Page 4 | My DD's main santa present has been one upped.

StucklnAMuumuuCantGetOutOflt · 20/12/2021 21:40

He is a selfish, ridiculous man, enabled by his mil. A man with zero imagination, who I wouldn't be entertaining over Xmas - sod that for a game of soldiers.
He could have bought other things Brabie-related and brought a Santa sack of small items to help you out but no.
Very sorry for you OP. Rise above and ignore.

Mittenmob · 20/12/2021 21:45

Kids don't know new from second hand. She'll be ecstatic when she opens yours and confused and bored with his. It's a dumb idea on his part. What an arse.

Katkinsgreyy · 20/12/2021 22:14

Such a silly idea! I definitely wouldn't say he has one upped you with this.
She will be so excited and happy when opening her present on Xmas day. Then later on will receive the exact same gift

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 20/12/2021 22:24

Buy an extension for the dream house from Santa and the dream house is from you. Get stickers, glitter etc for her to customize it, way better than the bland new one she’ll get next.

CharityDingle · 20/12/2021 22:32

@StucklnAMuumuuCantGetOutOflt

He is a selfish, ridiculous man, enabled by his mil. A man with zero imagination, who I wouldn't be entertaining over Xmas - sod that for a game of soldiers. He could have bought other things Brabie-related and brought a Santa sack of small items to help you out but no. Very sorry for you OP. Rise above and ignore.

+1.

Forget about inviting him, from here on.

And lead him up the garden path about future presents, and watch him making an ass of himself.
'I was thinking of buying her a real tiger'... etc.

BigFatLiar · 20/12/2021 22:48

I mean WHY would Santa bring the same thing to both her homes???

Because she has two homes?

If she's still of an age to believe in Santa then you haven't both bought the same/similar toys, Santa's brought one to each house for her to play with.

I think it sounds less about her and more about your relationship with the ex.

Scrooge89 · 20/12/2021 22:50

Honestly the big shiny box is just that a box! We made the Dream house for my DD. When it’s made up she won’t be able to tell and it takes AGES to make so tbh she’ll open the box and then what? He’ll have to spend a couple of hours making it.

Finally there is a new version of the dream house every year - and maybe if you bought second hand you have last years? Which is tonnes better than this year - win win!

Snoopsnoggysnog · 20/12/2021 23:19

Slightly off topic but I would start sending the message next year that Santa brings small presents and stockings and Mum buys you the big present. Saves a lot of heartache. And why should a non existent being get all the credit for your hard work and careful sourcing?

LittleMysSister · 20/12/2021 23:27

Tbh OP my first thought on reading this is that your DD is likely to feel disappointed when she opens that gift from her dad. What an absolute waste to buy her the exact same thing twice when he could have got something different and just as lovely.

I wouldn't feel badly, yours is the one she will see and love first, and she won't care about the box. Tbh if I ever got anything big for Christmas my parents would unbox and set it up for me anyway so I'd never have known. Just make it look really fab with some ribbons etc on Christmas morning and she will never think twice.

As for the wider issue, unfortunately that's just the way it goes sometimes, you can't control what he gets her/spends on his gifts. It would be nice if he wasn't so inconsiderate but sadly you can't change that either.

Quite honestly, since he's so my house vs your house, I'd say he should just do his presents with the girls the next day and leave you to enjoy your day with them without him. He doesn't need to be there and can do his own day with them when he has them.

Keepitonthedownlow · 20/12/2021 23:28

OP I can understand why you're upset you've gone to so much trouble. However the one at yours, the one she sees on Xmas morning, will be so exciting for her to come down to. It'll be assembled in all's glory, maybe even with some fairy lights on it, looking pretty under the Xmas tree. The one at her DFs will be the spare, and the barbies will move between the two I bet. Have a wonderful Christmas

Pixxie7 · 20/12/2021 23:37

I would point out to him that as she will already have one that she will be very disappointed and would far rather have something else, not least because if she has one at home she probably won’t want to play with it at his house.
He sounds like a bit of an idiot to me who clearly hasn’t thought this through possibly being influenced by his mother.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 20/12/2021 23:43

What an absolute arsehole. I wouldn’t be inviting him over etc. For that matter why is he only parenting over tea a few time a week? He obviously cares more about one upping you than about his daughter which is very sad!

