What to do regarding who gifts are from for DC?

TheFairPrincess · 2021-12-06T10:25:46+00:00

So inspired by the "What does Santa bring" thread, I'm having a dilemma regarding what to do with regards to who brings what this year. I really like the idea of really well put together stockings. I started doing that last year exactly the same as a poster on that thread with special toys that wouldn't be found in regular shops, special sweets from JL etc. I'm wondering if it's too late to change the story a bit and have the gifts under the tree from us? My DD had a wobble a few nights ago because a little girl at school told her that FC was not real. I'm not mad as she told my DD a very adult sounding story about how it's your mum and dad but the magic and spirit of Christmas is what is real, so it sounds like this little girl has been told for a good reason why children get different amounts of presents. So I'm wondering if I can piggy back off of that, continue to do the nice stockings and label her big presents from us? That would help my DD with her confusion regarding what she's been told, and I'm also aware some people on the thread mentioned DC being confused that their parent's didn't get them any presents. My DD has some big items to receive so I'm thinking of having those from us. But, is it too late? Will it just cause more confusion? I did make a big deal of the stockings last year being from Santa and tbh the conversation regarding the tree presents just didn't come up much.

TeenMinusTests · 06/12/2021 10:30

Surely whether it is 'too late' depends on the age of your DC, which you haven't told us....

Personally, I think stockings from Santa and everything else from people keeps things a lot simpler.

MrsT84 · 06/12/2021 10:32

In my house Father Christmas only brings one present for our son. The rest are labelled from Mummy and Daddy. We have done this since he was 1. This way we still get some of the credit for what we have spent our hard earned cash from! He thinks very carefully about what to ask Father Christmas for each year and we do our best to find it! We also wrap it in paper with Father Christmas on so it stands out from the rest. We also do stockings but, again, these are from mummy and daddy and have things like chocolate coins/ activity books/ novelty bits in. Our son is 7 and more than happy with this arrangement x

lorisparkle · 06/12/2021 10:34

We initially did not label the big gifts under the tree from us and let the dc think they were from Father Christmas however we then did change the story and said that just the stockings were from Father Christmas. The DC were not bothered by the change in story. I am afraid I can't remember how old they were but the oldest must have been at least 6 or 7 or even older!

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 06/12/2021 10:34

We had gifts from family/friends, from whoever had bought them & gifts from parents & some of them from Santa - sometimes he got the credit for big presents, sometimes smaller presents.

We found kids didn't really say who gifts were from
When talking to friends, just that they'd got a new bike or whatever, for Christmas.

Smileatthesmallthings · 06/12/2021 10:44

Stockings and a gift or 2 (nothing too extravagant) that are asked for on the letter come from Father Christmas. Everything else comes from whoever bought it. I have been strict to family to say that only we buy father Christmas presents because I don't want DS (4) questioning things too early (he's a smart cookie and would definitely ask). Anything from FC comes wrapped in the same special paper which is wildly different to our brown paper and ribbons. Changing up the story depends on your DC's age I think. I dread the day someone tells him FC isn't real.

Bimblybomeyelash · 06/12/2021 10:47

Personally I think it’s best not to overthink it. If you make a big thing of it then it just invites questions from the kids and you have to remember to ‘stick to the story’. I don’t think it’s necessary to make a big deal of ‘that’s from Santa and this is from me’. My kids write a letter to Santa. Some of it appears in stockings/under the tree, some of it is given by Granny and Granpa etc. They’ve never shown any interest about which presents come from me or from Santa! They are just excited to get presents! I think once they are old enough (and greedy enough) to say ‘if this came from Santa then what did YOU get me’, the. They are old enough to know the truth.

I think in recent years there has become a desperation to make Santa as real as possible for as long as possible. But he is just a story. We don’t do everything possible to make our kids believe in the gruffalo, we just tell the story. And yet little kids often do believe because they are magical thinkers. And they stop believing in the gruffalo naturally as they grow older. I approach Santa in the same way. I’ve told them the story and they believe for now.

