@Fallagain

If people are just buying from a set list and its become very transactional then maybe it’s time to get rid of gifts all together.
I don't agree. We have a family secret Santa which is a £50 spend. I got MIL and she got me. I bought my own present and she bought hers, we exchanged them to be wrapped and then exchanged them on Boxing Day. You may say what's the point ? I wouldn't have spent £50 on a leather music bag otherwise. The £50 would have just stayed In the bank. The enforcement of a gift meant that we all treated ourselves to a nice little luxury that we wouldn't otherwise have purchased.
AlphabetStew · 28/12/2021 21:45

Grrr, I feel your pain OP. I too am annoyed at the family Secret Santa this year. I got the person a voucher they requested, for the full amount, and another thing off their list along with a bottle of wine and big box of chocs. They in return got me... Just cash in an envelope. (Somehow I had the same person who had me 🤷‍♀️)

I had suggested a voucher too, thinking it would be convenient. But no, it was apparently too much effort.

Ah, I'm trying to tell myself that people have a lot on these days (I know I certainly do!) and maybe getting me a voucher really was causing the person undue stress. Also, it's not their fault that I went overboard. Still stings a bit though. The lack of effort.

SmolCat · 28/12/2021 21:55

I agree with you OP; that sounds disappointing.

If it’s happened multiple times then any chance you’re getting the same person each time? If so then it’s unlikely you’ll always get them.

Or are you not factoring in P&P? So say your budget is £30 and you link an item for that exact amount but then P&P is and extra £7 and the person doesn’t want to go over budget?

Lockdownbear · 29/12/2021 07:55

@AlphabetStew maybe you gift giver doesn't believe in vouchers. Something like 20% of vouchers are never used. Not to mention the risk of shops going out of business.

AlphabetStew · 29/12/2021 08:04

It's probably less risky to give a voucher alright but in this case they asked for a voucher for themselves so I don't think it's that.

Beautiful3 · 29/12/2021 11:01

This is why I buy my own presents, give them to my husband to gift back to me. I get annoyed by tat, I don't want junk lying around my house. I'd opt out of secret santa.

liveforsummer · 29/12/2021 11:02

I think the list idea is ridiculous tbh. The whole point of secret Santa is the surprise and I'm not surprised people are pushing back from it. Sounds like it might as well be scrapped altogether tbh

ANameChangeAgain · 29/12/2021 11:07

Are you linking everyday shops on your wish list? I personally prefer to shop at small independents, but perhaps you need to put in items that can be purchased from the likes of supermarkets, Amazon or Boots, where home delivery is easy?

Original poster
longtompot · 29/12/2021 17:26

Most of the items are on Amazon or other online shops as we have overseas family taking part but some other things were from a local shop. The prices were well below the limit so to take into account any p&p.
Everyone else seems to enjoy it so I don't think it will end any time soon, plus when the kids get over 18, they will join it too if they want to.

OP posts:
Rememberallball · 31/12/2021 17:29

I’ve had it the last couple of years where I’ve got a list of things I’d happily receive only to be given totally different stuff (that I have no interest in in some cases) that will be put to the back of the cupboard and not used. It’s so difficult though as how do you tell people you don’t like what they’ve got you?

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