im on the verge of falling out with my mum over about Xmas day!!!!.......its long!!

[biglips]

the arrangement was that me, dp and DD would spent Xmas day dinner at mums with her boyfriend and his dd, and his grandkids. (it made a lovely change as we usually stay at home for Xmas day).

Suddenly my Dp got a phone call last friday off his sister that she is splitting up with her new boyfriend of 6 months (they moved in together after they got a house that they was renting together) cos he was missing his kids and is moving in with her Dad in a 1 bed flat

She sounded so devastated (she is a very tough girl but this is not my SIL being herself) and sucidical as my Dp is concerned about her (she had been sucidical before many years ago).

(before she met her new BF, she had came out of a very rocky relationship for 17 yrs - got 2 teenagers - 11 and 15. They are getting brainwashed by their Dad saying mum doesnt love them etc and they arent talking to her. they are living with their Dad. All her friends were his friends so she is on her own)

Now Dps Dad turned up on our doorstep on Saturday night asking to lend money to him to pay his rent as he had been laid off last week and he may lose his flat.

Dps sister had asked us if she can come over on Xmas Day as she got nowhere to go. Their mum is married to a knobhead muslim and the other sister lives on the other side of the country.

Dp said yes without confirming it with me as he is very concerned about her and now maybe his Dad if he hadnt found a job by Xmas (hes a security guard).

Im fine with it as dont want them to spent a shit Xmas on their own with no money etc..
but its my mum having a go at me for being selfish and me changed my mind about Xmas Day dinner as we are now staying at home. She had invited Dp's Sister to come over but Dp said its not the best time to go over. She said that she doesnt want to be cooking for her bf 's dd and the kids cos we arent gonna be there!!.

Originally i said ill come over on Boxing Day....NO!!...so i said ill come over in the morning...NO!!....she wants us to leave Dp's sister and the Dad here at my house whilst we are having Xmas dinner with my mum. (my brother is possibly not going as he doesnt get on with mums bf and my mum hates her bf's DD....for gods sake!!)

Mum had just walked out and ranting on about it!!!

im fed up now!!

i wanna bury my head as this is the 3rd argument we've had!!

recorrection -

the new bf is missing his kids and dp's sister is moving in with her Dad in a 1 bed flat

can't you all go to one house? dp's sister, dad, your mum, her bf, all the kids? or would that not work?

Sounds like a royal pain to arrange though!

I think it's 6 of one and half a dozen of the other. I can see why your mum is disappointed but I can see your point of view too. I think you have to compromise and find some common ground - the obvious being you all go to your mums and you make sure you & DP offer to help practically and with the cost.

well she is happy to invite Dp's sister but not the Dad as its be too many people in her house.

Also mum's BF is about to become a grandad any day as his DD is due any day

I would just ask your mum how she would feel if it was her that was being walked out on by her DP. Would she feel like being trailed to somoene elses house on Christmas Day or would she expect you to be there for her? (as you and your kind DP are being for his sister)

Don't take any crap from her, this is not your fault and you are definitely not being selfish.

well i told her exactly that and also she split up for her bf last xmas and wasnt on her own as i invited her and my brother (my bro is single).

With that number of people would one more really make a difference? Explain to your mum you are putting the ball in her court: you feel you need to be supportive of DP's family at a difficult time but you want to honour your arrangement so please can they both come? if not, say you're sure she therefore should understand why you can't go and you have provided plenty of alternatives.

I would just ask your mum how she would feel if it was her that was being walked out on by her DP. Would she feel like being trailed to somoene elses house on Christmas Day or would she expect you to be there for her? (as you and your kind DP are being for his sister)

Don't take any crap from her, this is not your fault and you are definitely not being selfish.

sorry..don't know how that happened

gosh i feel bad now as this is the 1st Xmas day dinner without my mum.

Its either Xmas morning that we can go or after our Xmas day dinner (but unsure what time we need to pick up Dp's Dd...dp will need to sort it out tonite as its usually 7pm) or a whole day on Boxing Day