MarmitesMyMate · 21/12/2021 00:00

Moving forward give 0 ideas at all.

And maybe alternate Xmas and boxing day each year. Much fairer on the dcs and no back and forth with gifts

Theunamedcat · 21/12/2021 00:04

I've been trying the give zero ideas route the last few years or horror of horrors making him ask his own children what they want

He is getting them vouchers 🤷‍♀️

Mumwithapub · 21/12/2021 01:41

Well if your Barbie house isn't in a box set it up with Christmas decorations inside make it look all Christmassy. It will be lovely don't worry.

Unmerited · 21/12/2021 01:48

@2catsandhappy

I don't get the gift from Santa bit. Why don't you say it is from you?

There’s this thing called Santa, it’s quite popular. It’s a story about a guy in red with a beard, you’ve probably seen it around f this time of year on TV and stuff.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 21/12/2021 01:59

@JongleBalls your ex is a twat!

But set yours up Xmas eve all ready for when she comes downstairs Xmas morning. She will love it!! I had 2nd hand Sindy/Barbie house one year and I still remember how wonderful it was! DP had put a Sindy in my stocking from Santa, and when we went downstairs the house was set up next to the tree, furniture arranged and dolls in situ, it’s my most vivid and magical Christmas memory! (Eventually we passed it on to another child, and her Mum did the same thing)

I think my DP decorated it for Christmas too, I’m sure there were mini paper chains, a wee tree, some tiny boxes wrapped as presents etc.

diddl · 21/12/2021 09:19

How old is she?

Will she really be thinking that Father Christmas left a better present at Mummy's than Daddy's & Daddy bought a better present than Mummy?

I suppose I find having FC & parents buying presents odd.

FC bought presents to give parents a break!

Maybe kids of my generation that I mixed with (nearly 60) were all daft.

We accepted that FC bought presents & so did other people, but never asked why Mum & Dad didn't!

boomboom1234 · 21/12/2021 09:38

How silly of him! Why would he want to buy her the same thing??

Carriecakes80 · 21/12/2021 09:39

My ex was like this with my eldest son, a competition at every turn, like he had to one-up me constantly.
However, its only been in recent years (my son is in his 20's now) that we were talking about his dad who doesn't bother as much now my lads older, but my boy said 'I don't ever really remember what you got me for Christmas, but I do remember you were the one who taught me how to reverse in Mariokart, you taught me how to climb a tree and you taught me how to make the most of every day.'
I cried. it meant the world to me at times years ago when his dad bought him expensive stuff and I was busy just trying to put food on the table, he remembered the little things...x

Cherryrainbow · 21/12/2021 10:03

As others have said, in the future try not to be too specific with him about gift ideas if you're worried about this being a repeat each year.

My son has sometimes ended up with duplicates or stuff at mine and his dads and if anything he's like oh great now I can play with this at both houses! So I don't think your dd will be disappointed? I think she will be like omg I wanted one barbie house and now I have 2 ?! How lucky!

CharityDingle · 21/12/2021 10:04

@LittleMysSister

Tbh OP my first thought on reading this is that your DD is likely to feel disappointed when she opens that gift from her dad. What an absolute waste to buy her the exact same thing twice when he could have got something different and just as lovely.

I wouldn't feel badly, yours is the one she will see and love first, and she won't care about the box. Tbh if I ever got anything big for Christmas my parents would unbox and set it up for me anyway so I'd never have known. Just make it look really fab with some ribbons etc on Christmas morning and she will never think twice.

As for the wider issue, unfortunately that's just the way it goes sometimes, you can't control what he gets her/spends on his gifts. It would be nice if he wasn't so inconsiderate but sadly you can't change that either.

Quite honestly, since he's so my house vs your house, I'd say he should just do his presents with the girls the next day and leave you to enjoy your day with them without him. He doesn't need to be there and can do his own day with them when he has them.

100% agree.

It really shows that he is more interested in competing about gifts than thinking of a small child being puzzled at getting the same gift a second time.
I love the idea of her coming into the room and seeing the house all set up. That is pure magic, right there.

