Blooming in laws at Christmas

[MysticMole]

Dear Lord! It doesn’t get easier does it if you have a pair of (insert choice word) for in-laws? I’ve been married for 13 years and with my husband for way longer having met at university what feels like many moons ago! We have a 4yo and 8yo and are a happy family unit EXCEPT when it comes to seeing / hosting / visiting his dysfunctional family! They drive me mad and I feel like with all the 2020/21 Covid stress in general I’ve got zero bandwidth for their nonsense - selfish, rude, inappropriate comments, bizarre world views and in painful truth a complete class clash between my husband’s upbringing and mine. Establishing common ground seemed difficult from the get go but not essential pre having children but now they (well MIL as FIL doesn’t really care about much except telling me about his erectile dysfunction issues which I’ve told him I do not want to hear about!!) keep trying to insert themselves into our lives. I live a pretty gilded life so can’t work out why I’m filled with such rage towards them and just want to avoid them! When will it ever end?!!! Husband turns a blind eye to all the nonsense on a “they’re getting older and in their day people held certain views” way that irks me given we are a bi-racial family. It’s corroding my marriage drip by drip or cut by cut. Merry Christmas fellow mums! 🎄❤️💫

laugh, change the subject, walk away, show them the door

Oh I empathise with frustrating in-laws & DH having a complete blind spot. Grin & bear it as best you can, count down the time/days & escPe for dog walks or to take a bath etc as much as is humanly possible. Good luck

Completely sympathise. Mine were so bad that DH decided to go NC in the end. Huge upheaval but worth it. Can’t imagine how I’d cope if I had to be nice to them even once a year. Recommend time alone, whatever alcohol floats your boat and frequent reminders to self that it’s them not you. But most of all, solidarity

Thanks ladies! 🎄🤞🏾💫

Sympathies OP and PP. The outlaws sorry in laws are coming here on Boxing Day 😩 💐 solidarity 🤛 to all ❤️

yeah also have the racist in laws and they are all just odd in very weird ways.

I just walk away. I escape to the kithen to cook (which I love) and then leave all washing up. Long baths, leave them with the kids as much as possible and take DH out for a walk/buy a pint of milk/swift half at the local pub.

Luckily DH sees exactly what they are like and we massivelt ration our time with them. small doses works best - so if we visit it's literally one night and then home.

But it was very freeing to just decide that just because they are in my house doesn't mean I have to spend all day with them. So leave them to it and go for lunch/get your nails down/to the gym/for a walk with a mate.

My FIL has his misogynistic attitudes firmly stuck in the 1970s, and my MIL simpers her way through self centred hyperchondriac selfishness.
They are both extremely critical and controlling.
He got so drunk last year he fell down the stairs.
DH is blind to their toxic natures and will not hear a word against either of them. I can grin and bare it for a while but then they will push me over the edge.
I am going to take the dog for a walk with the bottle of champagne I have hidden in the front garden and a packet of canapés, I am so looking forward to it!

@Crayfishforyou now THAT sounds like an AMAZING idea 🥰

Thats an amazing idea Crazyfishforyou have the best time!

So they are making racist comments in your and your children’s presence, @MysticMole? I don’t blame you feeling done with them.

The comments range from weird to illogical to mean spirited and arising from their small horizons to downright racist (I won’t recount a HORRIFIC comment directed at an innocent passing family as a “joke” (😡) at Chessington World of Adventures when I lost my rag as did my husband and asked his parents to leave and they didn’t speak for a while) but it’s very disconcerting - they’re actually lovely to me but their world views are inconsistent and repugnant. It’s a bizarre dynamic to navigate. I’m not one to tolerate anything that crosses a line and I’m very “outspoken” having been raised in a very academic, feminist and comfortable with calling things out kind of family but they’re massively repressed and I’m sure they’re shocked I won’t tolerate their nonsense. It’s just tiring though.