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Original poster

Unsuitable toy?

32 replies

Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 12:36

So my brother bought a toy his son (3.5 years old) has wanted for ages as he saw another cousin last year with it (Batman transformers robot).

However since he got it on Christmas Day he’s been only wanting to play with this toy, ignoring all other toys he got and is more into fighting with it partly because of what it does which is fight a lot.

It caused a big fight with DB and SIL on Boxing Day as she doesn’t think he’s old enough for it.

What would you do? What to do? He’s an only child for now and has a tendency to be spoiled but is now with his cousins as was with just adults Christmas week and Boxing Day.

OP posts:
HangingOutWithTheSandman · 27/12/2021 12:39

Fighting with it? Is he hurting people or damaging things? Or just play fighting with it and other toys?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 27/12/2021 12:40

It would depend on which one it was and how much older the recommended age was. We have an 8 year old and 3 year old and I’d be happy for 3 year old to play with some of the older toys but not others
Don’t think it’s an issue of not playing with other toys as it’s nice if he got something he loves.

BrutusMcDogface · 27/12/2021 12:40

What do you need to do? It’s their problem to sort, not yours? Sorry if I’ve misunderstood!

Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 12:41

@HangingOutWithTheSandman

Fighting with it? Is he hurting people or damaging things? Or just play fighting with it and other toys?
@HangingOutWithTheSandman - he’s actually doing both with it, separately whacked me and my mum’s cat with it (which he had to apologise for) and play fighting with other toys. But he always wants this one!
OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 27/12/2021 12:42

Unless your children are the cousins you’re referring to, and he’s hitting/fighting with them, in which case tell him to stop! Could you bring out a craft or other toy and try to distract him from it?

Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 12:42

@BrutusMcDogface

What do you need to do? It’s their problem to sort, not yours? Sorry if I’ve misunderstood!
@BrutusMcDogface - I know it’s their problem to sort but I can see DB buying this again. Just asking if it’s inappropriate to buy this for him.
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Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 12:44

@BrutusMcDogface

Unless your children are the cousins you’re referring to, and he’s hitting/fighting with them, in which case tell him to stop! Could you bring out a craft or other toy and try to distract him from it?
@BrutusMcDogface - he wouldn’t be distracted and cried if it was taken away.

I think he’s ok with the other kids.

Maybe he just prefers being or playing with other kids more?

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 27/12/2021 12:44

Buying it again when he’s already got it? Nope, still don’t understand! Sorry.

BrutusMcDogface · 27/12/2021 12:44

Maybe just let him play with it nonstop until he gets bored. It’s only December 27th after all, and I’m assuming he’s only had it for two days.

Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 12:45

@BrutusMcDogface

Buying it again when he’s already got it? Nope, still don’t understand! Sorry.
@BrutusMcDogface - no - I meant buying another “violent” toy eg next year.

DB already talking about Easter presents… Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 12:46

@Idontgiveagriffindamn

It would depend on which one it was and how much older the recommended age was. We have an 8 year old and 3 year old and I’d be happy for 3 year old to play with some of the older toys but not others Don’t think it’s an issue of not playing with other toys as it’s nice if he got something he loves.
I think it’s for 5 years above but as he’s tall and advanced he can play with them with supervision.
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Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 12:47

I think he’ll be better now he’s with cousins. Think I might say to DB to check age range.

He looks and acts 5-6 but only 3 so we often treat him as more mature even his parents do…

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HangingOutWithTheSandman · 27/12/2021 12:47

he’s actually doing both with it, separately whacked me and my mum’s cat with it (which he had to apologise for) and play fighting with other toys. But he always wants this one!

If he’s still hurting people after being told off and given warnings, it needs to be taken off him for a while. Then when it’s given back to him after a period of not hitting people, he should be told to play nicely with it. If it continues, I would take it off him for much longer next time.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 27/12/2021 12:54

I’d be ok with 5 years and above. But it would be taken away if they hit anyone with it - but that’s the rule with any toy.

