AIBU to go get more for DD than DS's?

[MerryMarigold]

I have DD 13, DS2 13 and DS1 16

A. There are so so many small things she likes and would enjoy as opposed to virtually nothing for the boys (other than expensive tech)
B. She is incredibly grateful for everything

I've already got her loads of little bits eg. Duvet cover (eBay), key ring, Xmas decoration, travel cup. DS2 has football boots. They were 60.00 which doesn't leave much for anything else (I usually spend around 70-90 per child). DS1 so far has football underlayer which is so not exciting.

I am stuck 😭. Any ideas?

There are two questions here.

Q1: Would it be unreasonable to spend your daughter's present budget on a whole load of little things rather than the one or two things your sons are getting?

A1: not at all. They're all old enough to realise that a second-hand duvet cover and a bauble aren't going to cost as much as fancy football boots. Just make sure you are sticking to similar budgets.

Q2: what the hell can I get my teenage boys?

A2: this is the tricky one. Ten years ago it was easy - DVD, CD, Wii game, USB stick padded out my kids' stockings. Nowadays they'd look at you weird.

Socks? T-shirt, body spray, chocolate...

Thank you! Yes budgets will be the same. Just that the boys will have nothing in their Santa stocking except fizzy drink and crisps, whilst DD has loads. Also she will have a nice main present (jumper from next which is 35.00) but then plenty of budget for little things.

As long as you've spent roughly the same on each child the amount of presents doesn't really matter. They're old enough to understand that.

As for what you can get the boys, this is what I've got for DS1 who is 13

Skateboard
Some sketch pads, pencils, alcohol markers and a how to draw anime book
New xbox controller
New headset for the xbox
Wireless ear phones
Cos play scarf from his favourite manga series
And I adopted a penguin (his favourite animal) for him.
Plus an oculus but that's a gift for the whole family, not just him as they're so expensive.

Xbox controller is an idea for DS1. Thanks. We don't get too much. 1 main present c. 50.00 and a stocking.

He also needs trainers. Everything costs so much!

Everything costs so much
I know! It's a nightmare.
You've just reminded me DS1 needs new trainers. Argh. But if I spend more on him I'll have to spend more on the little 2 to even it out. Bugger.

At first glance it appears the boys have stuff they need, but your daughter has stuff she wants. (Although I acknowledge that hobbies can get very expensive!)

I look at it as how the items are perceived, not necessary what they cost or the number. How will your sons feel?

I look at it as how the items are perceived, not necessary what they cost or the number. How will your sons feel

This. I always remember a quote which is that people don't remember what you said to them, but how you made them feel.

It doesn't actually matter whether you've spent the same on them - unless you have one who will tot up the costs, and then it does. What matters is that they all feel like they've been seen and treated and are valued by you.

I look at it as how the items are perceived, not necessary what they cost or the number. How will your sons feel?

Yes, this is the crux of the post. As I know I'll be spending the same amount. It's true currently boys are getting needs as the wants are things like a new PC monitor. It's really hard as my eldest is very into gifts and always perceives that others have got more even when they haven't. My younger Ds does not give a fig and he'll just be very happy with the football boots (which are nice ones, not the cheapest!).

No one will tot up (or be able to) costs. But what I can say, and always do, is that I have spent the same on everyone.

I just feel a bit miserable because I currently feel like DD will be happy temporarily but feel guilty she's got 'more'. DS2 will feel a bit nicer when he opens Santa stocking but ultimately not care once he has main present. DS1 will be miserable he didn't get a PC monitor, and even if I could find one after hours of searching eBay then there would no budget left over for 'extras' and he'd feel not loved as he got 'less'. He really is impossible to please.... But that's for another thread.

Should say DS2 will feel a bit miffed when he opens Santa stocking

I have exactly the same situation, it is so easy to get things that DD will like and so difficult to please DS.

Some other teenage boy ideas:
LED lights to stick round computer/room, esp with remote colour changer
Waffle maker/popcorn maker
Beanie hat with LED or with headphones
Bottle opener (I know you said 16 but he can plan..)
Origami kit?
little nanoblocks?
Chiller towel (see Amazon)
Phone case
Pack of cards
lip salve
toiletries

Thanks. Those are great ideas

what kind of monitor is your DS hoping for?

Could you wrap up some bits and bobs for the boys too? Chocolate? Books? Board games? Just to bulk up the numbers.

Can you lease with DSS mum to see what she is buying.

To me it seems a bit unfair that DD gets a budget of presents from parents and then DSS's will get double that effectively?

This is a tricky one and I don’t have an easy answer but I can suggest some small, cheaper ideas to pad out DS1&2’s stockings:

Triops
Collectible cards (Pokémon, fifa etc?)
POP/other figures of a fav character
LED strip lights for rooms/gaming
Small remote control cars
Small nerf guns (dd would need one too)
Small Lego / nanoblock kit

Also if there are any second-hand console or pc games you could add on. They don’t need to be AAA games, just something that’s fun for a bit over Christmas?

I think there’s no problem getting kids different amounts of items so long as the budget is similar, but it might be nice if DS had something fun to occupy them as well as the bits they need.

It sounds like they all have great gifts anyway though!

if you could stretch to £90 there's a few at Curry's

or keep scouring HUKD'

for example

@fernsandlilies

if you could stretch to £90 there's a few at Curry's

or keep scouring HUKD'

for example

Is the monitor the sort of thing you could get and explain it’s a joint birthday and Christmas present?

So he gets it for Christmas but has to understand he’ll get a slightly lower budget for his birthday?

These situations are tough. I think as long as you're spending around the same on each of them it's not unreasonable for them to have different amounts of presents. I would also have thought that at 16 your eldest should understand this.

@SpookyScarySkeletons

Can you lease with DSS mum to see what she is buying.

To me it seems a bit unfair that DD gets a budget of presents from parents and then DSS's will get double that effectively?

They are all my children so no one is getting more or less.

Thanks for the links. I hadn't heard of that website. Unfortunately he just had his birthday in mid Nov and needed a phone as his was broken so can't do a joint thing. He has a monitor but just wants 2 🙄. This kind of thing I just feel is greedy.

Why wouldn't you get your DS the same sorts of things? Key ring, duvet cover etc none of it seems particularly only suitable for a girl?

The stocking needs to the same size for all.

So add DD’s stocking bits to her main present up to to the tune of the £60 for the football boots, and put whatever is left in her stocking.

I have 3 kids - BBG same as you - I think visible fairness is important in families - so I always spend the same on their stockings and the same on the main presents.