21 year old son doesn’t want anything !!!

[GoodnightGrandma]

He’s always hated doing me a list.
He’s away at Uni, and I’m sure he’d just appreciate the money but I want to get him a surprise he wouldn’t expect from his old mother, and some other things to open.
So, doesn’t need a phone, won’t have a new laptop, no alcohol, no dairy, no mini fridge/waffle maker/coffee machine.
For basics I’m thinking of a brand new out aftershave, and some clothes, but what ?

I would happily just give him money, but his dad won’t have it, he wants him to have a pile of presents like he’s 5 years old 🙄

My kids are the same, I’ve ordered personalised Nando sauces as stocking filler.

Yes to the airpods upgrade, might be some on black Friday and a restaurant voucher. Mine love a nando's and starbucks voucher!
Has he got a multi tool fold away thing?

My lad is 22 and never wants anything, and presents make him uncomfortable, so we give him money and a gift bag full of treat/junk food that we know he likes.

I don't think most 21 year olds want loads of surprises or 'fun'' gifts ... my DS is 20 and will just get cash and a few very small, foodie bits. I have recently cleared out his room & found most of the carefully chosen stocking filler type gifts from last Christmas, including a bottle of gin! Clearly unused and unwanted.

I'm seriously thinking of getting my son who has Asperger's a pension plan.

@GoodnightGrandma

He uses a rucksack a lot for Uni, gym and popping home, so if there’s a trendy must-have one I’d be interested to know. Starbucks card will be very useful to him. Hoody he will use, need a trendy ‘down with the kids’ brand. Socks and boxers I will do - are there any designer ones he’d like ? Herbs and spices will go down well, he cooks. Is there anything new in the cooking world ? I’ll also do toiletries in his stocking. He does want stuff, he just can’t be bothered doing a list ! Would it be worth upgrading his AirPods to the new ones ? His are plug in.

I'd go for a NICCE hoodie. All the kids that age wear them here. They have some good discounts on usually

Ours are hard to buy for particularly our daughter (22) who is still at home as she has quite bad CFS . Some of the things we are getting this year are new electric toothbrushes , rechargeable water flossers , duvet sets . I don’t give ours money as they don’t need it and would rather I didn’t .

@thenightsky probably the best gift you could ever get a child due to compound interest.

I'd go for ...

Nike Jordan rucksack
Air pods pro
North face aconcagua jacket
Hamper filled with his favourite snacks

Or a mixture of the above, depending on budget

@GoodnightGrandma

I would happily just give him money, but his dad won’t have it, he wants him to have a pile of presents like he’s 5 years old 🙄

Well his Dad needs to listen to what his adult son is saying, instead of forcing a 'pile' of unnecessary random objects on him.

Family secret Santa. Give the limit you can all afford, get one decent present rather than something that'll be wasted. The presents are for younger kids.

How about opening a crypto account for him? Someone you know - or someone on here - could advise of some good ones to invest in, and it will be a bit of fun for him to watch them (hopefully) increase. As long as he’s not the type to panic and withdraw it all at the first sign of a loss then he could earn some big bucks over the next few years with a bit of luck! Could make up some little gift boxes for each of the currencies and just stick £10 on a load of small ones, or £50 on a bigger one like Cardano or Etherium.

As in put a little note in a box to represent each currency so it looks a bit more interesting.

What's his style ? What is he studying ?
If sporty maybe Gym shark stuff? Or under armour

I see The north face is worn, but can be quite preppy and to me it's more commuter age not uni student age.

Does he have all streaming subscriptions he might enjoy? Maybe get him Prime if he's got Netflix, etc. Not a gift under the tree, though.

Or a quality suitcase to lug his stuff to university and back?

It is kind of annoying when you really don't want stuff, but others won't believe it, or think you're somehow bluffing, or that deep down you do, but you just don't realise it and you're in denial. Then all sorts of bizarre psychology comes into play. Their need to give something gets projected onto you somehow. You either have to pretend to be delighted with their gift and vindicate their whole denial theory and galvanise them for next year. Or be honestly underwhelmed and "ruin Christmas". Then you have to get all this crap back home and discreetly get it to the charity shop. And this is ignoring the financial misallocation of resources, the environmental damage, and the amount of energy the giver will be wasting! Frankly it's all absolutely exhausting, and why can't people accept that in a wealthy society with Amazon we mostly have the stuff we need!

