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BF would rather spend NYE away with his parents than with me

19 replies

noirchatsdeux · 26/12/2021 20:10

Partner (51) of 12 years lives/works 200 miles away. Was supposed to spend Christmas with me, I tested positive for covid on the 16th...before the 10 day isolation period was cut to 7. When it was cut, partner had already offered to work on Christmas Eve as a member of his staff had tested positive the day before (care job, so he couldn't cancel). I was disappointed, but I've spent Christmas Day on my own 8 times out of the last 11 years due to his work (I have no family in the UK). The earliest he could get AL to come and see me was January 6th.

Tonight he rings to tell me that he's disappointed because he has to work the night shift NYE (due to another positive covid member of staff) ... I remarked that I thought he was already working the day shift...he then says that his parents are having the night away in Dorset (they live in London), and he was going to go with them!

I get the whole 'oh I thought I'd already told you'...err no! Not something I'm likely to forget! Turns out he's got 3 days off over New Year ... and going away with his parents for the night has won over going to see his girlfriend who is recovering from covid...

Am I wrong to be very upset/livid about this?

OP posts:
ecuse · 26/12/2021 20:31

If you're upset you're upset but it sounds like it was probably planned well before you got COVID if they've booked something to go away So: not unreasonable to be upset he's spending rare festive days off with his parents instead of you if NYE is important to you. Especially if it sounds like you don't spend much time together in day to day life

But YAprobablyBU to portray it as " would rather spend time with parents than with gf recovering from COVID"

Mamamia7962 · 26/12/2021 21:12

If he lives 200 miles away and you've been together for 12 years is there any reason why you haven't moved in together. How often do you see each other?

ShittyGlitter · 26/12/2021 21:43

Wow, 12 years and you have spent so many Christmas days alone!

I could be wrong here, but are you just a part time thing for him? Does he have a wife and family elsewhere?

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 26/12/2021 21:53

He already said he couldn't see you until 6th

Sounds like you want an argument over his commitment to his family. You think he puts them first?

AppleButterfly · 26/12/2021 21:57

@ShittyGlitter

Wow, 12 years and you have spent so many Christmas days alone!

I could be wrong here, but are you just a part time thing for him? Does he have a wife and family elsewhere?

My first thoughts too. He has spent 8 of those 11 christmases with his wife, children and grandchildren! I can't see how it can be anything more than a part-time/extra on the side thing if you're living 200 miles apart after 12 years of being in some sort of relationship.
doitwithlove · 26/12/2021 22:54

He is a carer why has he not located closer to where you live. Carers are always needed in every town.

Longdistance · 26/12/2021 22:59

12 years together? Don’t live together? No dc? 200 miles apart.
I wouldn’t waste another 12 hours let alone 12 years on this.

CheshireKitten123 · 26/12/2021 23:00

I would put money on him being married - sorry OP

HollowTalk · 26/12/2021 23:10

@Longdistance

12 years together? Don’t live together? No dc? 200 miles apart. I wouldn’t waste another 12 hours let alone 12 years on this.
Nor me! What's the point?
fineappleglasgow · 26/12/2021 23:13

I also think he has another partner possibly, sorry OP. Either way, you aren't being prioritised in this relationship and there is better out there Flowers

CharlotteRose90 · 26/12/2021 23:31

He’s married with kids sorry. He spends his Christmas time with them. Run while you can.

noirchatsdeux · 26/12/2021 23:53

Nope, he's not married, believe me I know!

We live apart because I don't want to live together. I'm 53, bipolar and have two divorces behind me and never want to live full time with another man again.

OP posts:
SimpsonsXmasBoogie · 27/12/2021 06:03

Sounds like he doesn't prioritise you enough

MiddleParking · 27/12/2021 07:13

Isn’t it just a hypothetical that he’d rather do that, if he’s working anyway? I’d be irritated, but stuff like that seems like the other side of the same coin if it’s you who doesn’t want the commitment of moving in together or anything like that. When will you see him next and for how long?

fallfallfall · 27/12/2021 07:19

Not sure I’d want to spend any time with someone “just recovering” especially if I worked in a caregiving capacity.

mam0918 · 27/12/2021 16:04

Are you the same poster who was mad his mother (who you don't like) wrapped the Xmas gift that you bought yourself and sent to his house?

MichelleScarn · 28/12/2021 08:03

@noirchatsdeux

Nope, he's not married, believe me I know!

We live apart because I don't want to live together. I'm 53, bipolar and have two divorces behind me and never want to live full time with another man again.

If they live apart because it's ops choice, then that negates nearly half of posts about he's not prioritising her, and how dreadful he is not living together after 12 years, or does that now apply to the op?
MargosKaftan · 28/12/2021 08:30

Well he's not your partner is he, he's your boyfriend. You don't live together, you have no plan to commit to him. You don't want to be his support. He is dating you but as you dont want a full relationship with him, he is very sensibly not prioritising you. He had a mini holiday booked. He is next free on 6th January after that.

Perhaps think what you want from a relationship and if it is reasonable. If you dont want to live with someone else, dont want to share your life with them and just date now and then, you can't be surprised a man who wants such a low level of commitment isn't prioritising you over all else.

LittleBirdBlu · 28/12/2021 08:59

@MargosKaftan

Well he's not your partner is he, he's your boyfriend. You don't live together, you have no plan to commit to him. You don't want to be his support. He is dating you but as you dont want a full relationship with him, he is very sensibly not prioritising you. He had a mini holiday booked. He is next free on 6th January after that.

Perhaps think what you want from a relationship and if it is reasonable. If you dont want to live with someone else, dont want to share your life with them and just date now and then, you can't be surprised a man who wants such a low level of commitment isn't prioritising you over all else.

This, you are not showing commitment to him so why would he to you
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