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Christmas

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Original poster

What do you for for Christmas?

16 replies

rainbowbaby2 · 31/10/2021 10:47

What do you for Christmas if you have children and some family live far away?
Do they expect you to travel to them?
Would be interested to see what people do each year.
We will have a baby this year so happy to still travel away as she won't have a clue what's going on, but I can imagine once she's older we might want to stay at home. I can't imagine this would go down well with the in laws as they like to do a big family Christmas.
Would love to know what other people do/what your traditions are.

OP posts:
modernfemininity · 31/10/2021 12:09

As parents, our adult children come to us for Christmas. They, more than us, want to re-live their childhood Christmasses and be spoilt with home cooked food and the lack of adult responsibility.

Our friends and we have also experienced that adult children that are “In a Couple/or even Married!” spend Christmas separate to each other to be with their own parent! This has been out of their own choice and absolutely not from parental pressure. We find it a bit strange.

Maybe the parents would love an invitation to you for Christmas?

MoreAloneTime · 31/10/2021 12:13

I've always resisted any kind of rota or turn taking and we just take each year as it comes and do what makes sense.

modernfemininity · 31/10/2021 12:39

@MoreAloneTime This is what I want for our children. No obligation to rotate. Mother in Law ‘rotates’ about her children but it is funny how the other two offspring shirk it.

Avoid rotas if you can!

Nutrigrainygoodness · 31/10/2021 12:50

When dd was a baby until she was 8ish we rotated. One year at my mums and one year at GMILs with the whole extended family.
My mum lives 2 mins away- we could go up just before lunch after having a nice morning with presents and games at home.
GMIL lives over an hour away and we all had to be there for 9 (preferably half 8) to open presents. So we were getting to the point where dd had to leave unopened presents at home as we didn't have the time in the morning.
So I said no more about the same time GMIL said she didn't want to host anymore so that was handy 😂
We did a few years at my mums, friends would come to my mums for lunch too.
Then my uncle passed away and my mum wanted a completely different day so she went to her MILS (my nana) and me DW and DD stayed home and had the nicest Xmas day ever. So that's what we do now. 😀 Christmas day by ourselves is awesome.

Incywinceyspider · 31/10/2021 12:55

I have a 2 year old and another on the way. Before he was born I always travelled to my DM's (4 hours away) for christmas. DP is in the emergency services so quite often works over Christmas. His parents live 5 minutes away.

Personally, I want my DC to wake up in their own beds on christmas morning. I made this clear early on. Luckily my parents issued a similar edict to my grandparents when I was born so they didn't have a problem with it.

So what we do now is christmas just us at home, then boxing day with the in laws. We will travel to my DM for a few days at some point in December (date still to be agreed) and do the whole thing again there. I like doing it this way because DS's presents get spread over 3 days so he doesn't get overwhelmed

goose1964 · 31/10/2021 13:09

I travel to see my dad and friends one weekend in December, we also go to see my son and his family another weekend and my children who live closer come to us, shifts allowing, come to us for Christmas.

Charliebradbury · 31/10/2021 14:29

We used to alternate a year at home then a year at parents. We have now decided for the last 3 years since our youngest was born to spend Christmas at home and honestly it is great. So much less stressful. We visit for a weekend in December to see grandparents etc. It works well for us.

Stroan · 31/10/2021 14:55

We always said that as soon as we had our own children, we would stop travelling to family for Christmas. They have an open invite to come to us but our children wake up in their own home and have all day to relax and play with presents. They don't have to fit into anyone else's Christmas Day routine.

Both of us always spent Christmas in our own homes so it was just going back to that. My parents agree with our decision, plus they often have to work on Christmas day.

delilahbucket · 31/10/2021 15:10

We stay at home, the three of us. We have done for years. It got too much trying to work out whose house to go to when we both have split parents plus siblings and no one had space to host everyone, or some people didn't drive. It's so much easier. No time table, we have a lovely day at home with nothing to do but eat, drink, watch TV and play games. It's bliss!

Nc123 · 31/10/2021 15:31

Before we had kids we used to do Christmas separately - me with my family, him with his.

