If you do the "four things"..

[drspouse]

What have you done for "something you need"?
Previously I've done hobbies, things for bedrooms, and nice plates/cups but they don't need any of those this year!

Perfect! They keep nicking mine anyway. Now to find tiny sizes.

Can't you just buy them 4 things they want? It doesn't make much sense to buy something they don't actually want to fulfil a random poem.

I hate this 4 things business too. So pious and worthy.

@PollyWobbles

I hate this 4 things business too. So pious and worthy.

Glad I’m not the only one 😉

@DockOTheBay

Can't you just buy them 4 things they want? It doesn't make much sense to buy something they don't actually want to fulfil a random poem.

I wouldn't buy them something they hated or would not want to keep. But they won't ask for things that are useful and that they need, yet they are happy when they get them. So it works well for us.

I don’t see why it’s pious and worthy tbh

It a good guide I think and enables you to give a variation of presents.

I do socks, my kids are grown up but would be outraged if I stopped stockings. They always need socks and I know it’s something they hate spending their own money on. I do try and get some fun ones to make them more interesting.

DockOTheBay
Can't you just buy them 4 things they want? It doesn't make much sense to buy something they don't actually want to fulfil a random poem.

Do you really not understand that the ‘need’, ‘wear’ and ‘read’ can also be wanted things? They are not mutually exclusive. I feel like some people deliberately misunderstand. My DS is getting an oodie; this is both something he can wear AND something he wants. My DD is getting a basket of books; this is both something she has asked for AND something to read. We don’t buy things for our DC to fulfil a poem regardless of whether they will like it or not. The ‘need’ gift is often the best and longest-lasting present for my DC because it is often related to their hobbies or interests. Last year, my DS’s need gift was an electric guitar…he need it to take his guitar playing to the next level and to play more of the stuff he wanted to play. He plays it every day. I couldn’t even tell you what his ‘want’ gift was because it doesn’t get used anymore! A ‘need’ gift does not mean some dull, boring and practical gift that children are going to be crying over.

So technically anything can fit into one of the categories? Doesn’t this make it pretty pointless? Why not just buy 4 things without worrying about the read, need, want and wear thing?

We don't do the rhyme but we do limit the number of presents. Ds (3) has his birthday straight after Christmas so he usually gets maybe 3 items for each. This year we've bought a toy till, extension pack for his railway and a station, a clock for his wall, a set of books, and an alphabet puzzle. Then he'll have 1 present from Father Christmas as well. Honestly I couldn't think of anything else to get him anyway!

@Lovemusic33

I hate the “4 things” especially for kids, surely Christmas is about receiving things you want? I need a vacuum cleaner but would be very pissed off to receive one for Christmas 😬. Not everyone likes books and receiving clothes as a 5 year old is disappointing.

I know people want to reduce the amount bought and I’m all for only buying 4 gifts but they should all be things you want rather than things you need.

Obviously you need to know your recipient.

I've had a hoover for Christmas and I was over the moon. I've asked for a garden fork this year. I want/ed both.

And my DC love clothes as a gift. In fact, they really enjoy opening them. We bought DS a top hat when he was 5 and he refused to take it off for around 3 months. He's also loves new pants and socks!

Absolutely. It’s open to interpretation. At least it is for me. I’ve said previously the reason I like it is so that you get a good mix of presents rather than stuff that is all along the same lines ie. plastic tat, more plastic tat and how about some more plastic tat.

Ds is 13 his “something you need” is an Adidas rucksack. Definitely needs a new bag.

I do feel there’s a lack of imagination, or possibly understanding, on this thread.

I follow the 4 things for adults DCs, DM and DH too

I think it really depends what "need" means for everyone.

Any item my DD needs for school, hobby or basic clothing is not a gift, it's my duty as a parent to buy it for her. So a backpack for school is not something I would get her as a gift. Or any hobby related equipment she can't fulfill her hobby without.

Or socks even if the sock eating monster has been in the house again.

Need can be something non-practical. I think it is necessary to experience certain things like a trip to the theatre or visiting a landmark/major attraction/city. So "need" could be here a voucher, pass, ticket.

It may be different if the child in question is older, understands prices and the value of item. By then you could say the child needs a new bag but wants a specific designer one which would be more than what the average but equall fully practical bag would cost. With a teen you can talk and compromise. With a child still believing in Santa not.

I dont do it myself (I have no willpower to uphold it lol) but I like watching those kind of gift guide videos. Things I've seen that fit needs:

Toiletry/pampering stuff
Items for hobbies
Shoes
New coat
Bedroom decor/furniture/bedding sets
Stationery
Ruck sacks
New art supplies
Accessories for consoles e.g. gaming headphones, switch cases, fast chargers, skin covers for controllers
A membership or subscription - some kids like beauty boxes, or magazines for example, or a year pass to somewhere

This year for 6 year old probably ice skates as his are about 2 sizes too small.

(he does lessons we're not just buying equipment for every whim )

I’m another one who’s fairly liberal in how I interpret these.

Something you want - DS1 aged 16 is getting cash, DS2 aged 9 is getting a tablet with a digital drawing app and a stop motion animation app, DS3 aged 7 is getting a Maleficent doll.

Something you need - again these are nicer versions of normal things - pants, socks, smellies for DS1, stuff to go in the bath for all of them, and the younger two do kickboxing so they are getting a punchbag to practise with

Something to wear - they usually get nice clothes from FIL and SMIL

Something to read - they all get books

Something for family - a game we can all play together. This year it’s Poetry for Neanderthals

Something for fun - everything else!

I dunno, I provide my children with things they need, things they wear and things they read anyway as part of my responsibilities as a parent. I'd only consider the "want" to be a present and something over and above what I'd be buying them anyway.

As if parents who do the 4 things don’t provide throughout the year 🤣 for me it’s a way to prevent me buying clutter essentially. Stockings & 4 presents is more than enough and the rhyme is a prompt for ideas.

I dunno, I provide my children with things they need, things they wear and things they read anyway as part of my responsibilities as a parent

Gosh, really?? You see, I don’t. They just get one thing they need, wear and read per year and I pass it off as a Christmas present.

What a daft comment 🤣

@mrsm43s

I dunno, I provide my children with things they need, things they wear and things they read anyway as part of my responsibilities as a parent. I'd only consider the "want" to be a present and something over and above what I'd be buying them anyway.

I've raised children who have the good grace and gratitude to be pleased with gifts in myriad forms and not just expect Stuff They Want for Christmas.

Sorry, was that rude?

Look, there's no need to willfully misunderstand or denigrate the ways in which other people celebrate with their families. You're being deliberately obtuse if you can't stretch yourself to see the difference between buying basic clothes for example and getting them that vintage coat they don't need but absolutely love. You only have to spend a cursory few minutes on style and beauty to see the pleasure people derive from fashion or in a book group or fan forum to see how literature can represent sheer pleasure.

And I have a teen DD who adores new socks. And two DC who love nothing more than an anticipated new book shared with love which forms part of a lazy boxing day simply pleasing themselves. Do I buy books and take them to the library the other 51 weeks of the year? Of course I flipping do. I also eat food every day but that doesn't meant that on December 25th I don't share food as something special, joyous and steeped in tradition.

I’m hoping for a new bike pump.
I really need it!

I don't think it's overly pious if you don't treat it that way. Looking back on what I got as a kid they often fell into those categories. I'd usually get e.g. pyjamas, socks and pants (need), nice jumper or top (wear), some kind of toy (want), and definitely a book (read). I always looked forward to my new pyjamas and to this day love getting a book as a gift. Perhaps not every kid loves books but lots of them do, sometimes as much as toys.