LauraChant · 06/12/2021 10:49

When I was little, stockings were from Santa and main presents from family, but I was aware other families did it differently.
I decided this was because in other families the parents pretended the main presents were from Santa as well for some reason. So in my mind, Santa existed, but some families chose to pretend he brought everything.
This also solved for me the "it is your parents" thing - I felt children who said this had been told by their parents that Santa brought everything, had found out this wasn't the case, and now thought Santa didn't bring anything - when, as any fule kno, he brought the stocking presents.
I think I missed a career as a theologian. But can you give DD that impression? Yes, your friend is right Santa doesn't bring the main present - he brings the stocking presents?

Original poster

TheFairPrincess · 06/12/2021 10:51

Sorry I did mean to add their ages! Eldest is recently 6 but a quite mature 6, middle is 4 and youngest is just 1.

I feel like the 6 year old is the one to worry about as 4 year old is obviously adamant FC exists. I was thinking about a half truth to incorporate the fact that her friend is right but only in that mummies and daddies do buy presents but Santa really does fill the stocking.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheFairPrincess · 06/12/2021 11:34

Love that idea @LauraChant :)

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Original poster

TheFairPrincess · 06/12/2021 11:39

@Bimblybomeyelash

Personally I think it’s best not to overthink it. If you make a big thing of it then it just invites questions from the kids and you have to remember to ‘stick to the story’. I don’t think it’s necessary to make a big deal of ‘that’s from Santa and this is from me’. My kids write a letter to Santa. Some of it appears in stockings/under the tree, some of it is given by Granny and Granpa etc. They’ve never shown any interest about which presents come from me or from Santa! They are just excited to get presents! I think once they are old enough (and greedy enough) to say ‘if this came from Santa then what did YOU get me’, the. They are old enough to know the truth.

I think in recent years there has become a desperation to make Santa as real as possible for as long as possible. But he is just a story. We don’t do everything possible to make our kids believe in the gruffalo, we just tell the story. And yet little kids often do believe because they are magical thinkers. And they stop believing in the gruffalo naturally as they grow older. I approach Santa in the same way. I’ve told them the story and they believe for now.

This is also a fair point. I asked DP as I am desperate to let her have a little more time believing, and I can't quite work out why. Maybe it's because I saw how distressed she was when she was telling me about how Father Christmas wasn't real. But my gut is not to push it.

My DP isn't keen on changing the story and is more laid back about it. I knew from very young FC wasn't real and I still remember many years of magical feeling Christmases. I just don't want her to feel any conflict and the tree presents/stockings from Santa feel like it is easier to explain so much and also easier to transition from believing to non believing.

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ODFOgrinch · 06/12/2021 11:50

In our house it was always stocking and one present from Santa, the rest from
Family. Importantly (for us) the gift from Father Christmas was unwrapped and labelled with a big silver and white bow and tag, whereas all the other gifts were wrapped in green, red and/or gold.

All my DC were late to realise that it was made up because the story was simple and consistent.

We had a wobble when the eldest was around 9 and loudly said ' you ate that mince pie and drank the milk!' But when I pointed out that the whole carrot was gone, stalk and all, and that couldn't have been us she agreed and belief was restored!

MyDcAreMarvel · 06/12/2021 12:10

We do a stocking from Santa with chocolate and small items toys like play dough pots, lip balms, hot wheels cars etc. then a sack from Santa with main presents. Then the dc get one present each from me and their dad just before they go to bed. Those gigs are more sentimental like a special book we have written in or a nice Teddy something they will likely keep a while.
We do tell the dc we send money to Santa because they have to buy the presents that can’t be handmade in the North Pole because he can’t afford to buy presents for the whole worlds children. This helps to set a budget and explains why other children get different amounts of value of presents from Santa.
They have never shown any confusion.

