Alone for christmas

[LonelyInAutumn]

Hey guys, I hope everyone is having a great christmas. I just wanted to come here and vent. I'm 23 years old and this is my second christmas alone and I'm not sure how many more I will be alone for or how many more I can handle by myself. I've tried to keep myself busy by doing things I like but that thought of "you're alone whilst everyone is celebrating with their family" keeps creeping up. I live at home with my mom but she has gone to her boyfriends (same as last year). My mom suggested I go with my nan (we're very close) to her sons (my uncle) for christmas but I don't have anything in common with him and his family (different stages in life, he has a partner and kids, I'm still a student). My mom said "you could go and just put your earphones in" but I said "I would feel rude, it would be like I'm not present and may as well stay at home and do that". I know that I CHOSE not to go to my uncles but the truth is, I don't really fit in. I don't fit in with any of my family tbh. I'm the only mixed raced one, all of my cousins from my fathers side have partners and kids etc. I have nothing in common with anybody. I was alone on new years also and my mom will be going to her boyfriends this new years too. What can I do to stop myself from feeling down about this?

I'd also like to add that I'm not trying to villainise my mom here and I'm simply stating the situation :)

Sorry you are on your own. Next year I’d go with your Nan to your uncle. You are close to her and TBH lots of people don’t have a whole bunch in common with their families, but they still manage to have a nice day (and mostly keep their headphones out..)

Definitely go with your nan next time.
Sorry you're on your own. The number of threads started today by people who are NOT on their own and having an awful time shows how being alone can sometimes be preferable.

Hi OP

Sorry you were by yourself last year and also sad that your mixed race heritage is making you feel separate from your extended family and not wanting to be part of the Christmas get together.

Is this coming in any way from them, or is it only your feeling in your OP they can’t relate to your life experience that is making you feel distance? If there has been racism, I can totally understand you choosing not to be around them for your own well-being. If it the latter, lots of people feel different and their family, can’t relate to their life experiences, have nothing in common, but still spend Christmas together.

I don’t want to assume anything, but many grandparents in particular have a strong bond with their grandchildren. Your Nan might love the opportunity to be with you at Christmas, I don’t know how old she is, but would give anything to spend another day with mine 😥. If you focussed on being with her and making it a good day for her, might that make it more enjoyable for you, as it shifts attention off yourself?

Otherwise, what about your friends? Can you possibly join one of their Christmas gatherings? I would love to have my DC friend join us, even more so knowing they would otherwise be by themselves. Many of your friend’s parents may feel the same way as me?

Would you want to volunteer at a charity, that could be very rewarding to make a difference to others who are struggling for whatever reason and take your attention off yourself and being alone?

If you are going to spend it by yourself, what would be your perfect day? Could you start preparing for that, like save up treats, make a new play list, write a plan of how you will spend your day?

Hope some more people come on and post. Lots of love to you OP.

Go to your nans, play games with the kids and get caught up in their Christmas joy. Offer to help cook and pitch in. Fake it till you make it!

I am sorry you feel this way, but from what you have posted you seem unwilling to try. Christmas is a loaded time for many people, with complicated family set ups. It’s what you make it.

You sounds low and I wonder if it is worth speaking to a doctor about your mood, do you often feel like this? Not just at Christmas?

Why can you not gonwith your mum to her boyfriends or her boyfriend spend Christmas with you and your mum. I know you don't want to disrespect your mum but under no circumstances would I leave my child no matter what age alone for Christmas for the 2nd year in a row 😔 just go buy yourself some of your favourite foods and drinks and cosy jammies and snuggle up watching your favourite films and make the most out of it xx in really sorry your alone xx

Will your mum have a nice breakfast with you or do something on Christmas Eve before she goes? Could you go to your uncles just for a drink to break up the day?

If not, I’d go to your uncles if you’ve never tried it before.

Take games or a jigsaw that are group activities if you enjoy them . Offer to do dishes or help in the kitchen.

Will there be young kids you can entertain?

Lots of people enjoy being alone on Xmas but if you don’t why not go along and see what it’s like.

Then if you don’t enjoy it, start a plan for next year. Find some friends who are also going to be alone and suggest a get together.

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation and I do judge your mum for leaving you alone.
if you can I’d arrange to do something with mum on Christmas Eve or on Christmas Day morning (assuming she hasn’t left by then). A pub visit in the evening or a nice breakfast with Christmas music on. Swap gifts.
Then if you don’t feel totally comfortable at your uncles for the full day, could you just go for part of it? Offer to take some food, spend some time with your Nan. Then if you spend the evening at home by yourself you can watch what you want on the tv and get cosy with snacks and drink.
I think you should make it clear to your mum how you feel though, perhaps she doesn’t realise the full picture.

I’m sorry but I would never do that to my child however old they were. Did your mum invite you and did you decline?

I would either;

A) plan to enjoy your own company nice food, treats and do whatever you fancy Christmas themed or nothing to do with Christmas. Also include a good walk in your day listening to some music or an audio book.

B) go to your uncles without any preconceived ideas and try and have a good time.

Take care

PS for everyone lonely at Christmas many feel forced or obligated to spend Christmas cramped up on top of each other with some longing for a quiet Christmas doing exactly as they please without having to make small talk,

I think that if you don't want to be alone then you could see if you can still go with your nan to your uncles. It is pretty typical not to have much in common with some family members, I certainly have a sibling for Christmas who's lifestyle is nothing like mine. We have to both work to find something to appreciate about the other's life, iyswim?

On the other hand, I've also had a perfectly nice Christmas alone in the past with a ton of nice drinks and snacks and a really good book to read. But that might not work for you if you are unhappy about being alone?

I wonder if there is a tricky dynamic here, with your dm going to her partner without you. Is there any chance you're turning down the offer to go with your nan and uncle because you are angry about that? I could understand if that was the case. But it is sometimes impossible to change how your relatives are, and you might be better focusing on those who do want to include you.