Page 3 | Surprise gifts for yourself

Christmastreejoy · 2021-12-18T00:45:40+00:00

Can anyone recommend any nice surprise/mystery gifts I could get myself so I have a couple of surprises Christmas Day? I have bought myself a couple of presents so I have things to open as my husband doesn’t do gifts (don’t get me started on this as it’s a really annoyance tbh) but I always feel a bit sad when everyone else is opening stocking etc and I’m opening mine knowing what they are before I start. I don’t do make up etc but like stationary and arty stuff. Wondering if anywhere does mystery gifts that are actually nice and not just a collection of things that haven’t sold well in the store generally? Thanks

TheCatsHaveKilledTheGonks · 18/12/2021 12:17

Sure, some autistic people will be crap at buying presents just as some neurotypical people are, but it's certainly not a feature of autism!

Or to not want to do it, or be bothered to make the effort. It's absolutely no excuse OP and please don't put it down to his disability: it's purely a personality issue.

TheCatsHaveKilledTheGonks · 18/12/2021 12:19

@TheCatsHaveKilledTheGonks

Also super cute there presents that they choose for each other. 💛

*the not there! 🤣🙈

AsymQuestion · 18/12/2021 12:19

@Christmastreejoy

He is autistic which definitely adds to it. We have talked about it but he does simply suck at this. It’s like he has a mental block on it.

I do agree though that’s it’s not great modelling for the kids. Maybe I need to send him these links and tell him to sort it

But he doesn't have a mental block. He buys your children presents. He manages to find out what they want or choose gifts for them. He knows how to do it! You've just accepted the excuse and his incompetence. We all have strengths and weaknesses but he is not incapable of buying you a present.

He's a functioning adult man. It's one of those shitty 'oh I'm crap at this'; like they think anyone, any woman enjoys the mental burden of thinking about, agonising over, sourcing, budgeting for, fetching, wrapping and delivering presents for their entire family? No. But they do it.

I too have clung to excuses to justify ex partners shitty shortfalls, but it is wrong to, it never hurts them, only you.

Original poster

Christmastreejoy · 18/12/2021 12:37

No he has never once bought the kids a gift either and my eldest is nearly 15. Laziness definitely comes in to it though.

I might see if the kids want to go to the range or somewhere to get a gift for each other and us. We do normally do this but it’s been trickier with covid plus the children are also autistic so struggle with busy shops.

OP posts:

AsymQuestion · 18/12/2021 12:58

Oh sorry OP, I have muddled another post I'd read with yours, ( maybe it was one of the replies in this thread) where husband buys for kids and himself but not wife.

I'm just mad for you because it is laziness, he doesn't have a mental block, it doesn't require any special set of skills or knowledge or understanding, no complex themes. Like others have said autism doesn't mean an adult is incapable of buying a present.

Send him links to gifts you would like, do it now! Shamelessly and guilt free! You deserve it. And the gift buying and exchange with children is a great idea, teaching children young to know how to do this/think of others is so valuable x

SunshineCake1 · 18/12/2021 13:16

@Christmastreejoy

yes this is def what gets me. I do all the kids shopping and the gifts for his family. I don’t have any family of my own who we see as my mum passed away a few years ago and I don’t have contact with my dad. It would just be nice for some of that time and thought to be returned. I could spend a fortune on gifts for myself but it wouldn’t take that sting away tbh. He is great in other ways but yeah the gift thing sucks

Then tell him! No excuse. He has time to get his arse to the shop. There is no excuse for his being so rubbish.

Gemmasmagicalbookworld · 18/12/2021 13:28

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Jumpingintochristmas · 18/12/2021 13:32

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Gemmasmagicalbookworld · 18/12/2021 13:34

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mam0918 · 18/12/2021 18:36

Yeah DH would be ex DH if he didn't bother to put in any effort.

I never understand why people put up with that, I don't expect anything off of anyone in life EXCEPT my DH, and damn right I expect the basics off him.

I do my own stocking because I don't think the thought ever crossed his mind but he does get me a few gifts.

That said I have always thought if I was single I would buy myself a mystery box just for the surprise of it - I love a surprise and think it's a really cool idea.

mam0918 · 18/12/2021 18:39

@AsymQuestion

Oh sorry OP, I have muddled another post I'd read with yours, ( maybe it was one of the replies in this thread) where husband buys for kids and himself but not wife.

I'm just mad for you because it is laziness, he doesn't have a mental block, it doesn't require any special set of skills or knowledge or understanding, no complex themes. Like others have said autism doesn't mean an adult is incapable of buying a present.

Send him links to gifts you would like, do it now! Shamelessly and guilt free! You deserve it. And the gift buying and exchange with children is a great idea, teaching children young to know how to do this/think of others is so valuable x

I know it's a spectrum and people are different but my mother is autistic and buying gifts for people is her life and biggest joy - I worry because she can easily be taken advantage of because she is so giving.

Its definitely not a blanket 'autism' thing to not buy presents for people but I would say more a unique personality trait (and kind of selfish/lazy).

coodawoodashooda · 18/12/2021 22:44

Slippers and other items you can instantly use.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 18/12/2021 22:53

I bought a set of 4 chiffon scarves intending to give one/two to my Mum.......but I like them all and she doesn;t really wear them ( I was ging to buy her a jumper and give her a scarf bit I bought her something else)

So Win:Win

GlamourSpider · 18/12/2021 23:00

themysterygiftbox.com/

JustGiveMeTwoMinutes · 18/12/2021 23:08

If you know one person with autism you know one person's autistic traits. This could well be how autism affects OP's husband it is not necessarily a personality thing or laziness but could just be something that he is genuinely not good at due to his autism. It could be worth sharing the links to sites like the awesome with home and seeing if that brings this within his capabilities

Original poster

Christmastreejoy · 18/12/2021 23:22

@JustGiveMeTwoMinutes

If you know one person with autism you know one person's autistic traits. This could well be how autism affects OP's husband it is not necessarily a personality thing or laziness but could just be something that he is genuinely not good at due to his autism. It could be worth sharing the links to sites like the awesome with home and seeing if that brings this within his capabilities

Yes exactly this! We are an autistic household with both children diagnosed and I’m awaiting assessments. I don’t think he means to be shit at it but executive functioning etc definitely make it tricky for him.

OP posts:

TheCatsHaveKilledTheGonks · 19/12/2021 14:54

@JustGiveMeTwoMinutes

If you know one person with autism you know one person's autistic traits. This could well be how autism affects OP's husband it is not necessarily a personality thing or laziness but could just be something that he is genuinely not good at due to his autism. It could be worth sharing the links to sites like the awesome with home and seeing if that brings this within his capabilities

There's no way to attribute it to autism though. It's nothing to do with any of the diagnostic criteria, so it is a personal issue with him, not a feature of autism.