I definitely would be dropping the idea of having him over to yours, OP, from here on. Waste of space.

mewkins · 21/12/2021 10:11

She will love the one you got her and won't notice or care that it isn't new. The fact it is set up and ready to play with is a bonus. When she opens the one at her dad's it will probably take ages to assemble (memories of my dad assembling a barbie caravan for me on Christmas day!)

I agree with everyone in future don't give anyone ideas.

Bigassbeebuzzbuzz · 21/12/2021 10:13

Ds1 and dd is a little like this. He has a much better income than we do and not intentionally but presents from him are always dearer.
I learnt long ago (we split when they were toddlers) just to let him get on with it.
I stick to my budget and he can spend all he likes. As for keeping certain toys at certain houses we always asked the dc where they want them as they are their toys so they get to decide.
I do understand where your coming from though. As long as the dc are happy that's the main thing.

Newmumatlast · 21/12/2021 10:18

@JongleBalls

I feel so sad and annoyed and I don't know if I should be, or what I can do (nothing really this year).

My DD2 has wanted a Barbie dream house for Xmas for months, she's asked Santa for it and tells everyone that's what she wants for Xmas.

I try to be mindful of the environment and often buy big items from Facebook marketplace. They're like new, means one less toy eventually added to landfill, and cheaper. So I found her a fab Dream House bundle on there that was like new and snapped it up.

I'd been asking her dad what he wanted to do for months about Xmas. Last year we split the cost of the main present and then bought a few smaller bits each for her too. This year he was very non committal and vague so I just went ahead and bought it. I scoured marketplace and ebay, spent ages looking, went across town and picked it up, hid it, etc.

Last year on Xmas day (of which he was invited to mine for the day) he declared all the toys from his relatives would be going to his house (DD goes there for tea 3 times a week). His relatives had asked me for ideas and I based these on thinking they were to stay at home, so after Xmas there were some gifts she'd been really looking forward to playing with that she could then only play with a few brief times a week.

This year when his relatives have asked for ideas I've advised them to ask her Dad as he will want them to go to his house and I don't know what she already has there.

When he knew I'd bought one he said "oh shall I give you the money or half the money". I said if you do, will you want the toy to be at your house and he said yes. We were in a room with DD1 and in my head I was thinking..... How do I say no without being arsey about it or pointing out how I'd been asking for ages, had spent hours searching, etc. Thankfully DD1 chimed in instantly and said "I think that's an awful idea because then DSis won't barely be able to play with it and she's super excited." (DD1 is 12 years old with zero social filter). Secretly I was so relieved she had pointed this out to her Dad and I could then say yes that's a good point maybe you choose another lovely gift.

A week later ex announced that he had bought DD2 a brand new Dream House for her to open at his house and keep there, and his mum had bought a HUGE bundle of barbies and stuff to go with it.

MIL is awful for over buying and when we were together ex was very strict with her and tried to reign her buying in slightly. It's lovely she's generous but it's over the top minimalism and opposite of my views and how I want my kids to think about Xmas.

So now DD2's main present from Santa has been fully paid for from me, so I haven't bought her (in her eyes) a big present, but Daddy has bought her a bigger better shinier version of her santa present, and granny has bought her tonnes to go with it. And they've then also bought lots of other bits too.

I feel annoyed with ex. I feel sad I'm going to be spending all future xmases like this. Anything I buy and take time to get and make special they will just out buy me and go one better. DD1 has special needs and I'm her carer, I'll never have the income to match them and even then I wouldn't want to. I don't want them spoilt or materialistic, and I don't want to enter into an ever increasing spending contest.

Tell her it's from you not Santa.

Telling kids stuff is from Santa always means that you wont get the credit and that is the risk you take if people then buy them gifts and you cant afford more because of buying the santa gift.

She will still love your gift. She will presumably get yours first and will be able to play with it more. You can tell her it's a special one you sourced for her so its different to what other people might have. When you find out from her that she got one from Dad you can say how lucky her barbies are that they have two houses to stay at just like her and she can take them from home to there and back.

When she is older she will very much appreciate all the effort you went to and will understand much better. It never works well telling kids they cant take presents home. It takes the shine off of their gifts and they emotionally detach from them. I've seen it.