consumerism

[Nopenevergoingtohappen]

My mum goes over the top at Christmas with gifts. As a single mum to two under 10 year olds I try to give them the best Christmas possible but I feel massive pressure to provide a lot of gifts, which I cannot afford.

The "what are you giving the kids? Last time they didn't get much" (they got soooooo much) I get a daily ream of messages about what she is getting them and offers to get stuff on my behalf. I know it is her love language, but buying lots of tat is not not the way i want my kids to associate love. Has anyone advice on how to put up boundaries without offending a well meaning Granny? We are spending Christmas with her and my dad and I already feel a sense of dread :-(

Time for a sit down chat with her. My parents gave one present per child and that was plenty, and I'm not suggesting she gives them one, but you can tell her that you are happy with the amount you give them and do not want to feel pressured or feel guilty about it, and are not willing to discuss further.

Thank you @maofteens. Good advice. I feel that the need to buy lots of stuff is expected, despite me being a single, low income parent. I'm 45 but still feel so childlike when it comes to my parents. My problem, not theirs I guess.

Definitely talk to her and perhaps spell out that if she wants to be generous, that is lovely and you're very grateful, but the money would be much better put into their savings accounts for when they are older, rather than buying a lot of toys that they might not want.

So she could buy them one present, plus perhaps a stocking filler type chocolates or whatever and then if she feels that she hasn't given them enough, put some money into savings or investment for them? A young adult would benefit far more with money for driving lessons/setting up home expenses than a childhood of a huge amount of toys that weren't really played with.

My parents are the same. Nothing I have tried so far has worked. 🤦‍♀️ we even tried giving her a list of 3-4 things to buy and still ended up with loads of random tat and the constant, ‘so what have you got them?’

Becsim I know!! The "what have you got them" drives me nuts!! The insinuation is that if they don't have an abundance of gifts then you obviously don't want to give them a great Christmas. It actually just makes the kids greedier for more each year.

But she’s your mum; can’t you just say I can’t afford to buy a lot?
Surely she knows you are a single parent and knows what job you do so will have some idea of your income?

Fairyliz Yes, she does know but something about Christmas brings out the worst in her. One year as a family, we did a secret Santa - the idea was to only have to buy one gift for whoever you chose in the draw, it was my mums idea. My brother did exactly that, gave one gift to my dad and as predicted later that day my mum is bitching behind his back about not getting anything from my brother. It is exhausting and I am dreading Christmas.

My MIL used to do a stocking for the grandkids (plus a main gift/money) and that was nice for them. Could you maybe move her this way, so it’s a compromise of sorts?