Managing awkward Christmas visit to relatives

[WildWombat]

Does anyone else have relatives it's expected that you must visit at Christmas, but it's a real headache to manage? There's a couple on DH's side whose house is an absolute hoarder disaster zone and for reasons of safety and hygiene we just cannot take the children there. It would be a nightmare. Any ideas on how we can get around the problem without offending them? They can't come to us for various logistical reasons. Wondering how the eff we're going to manage this! At least we had Covid to blame last year but this year they're definitely going to expect a visit. What do we doooo?

I'm guessing there's no option to tell them the truth? But totally get that because my MIL has a shit tip of a flat and we've not taken DS, nearly 2, in there once.
Could you go for a meal in a restaurant close to them so they don't have to go far?
Book up early and say you'd love to go out for a proper meal now that we can as the kids can be really fussy but they always love chips out!? Haha not my best idea but there you go 😁

Toss a coin or whoever's blood relative it is goes!!
Yabu to be worried about offending them. They aren't bothered about the reception you get..

You could all end up ill with vomitting bug?

Some other relly has imposed themselves on you for christmas and you cant get out of it?

Agree with pp - take them out for lunch.

Have they always been like this? How did you manage before Covid?

Call the fire service and environmental health about the state of their house-it’s a huge danger for other people.

Suggest you all meet to go for a xmas walk and you will bring hot chocolate and cake for all to share. Say kids want to look at lights/ decorations.

Or meet for a meal or a drink on boxing day

Can you say you've got Covid or a bug or say the kids have got a bug? It's awful to lie but that's what I'd do. If you're honest, you'll offend them and would damage the relationship. But on the other hand, you can't say you're ill every year!

Can you invite them round to yours? Say you're doing a special buffet or meal and that it's all planned. Invite them and some other relatives as a nice Christmas get together. Make it a tradition so you can do it every year.

Just say you are having a ‘Nude Christmas’ at home and are really looking forward to it, then change the subject. I’d doubt they will ask any questions.
I just made that up and now I think it’s the best idea I have ever had.

@3luckystars

Just say you are having a ‘Nude Christmas’ at home and are really looking forward to it, then change the subject. I’d doubt they will ask any questions. I just made that up and now I think it’s the best idea I have ever had.

That's a brilliant idea! It made me laugh

Go out for lunch and head straight home from venue.

@BluebelllsRosesDaffodills

Have they always been like this? How did you manage before Covid?

Call the fire service and environmental health about the state of their house-it’s a huge danger for other people.

They've got worse with age, DH says. When it was just DH and I we just sucked it up for a few hours (eating as little as possible!) Also when DS was breastfeeding, because he wasn't mobile or needing food. Then Covid happened. Now he's racing around and would be impossible to keep safe in a house full of so much random clutter. You can imagine what it would be like trying to keep a two year old from touching everything in sight!

I like the idea of meeting them out on neutral ground, but they're pretty reclusive (must be linked to the hoarding tendencies I think) so I doubt they'll go for that sadly.

They can expect all they want but they cannot make you go. If it's parents it's hard to say no, but anyone else just say you are not visiting this year. If it is parents just be honest and say it's too cramped for you all to go to the house, but you will meet them for lunch/dinner in a nearby pub or restaurant.

@3luckystars

Just say you are having a ‘Nude Christmas’ at home and are really looking forward to it, then change the subject. I’d doubt they will ask any questions. I just made that up and now I think it’s the best idea I have ever had.

Amazing idea!

Just dont go. I dont do anything I dont want now, lifes too short.

@Rainbowqueeen

Suggest you all meet to go for a xmas walk and you will bring hot chocolate and cake for all to share. Say kids want to look at lights/ decorations. Or meet for a meal or a drink on boxing day

The walk idea might work - great idea!

Explain that it’s time to start your own traditions and it’s important that the kids don’t have to spend Christmas getting dragged around town.

Setup a time to visit near Christmas in a way that you can do in a way where you can keep your kids safe, but hopefully the logistical issues are easier since it’s not Christmas Day.

Send DH by himself, if you aren't happy with DS going.

I think I'd suck it up for an hour. Go after lunch so you don't need food.
Yes, you'll have to follow dc around and it will hardly be fun but it's Christmas at it could mean the world to them to see you.