Christmas

[Babbaboo]

Am I Being Unreasonaable?
So DH going to spend Xmas day & Boxing Day at home then go up to see His sister for rest of the holidays? I think he should come back or nye night. not for me but New Year’s Eve with us as a family. We have a DD age 7 & we had family plans. We offered DS to stay here & her cats stay at my parents or she stays at my parents with her cats. That’s the whole of Xmas he will be away. DS doesn’t want to come here due to her anxiety. Also I said to DH go up after Boxing Day but come back for New Year’s Eve but DH said no to that. Do you think I’m being unreasonable? They lost there mum in October but we had planned a family nye & it’s all over the Xmas period he will be away.. DS has anxiety but is not alone we have offered all sorts of solutions. DH has said I’m being selfish & is disgusted I am asking this. but I think it’s unreasonable to be away for the whole of the Xmas holidays. We had planned to have fireworks & play games etc on nye with our daughter. DS is 49. She does have mental health issues but will not accept she does & does not want to be helped. She is alone since mum died & DH goes to see her when he can.

I think he's spending the important days with you, Christmas Day and Boxing Day.

He just lost his mum last month - and his DS has mental health issues, I can understand them wanting to spend time over the festive period together especially having just lost their mum.

As a one off I wouldn't object to him doing this at all, it isn't your DDs first Christmas so it's not like he is missing out on a first Christmas, and it's his first Christmas without his mum.

Its the first year without their mum, if his sister is alone thats going to be exceptionally hard on her. 1 week he is away is not going to have an adverse effect on you or your dd. Play games on new years day evening or boxing day, there's no rule saying you can only do fireworks and games on NYE.

Can you do games over zoom or videocall if you wanted to do things together on new years eve.

My DH is often working on NYE so I've done it alone many times! Theres plenty of games you can do 2 player, we have many games as my youngest loves them!

Another option for entertainment, my dds love our old Nintendo wii for silliness. Our favourites are Just dance, super smash bros and Mario kart! You can pick one up for about £20 and the games are super cheap!

@nocutsnobuttsnococonuts

Its the first year without their mum, if his sister is alone thats going to be exceptionally hard on her. 1 week he is away is not going to have an adverse effect on you or your dd. Play games on new years day evening or boxing day, there's no rule saying you can only do fireworks and games on NYE.

Can you do games over zoom or videocall if you wanted to do things together on new years eve.

My DH is often working on NYE so I've done it alone many times! Theres plenty of games you can do 2 player, we have many games as my youngest loves them!

Another option for entertainment, my dds love our old Nintendo wii for silliness. Our favourites are Just dance, super smash bros and Mario kart! You can pick one up for about £20 and the games are super cheap!

Hey . Thank you. It caused a big argument & now I’ve had time to calm down after arguing I just wanted someone else point of view . I think it was more of the fact I had asked DS nicely if he could perhaps go up for the 4 days in-between & just come back for nye. She took big offence & it escalated from there.I can of course see his point he wants to be with her but I’ve always thought that’s what he would do as never said any different when we have talked plans before. I just feel a bit dictated too I think as she won’t get help for anxiety everything we do it’s always a flat no & so we have to work around it. Im aware that sounds selfish as anxiety is an illness. How can you help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. Over the years family have dropped away in part because of that as only so much you can do. It is now basically her & DH. Anyway thank you you have put it in perspective sometimes just gotta let it go! .

Could you two not go there? Have a little weekend of it somewhere different?
NYE is an odd one without the traditions of Christmas. It’s not that jolly, staying up too late, over indulging and remembering all those that won’t see a new year.
Frankly have a good think about what you’d really like. I used to invite a load kids for a big sleepover when I was a single mum. I had a nice time organising silly games with no hangover and the other parents got a night of freedom.