Ungrateful and fussy

[Lagirltime]

What to buy for my partner who is u grateful and fussy. When I ask what he wants he says he doesn’t want anything hen a day or so later starts saying oh get me this get me that. But they are items he already has and is clearly making stuff up so he has “presents to open”. I see Christmas is for the children and small gifts for adults is fine. He tried to make out he’s “got another delivery” for one of my presents but he says it to make me feel pressured to buy him loads. Pisses me off. Argue every Christmas

Why are you still with him? Doesn’t sound like he makes you happy.

Sounds like you've had some kind of a communication about this (I hesitate to call it a conversation)... what has he said about why he does this?

DP and I don't ever ask what the other wants - we know one another well enough (and pay attention to one another's lives) to choose independently and get something that shows we care.

If DP asked me what I wanted I'd find it tricky to answer, too–what I really want is something I wouldn't think to buy myself (otherwise I would). It's just a way to demonstrate "hey, I know you and I've put some thought into something that will make you happy."

Can you just get him something you think he'll like and be done with it?

Seems like a lot of drama over something fairly simple...

Honestly - ungrateful and fussy would make me just say let's not swap gifts.

If I buy him something I think he might like he says what did you get me this for. Totally annoys me. I feel So much pressure around gift sharing when I really shouldn’t.
I can’t do right which is why I always ask him what he wants. Takes the whole point of Christmas away … surprises etc. It’s pathetic. I’ve told him I don’t want anything because I cant be bothered with the whole thing anymore. Then he buys me a big pile of gifts and tells me what order to open them in. It’s absolutely ridiculous

Would it be remiss of me to guess this isn't the only area of your relationship where he's controlling and manipulative?

This book, which you can borrow straight away.

www.amazon.co.uk/Emotionally-Abusive-Relationship-Abused-Abusing/dp/0471454036

He doesn’t control me he just gets over excited at Christmas time and sooo excited for me to open my gifts. It’s annoying

Why don’t you just agree a budget? £20 or whatever fits your budget if it’s all getting a bit stressy and you have kids you’re buying for? Then you each have something to open but there’s no pressure.

Yes we have kids. I do t see the point in splashing out in each other. Tried to state a budget but he says he can buy what he wants. Such a headache.

He sounds annoying.

Have you told him he’s ruining your enjoyment of Christmas with his bullshit?

Life size Boris cutout? www.fruugo.co.uk/boris-johnson-cardboard-cutout-lifesize-or-mini-size-standee-stand-up/p-64802297-130764858?language=en&ac=bing&msclkid=4ee5869db04117dae658e7222eb135b7&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=(10-20%5D_GB&utm_term=4574861728856401&utm_content=GB%20-%20(10-20%5D

Terrifying squirrel puppet www.amazon.co.uk/AOLIAY-Squirrel-Education-Children-Storytelling/dp/B09KH2F3RG/ref=asc_df_B09KH2F3RG?hvlocphy&linkCode=df0&psc=1&hvnetw=o&hvlocint&hvdev=t&hvadid=80401908442967&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-4584001434036005

Baldi Mug www.amazon.co.uk/Baldi-Comb-Mug-Birthday-Christmas/dp/B07Z9JPK8T/ref=asc_df_B07Z9JPK8T?hvlocphy&linkCode=df0&psc=1&hvnetw=o&hvlocint&hvdev=t&hvadid=80470599602026&hvqmt=e&hvbmt=be&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-4584070144933118

Or this mug is also perfect for him www.amazon.co.uk/Funny-Slogan-Rude-Mug/dp/B01BNL63J6/ref=bmx_dp_jg246wkn_5/262-1330419-2858015?psc=1&pf_rd_p=40958b19-42f5-43f1-9744-12c56978a078&pf_rd_r=NN5RZC27VR75KYX29W5A&pd_rd_wg=vpnH7&pd_rd_i=B01BNL63J6&pd_rd_w=CBpKY&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&pd_rd_r=ea5c6e73-e09f-447c-aa44-4a15d05bc499

A badge that says 'I'm an insufferable twat'?

A lump of coal.

DP and I both said we don't need anything which is true we don't but we have each got the other a present anyways just one though

@Lagirltime

What to buy for my partner who is u grateful and fussy. When I ask what he wants he says he doesn’t want anything hen a day or so later starts saying oh get me this get me that. But they are items he already has and is clearly making stuff up so he has “presents to open”. I see Christmas is for the children and small gifts for adults is fine. He tried to make out he’s “got another delivery” for one of my presents but he says it to make me feel pressured to buy him loads. Pisses me off. Argue every Christmas

Please tell us why you are with this insufferable person ??

Just tell him you're not buying him anything and that you don't want anything
If he then buys you gifts it's on him as you've made it quite clear that you're not participating
And I'd be telling him to piss right off if he was sitting there telling me which ones to open... they'd be going in a black bin liner unopened and handed back to him so that he can get refunds
He sounds a complete idiot and a controlling one at that
Ugh!

@WeatherwaxLives

A badge that says 'I'm an insufferable twat'?

Take him at his word and don't buy him anything, just get an Oxfam gift where he gets a magnet and someone in Africa gets access to clean water or school books.

I second agreeing to a budget. Maybe £40? Takes a lot of the guesswork out of it and doesn't allow him to pressure you to keep buying stuff