Does anyone have an 'only' rather grumpy older teen with them this Christmas?

[Pommelhorse]

If so, any tips on how to make Christmas good for them?

I love my teen to death but let's just say they are going through a "difficult" stage. Other parents of teens may recognise the grunts instead of conversation, the preoccupation with phone, the up and down moods.

They have lots of good aspects to their character too; but let's just say as parents we don't get to see a lot of that side of them atm . They reserve that for other people!

Last Christmas was a bit of a trial tbh, especially as we didn't have extended family with us. Looks like this year may be the same.

Teen very much insisted we did the whole traditional family Christmas for just the three of us but then sat there grumpy and monosyllabic for most of it. My heart broke for them and at the same time, having made the effort, I felt a bit put out too!

Any tips or ideas please? Should we change things up a bit?

Thank you for all of the latest replies.

There is some really good advice and some really good ideas here - I appreciate it all - thank you very much! Will definitely put many of them in to practice!

Just because they're grumpy doesn't mean they're not enjoying it!
This is do true

And thank you for that link Double3xposure! Will have a look at it after work.

@Dontcryformeallegra

How old?

A young 18

Thank you for the thread! Really useful ideas!

Go for an Icelandic Christmas? Everyong gives everyone else books & then you all read them quietly, in the same room. www.countryliving.com/life/a46204/jolabokaflod-iceland-christmas-reading-tradition/

He's 18,alcohol is your answer here

Oh this made me smile in solidarity! We have a 16 yr old who moans about lots of things but will not countenance any deviation from the 'traditions'!

The pp who say Teens hate everything but are the world's biggest traditionalists is completely right!

I think their worlds are changing so fast that immutable traditions sort of represent stability or security for them.

I suggested to our teen that we might go away for Christmas and it was met with genuine shock and horror!!!

We also have a request to cook the traditional dinner and put up the decorations etc despite the fact that every year she hassles and hassles to put up the tree and then throws a strop during it!

Alcohol is our friend for sure!

I think 18 is a little old for this sort of behaviour but I hear you wen you say 'young.' At the very least, it should be coming to an end in the next few years all being well

My youngest is 14, he will have just turned 15 for Christmas. And although he's lovely (err mostly!) he's very typical for his age. Up and down, would require surgery to remove his phone from his hand and can be monosyllabic depending on mood

I have some non negotiables . He will eat Xmas lunch/dinner with us (he does) and in the evening, he must spend 2 hours give or take, playing a game with us and his older sister. The rest of the time he is free to play Xbox and chat to friends

I don't think that's too arduous for him. And even though I'm positively ancient I can still vividly recall how I was as a teen - and I get it

So my advice is to just come up with a couple of things you expect as a minimum and then leave him to the rest

l dont impose anything on my two sons 16 and 20, yet we still have a lovely day. l think the less fuss you make the better. My attitude is l am determind to enjoy xmas come what may, and always do. They seem more willing to participate without me trying to encourage/ force it. l just keep the day as relaxed and calm as l can, l cant wait.

I think 18 is a little old for this sort of behaviour but I hear you wen you say 'young.' At the very least, it should be coming to an end in the next few years all being well

Believe me , things have improved massively since the summer. And I think a lot of teens of their age, especially "onlys", hve had ad a pretty rubbish time during lockdown and their last year of school, and it has set them back a bit. Just as they were gaining independence and autonomy, lots of doors were suddenly closed.

Will definitely ask for a minimum contribution and make that clear now and nearer the time.

That's good advice Moonface thank you.

I think their worlds are changing so fast that immutable traditions sort of represent stability or security for them.

Yes I think that's very true Uniballeye. My teen DD, who is not at this stage yet, is exhibiting classic signs of; "want to leave home/rather worried about leaving home* which just about sums up the teen condition I think.

OrinocoI thoroughly recommend Iceland too! We have a friend there so have visited several summers running.

Glad it helps HitchhikersGuide !

I thought of this thread as mine (17) asked tonight for a minimalist Xmas with no plastic tat so as to protect the environment. This includes stationery type items that I normally stick her in stocking. I've been told then. She wants a cinema card and cold hard cash basically. My tree will look very sad at this rate

I'm going with 'this too shall pass' attitude

I hear you OP.

Last year after the kids went to bed I sat down and cried. It was a shit Christmas from start to finish. My DD is ASD, so this plays a role too.

She spent the whole day complaining and picking fights with her siblings, expecting everything her own way.

This year, I’ve asked her to pick out her main present - actually putting it in the basket herself so. I’m also going to involve her in the planning of the day and in the prep work as much as possible.

I’m also going to start drinking early in the day and continue throughout. That was my mistake last year!

I agree that lots of our teenagers are ‘young’ and the restrictions have hit them hard. I work in a secondary school and we currently have a very high number of difficult teens. I’m blaming covid and hoping that it’ll pass!

@MissAmbrosia there's always chocolates, biscuits and toiletries you can wrap! Warm pyjamas / oodie also an option if they like that kind of thing (mine always welcome new pyjamas because we rarely buy them apart from at christmas).

I'd rather give cash to my teens than waste it on things no one needs.

They also asked for specific books so that'll be under the tree too.

That made me really aLittleL1fe but I would say if my teen was a ghost they would be the less discreet kind with full on rattling of chains and objects being thrown off the mantelpiece!

V interesting what you say about the effects of Covid on a high number of teens. Personally I think the fall out will be massive over time.

Sorry Christmas was so hard for you last year MazzleDazzle . I understand how your teen having ASD makes things harder for them, and for you. I hope that, armed with some preemptive strategies, and some decent gin that this year will be better for you. Joking apart, I hope you can ring fence a bit of time, on either side of Christmas maybe, when you can do something just for you that will give you a boost. Something to which you you can look forward. It's very hard when you are responsible for "facilitating happiness at Christmas" and not everyone is playing ball

Mine is insisting on "no tat" too MissAmbrosia. As it happens, we only do pjs at Christmas too. And my teen is very keen on cold hard cash this year. To them I think it doesn't represent the same thing as it does to us eg not an imaginative present. To teens having cash represents novelty, excitement and potential autonomy, for a bit anyway! And I think it's a good idea to replace "things" with "experiences" for teens. Not easy with Covid I know but alternative presents could possibly be: tickets to sports events, hair cuts, or beauty treatments, tickets to cultural events such as art exhibitions, trips to London, meals out to somewhere unusual etc.

You kind of have to work around a grumpy teen. or any other grumpy person, and try and make them a bit happier, if all that fails, just leave them be. No point getting upset about them being grumpy, Maybe give them a glass of vodka. to ease their pain, and make them merry.

I also think kids (including teens) pick up so much from our own mood, so I'm hoping that if I enjoy my Christmas, then they are more likely to enjoy it too. Our last Christmas wasn't good (mid-divorce) so in some ways it's easy for me imagine a better one this year. I will ask my kids if they want any visitors and if they don't we'll stay at home and will have a nice Christmas dinner, read books by the fireplace, watch movies and play video games - sometimes together, sometimes separately. I have a 2 week break from work around Christmas so I'm also hoping to make progress with writing a book (my hobby / side project). We do a 5k Christmas themed family run/race in December, but it's usually mid-December and not very close to actual Christmas.