Father Christmas Question. open with care

9 replies

emkana · 06/12/2007 21:30

So dd1 (six) said to dh tonight "My classmates say FC doesn't exist - tell me the truth, I know you would never lie to me"

dh left the room under a pretext and by the time he got back she had forgotten about it.

So I guess this is it isn't it? We'll have to tell her when she asks again won't we?

Just hope she can keep the secret for dd2 (and ds eventually)

OP posts:

somersetmum · 06/12/2007 21:37

Where is she with religion?
ds asked me the same thing at the same age. I replied "Some people don't believe in God" to which he retorted "Well they're just silly" and that was the end of it. He's now nearly 10 and wavering between believing in FC and not.
We're not deeply religious, but the Catholic school he was going to at the time had convinced him.

whoops · 06/12/2007 21:40

ds is 6 and came out with the same thing a couple of weeks ago.
The school are having a Grotto this week and so I told him he didn't need to go as he didn't think he was real but he seems to have forgotten the conversation he had with dh where dh wouldn't lie to him () so he seems to be believing again

perpetualworrier · 06/12/2007 21:59

DS1 (6) asked me this evening "is FC real". Thinking on the hop (esp as DS2 4 was with us) I was quite pleased with "if you think he's real then he is"

DS2 said straight away I think he's real, but DS1 said he didn't. So I said well of course he only comes to people who think he's real and DS1 had a rapid change of heart. For some reason I didn't want to use the word believe - it seemed to imply some doubt?

I'm so sad to be faced with this so young. I thought I had at least another year or 2. Hopefully the he only comes thing will at least protect DS2 for a while. I remember pretending to believe until I was about 11, for this reason. (amazing how we parent like our parents).

melpomene · 06/12/2007 23:31

Why do children HAVE to believe in FC? Surely it's a good thing that they are developing critical/questioning faculties. It's still possible to have a wonderful exciting Christmas, and even enjoy the ritual of hanging stockings etc, without believing that FC is literally real. Surely FC can be enjoyed as a story, in the same way that a child can become enthusiastic and excited about a book or a show without having to believe that it is all absolutely true?

ivykaty44 · 06/12/2007 23:36

My dd is nine and I thought I had better break it to her gently - as I thought the children at school may tell her and it would upset her more.

So I just told her this year that he is really make believe - she doesn't believe me or is winding me up to make me believe that she doesn't believe me (she has always been a wind up merchant from the age of 4) So now I am totally confused cos she has told me if you don't beleive in FC then you will not get presents.

So is santa real? Someone please tell me

S1ur · 06/12/2007 23:38

Sorry emkana but if my dcs asks me this outright I'll fess up. But I might leave a loophole, something like, Well actually most grown ups beleive it is just a story and I don't believe its FC but then lots of people do choose to beleive in FC and that's ok too.

You can't just lie when they ask you to tell them the truth, how could you? Aw its sad when they're growing up isn't it?

stealthsquiggle · 06/12/2007 23:46

My DB (10 years my junior) confided in me when he was 6 that he didn't really believe in FC but didn't want to tell Mummy and Daddy in case he didn't get a stocking. Having a vested interest (I liked getting stockings too, even at 16) I agreed that this was a good approach

DS (5) is convinced that the FC he met in Lapland last year is the real one and all others are just helping him out by pretending. Long may it last!

jezzemx · 06/12/2007 23:56

Noooo you don't have to tell her, she is only 6.
You should be able to get a few more years of "Santa is watching you" If she misbehaves
She will eventually find out when she is older.
I think when they are about 3/4 they are quite confused about FC.
They get to 5+ and really go for the little traditional rituals(milk/whiskey for FC, carrot for Rudolph, listening for the bells on the sleigh etc)
It will be such a shame that she has her doubts confirmed at such a young age.
Just do what I do and lie (v little white christmas ones don't count, she'll thank you for it when she gets older)
My DD1 is 8 and friends have told her he doesn't exist. I tell her that they are talking rubbish (whether she believes me or not doesn't make much difference. We still go along with it)
x
Keep the magic alive

EmsMum · 07/12/2007 00:08

Somersetmums line would have worked the other way with my DD - she was quite adamant that there was no god before she wanted to stop believing in FC!

I think when she asked us the first time (after a Hindu friend had raised doubts) I asked her, well, what do you think? Do you want to believe it? - and at that stage she did. So that was that, till the next year when she'd come to her own conclusion. But she still enjoys the make-believe and wouldn't disillusion her still-credulous friends.

Just a thought... how about you preempt the next interrogation with a reading of the Polar Express, which implies that FC is only real for children (grownups can't hear the sleighbell).

Flip