FireworkParrot · 06/12/2021 12:26

Stockings are from Father Christmas here and any other presents are from us/family and friends.

We went with that story for many reasons, partly because it's easier to explain why some children get more or less, partly so they know to thank grandparents and other family for the bigger gifts, partly so we can have a discussion about budget for any expensive/bigger items they'd like and also because I felt it would be easier to keep the Father Christmas thing low key if he always just brought chocolates and little surprises in the stockings. No big shock/upset when they found out the truth. I'm definitely prone to overthinking things though so it's quite possible I've worried for nothing.

@TheFairPrincess for what it's worth, I'd do as above and say stockings are from Father Christmas. It's easier then to agree that her friend is right and parents do buy some of the presents but it keeps the magic alive for a little longer.

NuffSaidSam · 06/12/2021 13:13

Here, Santa fills the stockings and leaves one 'big' present under each person's stocking (this is whatever they wrote to Santa for). Everything else is from us.

Hoppinggreen · 06/12/2021 13:16

Right from being little we/family have always bought the presents under the tree, although sometimes they give them to Santa for delivery.
Santa fills the stocking that’s hung on the mantelpiece with small gifts

FFSAllTheGoodNamesAreGone · 06/12/2021 13:21

We do main and big presents from us. My DS puts out a sack on Christmas Eve and FC brings a little toy present, colouring book, crayons, new nice pencil for homework, a bedtime book and some chocolate coins. If it's in the sack it's from FC. Anything else is us, family and friends. That way he knows to thank people for their gifts.

annlee3817 · 06/12/2021 13:31

We just do one present from Santa, the rest are from family, friends and us. Have always done that, like a PP we try and get something she has specifically asked for in her letter to Santa, but obviously depends.on what that is :)

DartmoorChef · 06/12/2021 13:37

In our family father Christmas is just the magical equivalent of a delivery driver, bringing presents from parents and family

changingchanges2 · 06/12/2021 13:40

No presents from Santa. He is a character just like Peppa Pig. We love reading Christmas stories, and going to visit him at his grotto etc. But as far as who gives what toys to who? It's mummy and daddy.

Can't get more simple than that.

MargosKaftan · 06/12/2021 13:44

In our house father Christmas always brought stockings and one gift wrapped left by the stocking in their rooms, then things under the tree have labels on saying who they are from, including ones from Mummy and Daddy. At 6, you could just do this, pick one smallish thing from the list and have that in their room from Father Christmas along with the stocking and then the main one with a label saying its from you.

Also worth getting them to give gifts to their siblings if they don't currently, you can buy something from the siblings lists and gift that from each child.

Jumpingintochristmas · 06/12/2021 13:56

I wouldn’t change too much now.

When DC1 was a baby we decided that FC would bring a stocking for each family member and 1 tree present per child.
Stockings have a budget of £50 and always include treats from alternative retailers such as hand crafted chocolates and earrings from Etsy etc plus more luxurious items. Each item wrapped in red tissue paper. The tree gift is wrapped in different ‘north pole’ paper and red ribbon with a gift tag that only has the child’s name.

I love the joy of it and FC still brings the same for adult DC too!

mistermagpie · 06/12/2021 14:16

@lorisparkle

We initially did not label the big gifts under the tree from us and let the dc think they were from Father Christmas however we then did change the story and said that just the stockings were from Father Christmas. The DC were not bothered by the change in story. I am afraid I can't remember how old they were but the oldest must have been at least 6 or 7 or even older!

We're going to have to do this I think. My children are 2, 4 and 6 and it's only the older two who really 'get' Santa so far, but the last few years we've just made out that all the gifts were from him. It's only been this year that I've realised that obviously other kids will get more (or less) than ours and that's going to be hard to explain. I tangled myself up trying to explain why we were giving toys to a toy drive at school etc when the kids asked why santa couldn't just give the 'less fortunate' children toys, so I need to get my story straight!!