Rosa · 27/12/2021 12:54

Well if its for 5+ and you say he can play with it under supervision , then he should be supervised and not hitting you or the cat with it... Also as said if he is playing with it incorrectly or in a way that you are not comfortable with then I would say that it will be removed until he can play properly. And if any more violent toys come into the house that you are not happy with then place on the top of the wardrobe or other suitable place until he can play with them properly !

Marcipex · 27/12/2021 13:02

If he hit me or my pet I would take it away. Instantly.
I would ignore the crying as he’s only hoping to get his own way.
However no doubt you’ll be the mean one.

Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 13:07

Thanks MNers. They’re gone now and I’m heading to my house today.

The main thing with him being with only us adults is he always wanted to play with us and rarely plays by himself! Which can be exhausting!

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Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 13:09

@Rosa

Well if its for 5+ and you say he can play with it under supervision , then he should be supervised and not hitting you or the cat with it... Also as said if he is playing with it incorrectly or in a way that you are not comfortable with then I would say that it will be removed until he can play properly. And if any more violent toys come into the house that you are not happy with then place on the top of the wardrobe or other suitable place until he can play with them properly !
@Rosa - great will mention to them. Think they know this.

Are there any books we could read or tv to watch that would help?

OP posts:
SpiderFluff · 27/12/2021 13:09

Just leave them to it. He's not your child. Buy something cute and fluffy next time you need to get something? And if he hits you or someone else intervene.

Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 13:10

@HangingOutWithTheSandman

he’s actually doing both with it, separately whacked me and my mum’s cat with it (which he had to apologise for) and play fighting with other toys. But he always wants this one!

If he’s still hurting people after being told off and given warnings, it needs to be taken off him for a while. Then when it’s given back to him after a period of not hitting people, he should be told to play nicely with it. If it continues, I would take it off him for much longer next time.

@HangingOutWithTheSandman - see they did that, take away toy, tell off and so on but when he gets it back it’s back to the same behaviour with it!
OP posts:
Idontgiveagriffindamn · 27/12/2021 13:10

@Gonnagetgoing

Thanks MNers. They’re gone now and I’m heading to my house today.

The main thing with him being with only us adults is he always wanted to play with us and rarely plays by himself! Which can be exhausting!

That sounds like a lot of 3 year olds who prefer playing with someone rather than by themselves. I don’t know the set up but I kind of feel sorry for him from this thread.
Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 13:13

@SpiderFluff

Just leave them to it. He's not your child. Buy something cute and fluffy next time you need to get something? And if he hits you or someone else intervene.
@SpiderFluff - I usually do leave them to it! Not my circus!

But they invited me with them to her parents in a nice part of England and I had to say no… SIL is very good with him but gets stressed out a lot. He’s relentless all the time not just christmas very excitable rarely sleeps by himself etc! Gorgeous kid but quite full on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gonnagetgoing · 27/12/2021 13:14

@Idontgiveagriffindamn - he gets a lot of attention all day every day!

He’s in nursery a lot 8-5 so he’s very much used to being with other kids and nursery workers.

OP posts:
Legoisthebest · 27/12/2021 13:18

Batman is a superhero who saves people. Perhaps try to turn his game into Batman having to save Teddy or Barbie (or whatever) from a naughty toy (Elf on the Shelf if you have one). Make a big point that Batman is a 'good guy'.

Goldbar · 27/12/2021 13:36

@Gonnagetgoing

Thanks MNers. They’re gone now and I’m heading to my house today.

The main thing with him being with only us adults is he always wanted to play with us and rarely plays by himself! Which can be exhausting!

That's the downside with only children, I'm afraid. I have one who sounds similar (just turned 4). Children do often prefer to be one of a gang and, if there's just one child on their own, you sort of have to suck it up and play with them. Or put the TV on Wink. My DC is great at nursery and loves playing with other kids but I do feel a little sorry for them at Christmas and other occasions being the only child in the family (no siblings, no cousins).

I'm told they get better as they get older as they have a longer attention span for solitary activities like crafts. Even now both we and my parents have a small table for DC with kinetic sand, paper, scissors and crayons that often keeps them busy for quite a bit while the adults are talking. But 'go away and play' doesn't work with one young child unless they have a particular personality.