Christmas was teenagers - what’s yours like? Anyone else dreading it?

[Twobigsapphires]

3 teenage dc here. It’s been an odd few Christmas’s. On one had it’s nice to get a lay in at Christmas now and not feel the whole Santa pressure etc but now it feels harder work for other reasons.

What’s Xmas like for you guys with teens? Do you enjoy it, what do you do? Is it worth making much effort etc? Do they just want to be left alone / be with friends?

DS (18) and DD (15) are v different. DD is obsessed with tradition at Christmas and Things Must Not Be Deviated From. From choosing the tree with DH, to decorating it (we used to do this together but she does 95% of it now, as likes it a certain way), to making Kringle Christmas Eve, to going to the village pub, she loves it. Well I think she does, there's not a lot of smiling as she's 15 🤣

DS is nonchalant about it all, as he mostly always has been.

They do both pile on our bed for stockings at an increasingly later hour in the morning. We usually wait until after late lunch for presents but as we have other family for lunch this year they've said they want to do it earlier. DD is conflicted though because Tradition. But also Privacy.

Teens

We have two young teenagers and a 10 year olds but the excitement levels are still quite high and nothing has really changed in terms of the magic.

They still have Christmas PJ’s delivered by the Christmas fairy, all still choose to stay in the same bedroom on Christmas Eve, we can still here the hilarity and nonsense and terrible effort to stay quiet before 7am...

We have adapted a few things, we do family presents/presents under the tree later in the day once all dressed up. It’s tradition for my eldest two DD’s to make the belinis with smoked salmon, goats cheese etc and they look forward to researching table arrangements/toppings etc for them.

They are also allowed a couple glasses of Prosecco with presents opening and this makes the whole tradition fairly posh and special.

I do think pp are right, allow time for them to slope off when needed, I actually quite enjoy the extra time with DH which is feels lovely after years of juggling, toy building, Christmas dinner making, mess damage control. Plan movies (though we never put the TV on on Christmas Day but know some family’s like a Christmas film) and games that are age appropriate and keep the energy up.

Our two youngest DD’s also have ponies and the as of yet the excitement to go over with all their overpriced gear and check if Santa has left anything in theirs stocking hasn’t faded and I think EVERYONE should enjoy a little fresh air on Christmas Day.

Bad Santa is game we have played for the last 4 years and all 3 girls love if so much!

I have two sons 18 and 15. The 18 year old has been back from uni for a week. It is lovely to have him home. We have Christmas traditions that must not be deviated from such as the reusable advent calendar. We sent Ds1 an advent calendar at uni, he declared it okay but missed ours.

They will still hang up their stockings on Christmas eve for Father Christmas and we film is like we have always done. We have a Christmas menu that starts on Monday but the first day of school holidays for everyone (yesterday) is a pyjama and film watching day. We had hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows. Dh takes the same holiday as Ds2 so everyone is off together.

Christmas morning is a bit later but still 7.30-8am. They come downstairs together, open stockings then presents from us under the tree. They open their selection boxes for breakfast. Then later, shower, dressed and off to my sisters for Christmas lunch. Then she goes to her ILs and I go to mine. We have nibbles there and then boxing day is just us, a casual day followed by hosting other family members for a few days afterwards. It is what we have always done. Like I said, traditions.

We usually spend time together as a family anyway, family dinner every night, never had the children take food to their rooms or another room. We all eat together, not just at Christmas, all year round. We watch films and tv shows together and play games. I love it.

You have NOT failed as a mother Twobigsapphires!. What you are describing about your teens is totally normal adolescent/young adult behaviour and not especially related to Christmas. And it is draining! It particularly must be with three at once!

Sitting in your bedroom for long periods is a "safe" way of cutting yourself off from your parents and becoming a separate individual, before you move out in reality. And many teens waver between "want to grow up and explore the world/want to retreat back home for a bit".

Many older teens/ students go through a phase where they feel.semi-detached from home and a "bit superior". When I asked my 18 year old about cleaning/Christmas prep recently, she told me she had her mind on "higher" things

All the emotional ups and downs are exhausting op, especially if you are the main facilitator/driver of events. So my advice to you is:

1. Build in some time for you to do some things YOU enjoy this Christmas, so you can recharge a bit. And don't feel guilty! You will be modelling self-care! Teens don't have a clue sometimes how self centred they are being, and parenting them can sometimes be a bit unrewarding, so give yourself a pat on the back, a stiff gin, and time to unwind!

1. Step back a bit and let all of the emotional angst and highs and lows wash over you a bit. Make it clear you are available in a crisis and keep important lines of communication open, but other than that, go about your day with a breezy "that's a shame" or "yes that would have been better, perhaps you could organise it?" Make it clear that with your support in the background, they can work out specific problems themselves.

Good luck

The ‘magic’ idea pisses me off. Extra layer of pressure on mothers.

l love it, l just go with the flow, we always have a lovely day, no agenda, no timetable, just easy and relaxed.

@Dozer not if you you enjoy creating “the magic”

Iike most things in life, do what you want to do and if other bits aren’t for you simply don’t do them.

Me, I live for that shit!

Sounds tough OP but hang in there & as others have already said, don't give up hope, you're not a bad mother. Teens can be a law onto themselves.

We have 16 year old & exactly as some others have pointed out is a stickler for upholding traditions! I think it's a security thing - they're going through so much change & we're not allowed to change..we're the permanence in their lives..it gives a sense of comfort & as I said security.

