Is anyone’s partner wanting another Covid style Christmas just the two of you?

[Friedbanana]

So last Christmas myself and my partner and dog spent Christmas alone due to Covid restrictions, we’d planned for it and it was a really lovely day, we had croissants for breakfast, walked our dog to the beach and made Christmas dinner together, made cocktails, played board games and watched a film. It was really really nice and my partner said it was the best Christmas he’s had. We live about an hour away from family (both our families live in the same place so usually I do two Christmas dinners at both our families and my partner just stays with his family.) we both have young neices and nephews so for me I love seeing them experience Christmas and also my grandma is very old and I know one of these Christmases will be her last! However my partner really wants to spend Christmas alone again. He says it’s fine that I go see my family and he’ll just stay with our dog at home, however that really won’t feel right to me!! Am I wrong to push that we have breakfast/beach at home in the morning and then I drive us both to our families and we spend 3-4 hours with our own families for dinner then I’ll drive us back for Christmas evening? I feel like this is a good compromise?! Also, his family suggested we do Christmas by ourselves and then visit them for a family Boxing Day however my mum is not so keen on me not being there for Christmas Day 😂

Has anyone else had similar disagreements with their partners/families and what have your solutions been?

His suggestion is you see your family and he stays home? And your suggestion is you see your family and he sees his?
Why would you insist on this? If he’s happy staying home alone, why try to push for him to see his family? It makes no difference to you where he is while you see your family.

You go to your family and let him decide for himself how he spends the day.

Sorry I hope I don’t come across really weird and controlling/co dependant haha I’m not!! I’ve obviously suggested we both go to my family but he doesn’t want to! I just feel weird me going off and him staying home alone? Both our families are an hours drive away so it makes sense for us to go together in the car? And if he saw his family he’d have a nice time and nice food etc!

Why don't you do your family xmas day and he stays home - as you both want that and Boxing Day either he does his family alone or you both go if that's what you want?

Or a compromise would be xmas day together at yours and then respective families alone Boxing Day?

Will you be devastated not to see the kids opening presents?
If you can cope with not seeing that, the best compromise is to do all the visiting on Boxing Day or at New Year, and have another lovely Xmas day.
Maybe do some video calling on Xmas Day?

Yes, you’re wrong to push him to see his family, if he doesn’t want to. He’s happy for you to go to yours - that’s enough.

My husband thought Covid Xmas was the best ever. If I made him go somewhere he didn’t want to go he would just sit in a corner and sulk.

Yes this is what I’m thinking, staying home Christmas Day and seeing my family on 23rd and Christmas Eve! Just my mum is being a bit weird about it! I feel like it’sa good compromise.. I’m not fussed about seeing children open their presents it’s just how excited they get about everything haha, but I guess Christmas Eve is a very nice day too!

I think it’s that I feel obligated to see my family now it’s not covid! So wondering if anyone else is still spending Christmas alone?

(Obviously covid hasn’t gone away.. hopefully you know what I mean!) aware I’m coming across like a very annoying person 😂

@mdh2020 so what have you decided to do this year?

Just because you would feel weird leaving him at home, doesn’t mean the perfect solution is for him to visit his family too. He doesn’t want to.
You want to visit your family, he wants to stay home. He’s happy for you to do your thing, let him do his.

And we always spend Xmas just us, the kids and dogs. We don’t want to drive or dress up or have to go along with what others want to do. We stay at home and please ourselves. I don’t feel obligated to anyone, I’d hate anyone to feel obligated to me.

And if he saw his family he’d have a nice time and nice food etc!

Yeah but it sounds like he thinks he’d have a nice time at home. So let him.

You can have a day with your partner, dog and cocktails and a film any weekend of the year! Christmas is about family, especially if there’s kids around.

I can’t imagine this. It doesn’t sound much of a partnership?

I’m a big fan of having Christmas at home, just me and DH, and although we’re doing a big family one this year, we’re both going to miss our day. I don’t think that Christmas is all about family. It might be for some people, and that’s great, but for others, it’s a something different, including not feeling obligated to spend it doing something you don’t really enjoy. What we both firmly agree on is that Christmas needs to be spent with the other.

Ultimately, your choice is whether you want to spend Christmas with your DP or with your family. Would your DP be up for a compromise? Spend Christmas Day at your parents and Boxing Day at his family this year on the basis that everyone understands that you won’t be going anywhere the following year (even if guilt tripped by your family)? Or you stay at home this year on the basis he understands that next year is a family thing? Or you see family Christmas Eve and Boxing day, (he can drive) but Christmas Day is at home? He may have loved last Christmas but he’s not going to have a repeat of that day if he’s at home and you’re not. And are you going to have a fun Christmas if you’re worrying about him sat at home on his own?

Me and DH always spend Christmas just the 2 of us as that's what we prefer so last year was no different for us. I think it depends if you really want to go to your family on Christmas day or you just feel you should.

Thanks everyone, we’ve decided I’ll go to my family then he can decide what he wants to do closer to the time 😊 I think we’ll try and cook a nice Christmas meal for the two of us another day, maybe Christmas Eve 😊

Could you have "your" Christmas Day on Boxing Day? Then you have a special day with your family and a special day together?

We really enjoyed covid Xmas with just the 3 of us. Plan is to have another one, but not necessarily on Xmas day.

Can you agree to see nieces/nephews/family on the day itself as you cant see the kids excited by the day any other day, then have your "covid Christmas" day another day?

Since dh and I have been living together having a significant day like Christmas day separately would have felt strange and somehow not right that we couldn't reach a compromise that suited us both together. It would feel we were either not compatible or one of us was not being considerate of the others needs.

Won't your family be offended or think it odd if he doesn't go with you to theirs on Xmas day but just stays at home?

He shouldn’t be pushed/ forced to do anything he doesn’t want. I used to get forced by ex to visit his family EVERY year and I hated it! ( I have no family here ) . Now it’s just me and my nuclear family we don’t go to anyone’s house and don’t invite anybody it’s much better