Exactly Muriel.

I'm despairing at this thread and all the many many others there has been this year of the 'what can I buy for someone who says they don't want anything because they already have everything they need' variety.

And I'm especially baffled at all the 'buy them another one of the things they do have' and call it an upgrade suggestions. Just why? They already have one, are probably happy with it and it's likely it will work and serve its purpose for years to come.

Have none of you heard that there's a climate crisis going on significantly contributed to by over consumption of 'stuff'?

Or that some people don't have the disposable income to participate in all this buying for the sake of buying madness? Or the space to store extra stuff? Have none of you noticed the popularity of decluttering etc?

Or that many people are wanting to live simpler, cheaper lives that don't tie them to the 'work in a job you hate to buy stuff you don't want to impress people you don't like' treadmill or are FIRE devotees?

Buying things that people don't want is not a nice generous gesture. It's imposing guilt and despair on them. Guilt at the waste and despair at having to pretend to be grateful for something they don't want and that their nearest and dearest don't listen to them and respect their preferences.

DS likes whisky - so I have bought him a whisky advent calendar for his early Dec birthday. He also said he wanted nothing but I think he will like this. Also taking him and a friend out for dinner. I think he will be happy with this & a nice dinner with a friend will be a lovely evening.

@Floralnomad

Ours are hard to buy for particularly our daughter (22) who is still at home as she has quite bad CFS . Some of the things we are getting this year are new electric toothbrushes , rechargeable water flossers , duvet sets . I don’t give ours money as they don’t need it and would rather I didn’t .

The flosser, you’ve reminded me as I’d already thought of that, thanks ! Yes to the gym stuff, thanks. Thanks everyone, you’ve given me some ideas I know he’ll like and use.

I got my 37 year old son who is always saying don't get me anything and is impossible to shop for a pair of noise cancelling bluetooth headphones with inbuilt microphone as he works permanently from home, and inbuilt alexa.
I know he will be thrilled as his neighbours are really noise and he often finds it impossible to work in peace.
I would have thought that would be a great gif for a student.
I got these and I'm paying for them over 5 months interest free as they are quite expensive.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B07GDR2LYK/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o00_s00?th=1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8

We don't always "do" xmas any more from lack of interest but I got the distinct impression that this year it would be appreciated. I don't bother with a tree, decorations, gifts, special food or anything as a rule, it's just great to get 4 days off from the NHS.

If it’s about unwrapping things can you do multiple vouchers? So a £20 Amazon, £20 Starbucks, £20 nearest supermarket kinda thing.

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

I agree with not buying stuff for the sake of it, but even for young adult children it's great to find something which is not wasteful for them to open. You could make a stocking, with mundane things like deodorant and toothpaste, some goodies like nuts or Pringles, herbs / spices to use at uni if he's self catering; socks; boxers; a magazine that suits his I retests etc

Does he have stuff that needs upgrading like bath towels/dressing gown/bedding/rucksack?
Does he have a decent portable phone charger?
Cinema vouchers if he likes going, or restaurant chain vouchers. I am a bit nervous about vouchers in these uncertain times so would encourage him to use them up quickly

I still do this. My DS, young adults now, really appreciate it and refer to it as “random”! There’s always some socks ( yes they like nice special/wacky socks), chocolate, kiddies sweets, but then they get random interesting cooking ingredients and utensils ( they’re both keen cooks), random stationary or organisational bits, a book, random something for home ( they’re in rented so it’s something like a candle, plant pot etc)
I love searching out unusual but useful things. It doesn’t cost a fortune… And then I wrap each one separately to make the unwrapping bit last along time. They then send me their main present ideas, or I give them money towards something we’ve agreed..,either towards their holiday, or clothes in the sales etc. As long as they’ve got some stuff to open on the day I’m fine with giving the cash

Does he have a girlfriend? Test them both to a nice meal pit, just the two of them?

Under armour gym rucksack is brilliant

And experience like indoor sky diving?