Always the Christmas Host?

[FanFckingTastic]

I've been looking back at old pictures of previous Christmas get togethers and have realised that, without fail, I've hosted my family / DH's family for Christmas every single year, for at least the past 15 years. Even the one Christmas where we went out to eat on Christmas day, I've then hosted a big get together on Boxing day.

Don't get me wrong, I love seeing the family together but it's dawned on me that no-one else ever seems to take a turn hosting. The planning, the expense and the big clean up is always our problem. Everyone seems to have a nice time but it's getting a bit irritating that it's always us. I'd always assumed that the reason that we hosted was because we have 3 DC's, but now my siblings also have DC's of their own, but they don't host. MIL called my DH a few days ago to ask what was being cooked for her this year so that she could look forward to it. Whilst it's lovely that she likes me cooking for her, it would be equally lovely if someone would cook for me, just once!

It's too late for this year but I need tips for next year to try and pass the baton to someone else! Is anyone else always the host?

I know you feel OP, it’s always us on DHs family. I didnt offer this year, DH did so guess who is in charge of the cleaning up. And we aren’t doing it next year, it’s getting ridiculous and tok expensive. I’m hosting MIL for dinner and then his other family on Boxing Day, it’s cost well over £200.

Mid lunch announce you are stepping down as Chief Host after this year and can't wait for the invites to roll in....

it is a hard one.
Hosting does become someone's job. I think everyone then gets stuck in tradition.

I would love to host but can't fit in 16 people, whereas my brother can.
The cost is a real unspoken about thing abotu Christmas too.

In your position, I would sevre the Christmas pud, pour another glass of wine and then say - well, folks, I think next year it is someone else's turn to host. Who would like to have us all round next year?
When everyone says - Oh but Fan you do such a good job! You can say - yes I do, thank you, but I am hanging up my apron next year, and would love someone else to do the cooking, so who is up for it?

Or send everyone a message in July saying you will nolonger be hosting.

We host as we won't go anywhere else. So if you are prepared to stay somewhere else for Xmas then you should definitely say something. I speak as a host of 14 xmases!

My ocado shop tomorrow is £260 and that's not including the meat from the butchers

I think I’d send a text august/early September time saying you aren’t hosting this year as are taking a break from it. Then wait and see if you get any invites, if you don’t you can plan your own smaller Christmas.

I have been hosting for over 40 years and it would be great for someone to take over but it is unlikely to happen.

I have one father and two brothers. I host these days (which mostly suits me). They are all expected to help defray the cost. I started giving my mother a bit toward it as soon as I left school and got a job.

My parents probably complain about always hosting but they're incredibly fussy about how they like everything to be done and so it stops anyone else from offering. I'd happily host Christmas but I'm much more low key than them and wouldn't spend three days faffing about with homemade stuffing and fancy sprouts. In other words - are you sure you definitely want someone else to host? If you'd be happy eating less than perfect roasties and a dry turkey then I'd say it's fine to pass the baton. Otherwise carry on as you are!

I prefer hosting because I wouldn't like to go anywhere else for Christmas. I only host three of us though, I might feel differently if it was more!

I think most families follow a tradition instead of moving house year to year. If that isn’t working for you, that is ok. Just talk to your family about coming up with a new plan.

I always host and have cooked the christmas dinner for 20 years. We are both only children so its the old people us and the children, who are now teenagers. We do it all twice because the parents and parents in law dont get on so tey do alternate christmas day and boxing day. Then at new year we do new years eve with in laws and new years day with parents. I am fully aware it is my own fault and I let this happen but cant help feeling that I and DH dont matter and have got lost somewhere along the way. I am hoping for a lockdown so we can spend new year without others - sad really.

My mum had this when we were kids - always hosted her inlaws, she was from another country, so just the inlaws, year after year. Her solution was to go away - one year to a lovely hotel and another to her home country.

Break the pattern by going on holiday next year and see who steps in?

I worry that you're my dsis because she always hosts. I always have a chat with her around September time to check she's actually happy and not just trapped.

She seems to love it though.

Definitely bring it up over Christmas. That way everyone can talk about it when they're together. If you send a message in the summer it will get overlooked as everyone will think it's so far away. Then November will roll around and they'll be begging you to do it!

Be prepared for things to change forever by the way; people may take this opportunity to break off and do their own smaller thing rather than host a dozen plus people.

Nah I'd just not mention it all and let them turn up to an empty house next year.

I would make clear this Christmas that you wouldn’t be doing it for the next few years. It’s definitely someone else’s turn

We always host MIL, I don't mind her coming for Christmas but she's here for the best part of a week when she comes as she lives quite far away, I love MIL but I'm always ready for her to go home. DP has brothers but they live at the other side of the country so she's technically closer to us, it was agreed one year dp and his brothers would take it in turn to host her, 11 years later it hasn't happened

I’ve hosted every Xmas since I left home at 19! So 26 years now. I do like staying put at Xmas and picking what food and booze I like but I do get annoyed that no one contributes as it is so costly. I appreciate that I have the biggest home too.

Bottom line is this simply just isn't fair.

Unless they all host at different times of the year and you just do Christmas?

'Hey everyone, we need to make a plan for next year. Hosting is massively hard work, and cost, as I'm sure you're all aware, and we've done it for the past 15. Suggestions please'

Thanks for all of the suggestions! I think that I do just need to let everyone know nice and early. I think part of the problem is that it's just assumed that everyone will come to mine. I need to get my big girl pants on and speak up!

OP would you be upset if your big Christmas changes and for example people do their own thing or host just one or two guests?

I like the idea of bring it up as you all finish Christmas lunch. Preferably as your dh leads the thanks/ praise for a marvellous meal etc.
But you and your dh need to discuss eg today and see what outcomes would be best for your family.