Partners Mum driving me MENTAL!

[Purplelotuslover11]

Hi. I’ll just start by saying I don’t wish to come across as Scrooge/grinch etc as I do actually enjoy parts of Christmas (plus have a son in primary school so of course enjoy seeing it through his eyes!) However my partners mother is driving me bloody mental and has done for the past five years approx. EVERYDAY from end of October she speaks about Christmas and this will continue until the actual day (the irony of which is that she doesn’t even spend it with us she chooses to stay in her own home miles away..) The excess spending is off the charts all of which is on credit, she has no savings etc, she doesn’t seem to have an off switch when it comes to her grandkids (not my biological kids my partners) Of course my son is now indoctrinated in this as well. I’m estimated between 1000-1500 is spent on presents. Quite frankly I find this obscene and a bit sickening considering this is an OAP reliant on extortionate storecards etc. I’m finding myself getting more and more irritated and other than drinking gin every single bloody day and silently swearing into my pillow which believe me happens often what can I do?!?! It takes the joy out of Christmas so by the time we get there it’s overkill x 1000 Rant over!

Do you have to speak to her every day? What does your partner think? I only speak to my MIL very rarely - usually only when we see her - my DH talks to her the rest of the time, about once a week on the phone. And the same vice versa.

Do you feel a little overwhelmed by her generally?

How does she pay off the credit?

Ha I don’t have to speak to her everyday but he does. Do I avoid the phone when I see her name come up and I’m here alone …mmmm It’s all a bit bizarre really a grown man having to chat to his Mother everyday. And so incredibly tedious as well always about orders and what the kids would like next etc etc..

She’ll pay off the minimum per month or maybe slightly more when she can afford it. The most ludicrous aspect is that last year one of her utilities got cut off and my partner ended up paying it for her. All because of over excess at Xmas! He acknowledges she goes over the top and has attempted to tell her to stop but every year it’s the same, it’s just becoming a pain in the arse as I’m finding myself dreading it rather than looking forward to the lovely aspects of it all.

I think my plan is to be absent during the phone calls and focus on my son and I and doing nice things together and with his Nan and Grandad, friends have advised to let him and her get on with it

@Purplelotuslover11

I think my plan is to be absent during the phone calls and focus on my son and I and doing nice things together and with his Nan and Grandad, friends have advised to let him and her get on with it

I don’t to this but I know plenty of adults who speak to their mums everyday. I’m not sure why it’s “tedious”, unless they always talk for hours and interfere with your plans. Sounds to me like she’s filling a vacuum or buying her grandchildren’s love.

Maybe sell the things she buys your DC and keep the money in case she needs help.
It’s really sad she’s getting herself into that situation.

I would just find something to do in another room when he is on the phone. Preferably something like washing the dishes, watching tv, or even listening to something with earbuds in.

It is his mother so it is his decision how he wants to handle things. Depending on her age and mental clarity, sometimes it makes sense to play along a bit, but find a way to give the kids reasonable presents and put some money back in her account. In our family, I just have an agreement with the family member who helps great-grandma with her accounts that I will rip up the check GG sends me and buy the gift for dc myself. She doesn’t ask me to get anything crazy, but she can’t even afford what money she does send.

Next year you both need to say at the first mention that you aren’t thinking about Christmas until December.
And tell other half you don’t want the daily updates.
Let her crack on.

Just smile and nod.

It sounds as though she needs money advice from somewhere that does debt counselling.

Perhaps your OH could make an appointment and go with her?