Similar to a pp we still do everything the same as we always did..stockings get hung up & Santa leaves the presents in the same place & we give 1 present from us under the tree. Our teen might suggest 1 thing they'd potentially like & we listen carefully to various conversations from months before about things that might be of interest & so they have no clue really what they're getting. That element of surprise is important I think & dh & I love doing it

My teen years were not great as my parents decided I was too old for all that & roped me into sorting a lot out for younger sibling. I can still remember that feeling of flatness that they just couldn't be bothered making an effort for me anymore & lots of years they just gave me money & told me to buy my own presents & give them to them to leave out on Christmas eve for my younger Santa believing sibling

I swore not to do that. And dh never had Santa because his parents never bothered with it. We've had lots of fun over the years creating our own wonderful traditions- perhaps a little too well as dc shows no signs of wanting them to stop!

We do stocking for each other. We do dcs together & I do dh's & he does mine. That's a newish 3 or 4 year tradition we've added as when dc was genuinely of Santa believing age Santa just filled theirs

We get up around 8am & all go down together to see if 'he's been' & we open our stockings together. We light the fire v quickly & sit around it with coffee

Then we open the tree presents in the other room with the Christmas tree lighting.

We make a big brunch with champagne & we eat dinner in the evening with candles & the table set beautifully..

I love our Christmases & I think teen does too. They still escape to their room at various stages but I'm fine with that

I'd love to spend Christmas with my DD age 14, but she's going to her dad's 300 miles away for two weeks! 😢

One teen so far. He’s had a strop that we forgot to make popcorn strings for the tree, so if that’s the worst it gets, I’m happy!

We will break up the day with a beach trip I think, otherwise I think he will join in ok.

This will be my first Christmas with a teen but I can already see the change in her since last year. No longer wanting to wear a Christmas jumper, pulling her face at the thought of Christmas PJ'S which we always did. Not wanting to go on any Christmas outings or activities.
She's having a new phone for Christmas so I think she'll spend the entire day glued to that and won't hear or see anything from her unless I message her of course!
She thinks EVERYTHING is so uncool at the moment so I darn't suggest we play board games or watch a Christmas movie as she can't possibly be seen doing that (even though I don't do social media so no pics will be around!). I think Christmasses are pretty much over for us now.

The teen years can be tough. Mine varied over the years. 13-16 couldn’t be arsed to get out of bed, slouched down about midday, opened their presents then cleared off back to bed until dinner ready. Then the later teens, out with mates, coming home drunk or bringing drunken mates home.

Then things changed and they became reasonable adults. One had a baby and wanted traditional Christmas again. The other spent a couple of Christmas’s helping at a Christmas lunch for the elderly.

Reading the about the teens 'sloping off to their rooms' for a bit reminds me of something I read once (It was probably in FHM or similar type magazine many years ago and it wasn't me, honest) where a bloke had written in to tell a tale of an embarrassing Christmas incident.

A 14/15 year old lad was sitting listening to all his family talking around the table after lunch. Bored out of his mind, the idea and words start to formulate in his head that he is going to politely excuse himself and head to his bedroom to listen to some of his new CD's (I know . . . ) but - because he's so clever - that's just an excuse! Not that they can compete with his superior, teenage boy mind; fools!

Up he gets, clears his throat:

"If you nobody minds, I'm going to go upstairs to my room to have a wank"

Silence as he makes his way around the table, cheeks burning. His mother glaring at him and other family members in open mouthed astonishment. Until he reaches door and hears the familiar cackle of his Grandad starting to crack up and burst into roars of laughter.

So, you see, they are teenagers and do need their own bit of space. Whatever they're up to (and some of the time it might not be worth thinking about).

My poor teen girl was really looking forward to going to grandparents for Christmas to hang with teen cousins. Her younger brother has just tested positive which has scuppered that plan.
She is now saying she is just going to pretend Christmas is not happening and we should not open any presents etc and rearrange with family in the New Year.
I hope she gets a bit more reasonable before the day comes or it will be miserable here.
I am sad and miserable about it too but trying to make the best of plan B.

It's just like Christmas with adults for us, except with limits on the drink for the teen! I have a sister 10 years younger and she hosted Christmas at 17.

We (or I) still do stockings for the dc, aged 21 and 19, and never put them out until they’re in bed. Last year, eldest dc cooked, and probably will do this year. I may have gone slightly overboard with the presents, but they will be the only ones they’ll be getting us from us, bar one.

I still want it to be a special day - best china out (yes, we have a Royal Doulton best set). I’d like to do a family board game, but my dh and dc aren’t into board games 😟.

I do think it’s harder to make Christmas more special when they reach the teen years,

Sport activities stop, so mine ends up bored and quarreling with DH. They both get under my feet. DS not back until 10 Jan

All same traditions as when they were little, except with addition of alcohol..and later start in the morning
They are horrified if I suggest any deviation.
Its panto on Christmas eve, Christmas pj's, stockings, etc...
I adore my teens/young adult children, step children and their various partners.. All good humoured, nice company and Christmas is always magic,

My DS is 19 in Boxing Day and my DD is 17. I only have them every other Christmas Day and I always love it!
DD still likes all the things to be exactly as they were - new pyjamas, stockings etc. DS is far less bothered about the tradition but mostly just goes with the flow - except the pyjamas!
They still pile into our bed with their stockings although a lot later than before! We open all our presents and then they often disappear to their rooms for a bit to tidy it all away and get ready for the day.
This year we have DSs GF joining us after lunch which will be lovely. We always buy new games and have a games evening while munching on snacks and having drinks.

I've still got a 9 year old, but the rest of mine are teens and older. It's still really lovely. We play games, we drink alcohol, they help with the baking and the cooking, we chat.

They are funny - if I dare drop a tradition, they hate it.

Gets harder with teens. Don't want to go to sleep and still wake up early. Mine was up at 5.50 am again