Once the kids were born we invited family to us - anyone who wanted to come could come and we’d find space. That worked for a few years but after a while people started to want to do their own thing. DM visits her friends on Christmas Eve and has Christmas dinner with them then. MIL likes to have Christmas Day alone and they both will come and visit for a few days during the holiday separately. My DB1 is going to his gf’s family this year and DB2 always spends it with his in laws as they live much nearer. We have a big group family FaceTime call on Christmas Day so that we can all see each other.

Yogity · 31/10/2021 15:36

We have a LO on the way and have said that from now on we will just spend Christmas day in our own house. DH family have been fine with this. My family have been really stroppy about it. The covid restrictions in my area would have allowed us to travel last year but we chose not to as I miscarried on 23 Dec. Even that resulted in a strop from DM Confused

I want DD future Christmas' to be at home waking up in her own bed and playing with toys/family time so I was keen to not set a precedent for travelling. I will admit last year was wonderful with just me and DH. Plenty of time to see family on Christmas Eve/Boxing Day

DiamondBright · 31/10/2021 15:55

I would also be very wary of setting expectations for the future, even a rota gets set in stone. I was stuck going to my in laws every year, I only managed to get a quiet Christmas at home after I was divorced and finally put my foot down. I can't tell you the joy of finally being to plan my own schedule and cook my own Christmas dinner. If it suits you to not have the hassle this year that's fine but I wouldn't get drawn into a conversation about future years, or I'd just say we'll probably stay home next year, let's discuss nearer the time.

If politics necessitate) I would do

Home, Inlaws, home, parents,home etc.
not
Home, Inlaws, parents home etc.

FireworkParrot · 31/10/2021 18:20

@Stroan

We always said that as soon as we had our own children, we would stop travelling to family for Christmas. They have an open invite to come to us but our children wake up in their own home and have all day to relax and play with presents. They don't have to fit into anyone else's Christmas Day routine.

Both of us always spent Christmas in our own homes so it was just going back to that. My parents agree with our decision, plus they often have to work on Christmas day.

We do the same. We used to travel to either my parents (4 hours away) or DH's family (1 hour away.) When we had DC from their very first Christmas we said we'd be staying at home on Christmas Day. The DC wake up, FC has come to our house to deliver their presents, we can just chill and they can play/we can do what we want. We usually see DH's family on Christmas Eve for a meal out somewhere between us and go to my parents between Christmas and New Year to stay for a few days so do a whole other Christmas again with a big meal and more present swapping. I actually love it because I think it spreads out the Christmas cheer, Christmas doesn't feel "over" by Boxing Day and the DC get a few different days of getting presents so spreads that out too.
ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 31/10/2021 18:46

My advice is decide what you want to do as a family unit. Don’t be pressured into suiting anyone else’s ideas or wants.

I have always refused to be pressured into the whole Christmas at various families. It’s me, DH and the DCs, if people want to visit that’s fine but we arnt going anywhere. We see people in the run up to Xmas. Some years we’ve made an exception and will travel on Boxing Day, but usually I’m done by 22/23rd after that it’s about staying home with our DCs have spending time together.

Also make sure you really do want to be dragging a baby around at Christmas.

Hayup · 31/10/2021 20:02

DH has no family to speak of and my family are a good 3hr drive away so Christmas is just DH, DD and me.

We've had my parents to stay for Christmas a couple of times, and have said that they are always very welcome but so far they haven't decided what they want to do this year.
which is a complete bloody pain to be honest

Our priority is making sure that DD has a lovely time, and although her grandparents will certainly add to that, our Christmas is very different to what they do - for example we don't do Christmas Dinner on Christmas Day, we don't dress up for Christmas Dinner when we do have it, we go out for a long walk after breakfast, we don't go to the cemetery to lay wreaths so it's very different to what they would prefer.

OP you do what makes your family happy, and enjoy it. The only people you need to please are yourselves and if you have guests for Christmas then they do your version of Christmas.

BrieAndChilli · 31/10/2021 20:05

We are another family that do not stick to a rota. We have done all sorts over the years and spent it wi various people - family or friends or just us.

Makes it easier as there is no ‘expecatation’ of where we should be.

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