Anyone's 9 year old not believe?

[TinselTime21]

Dsc has just turned 9 And seems on the fence about santa.
If they asked out right I don't know what we would say.
We don't know what their dm says on the matter (it's a no contact except health and school matters due to her abuse so she's not allowed contact)
We wouldn't want to go behind the dms back and say the opposite
On the other hand if we just said the truth if asked. And their dm didn't want that then the dm with tell dsc to deliberately tell our 3.5 Yr old.

I think plenty of 9yos don't believe. It certainly isn't an unusual age to atop believing.

I have 8 and 10 yo dds, and they both exist in a sort of half-belief. They have definitely been told by another dc they are close to that santander doesn't exist. I suspect, if it comes down to it, they know he doesn't. But they want to believe, particularly in the run up to Christmas.

I don't intend to make any big announcement about santa to them. I think they will just pick up that it is a game we are playing together.

I've just reread your post - does your dss see his dm? Or are they no contact due to abuse?

If you are the only parents currently involved then I'd go with your instincts. He he still sees his dm then I'd probably be a bit neutral about the whole thing. When the topic of santa comes up here I tend to say "People think different things."

I don’t think many 9 yo s really believe, they just go along with it to please their parents and ensure they get some presents!
If they ask it would be unkind to actually lie, but you can make it still magical by them being part of the ‘secret’ for younger dcs. My dcs found out by overhearing a woman in a shop saying to herself “I’ll get these for the stockings ooops” then they goggled! And then carried as if nothing had changed!

Santander doesn’t exist!! I must have been to some sort of fake imagining of what it would be like. Explains my slight feeling of disappointment.

Do you think he still wants to believe?

I say that because when coming up to 9 my dd1 told me in very matter of fact tones that she knew FC was me and daddy, so I might as well admit it. So I did.

When she was in her early 20s she told me she’d been dying for me to deny it, so she could go on believing a little longer! So if I’d only realised that, I’d have said something like, ‘Well, I’m not sure he’ll still come if you don’t believe in him any more.’ *

Of course I had told her that she absolutely must not spoil it for dd2 or any other child who still believed, so I’d def. tell him that, if you feel obliged to come clean.

*he still came, of course, as long as she was at home on the 24th, regardless of age!

Following as I have a 6yo who def believes and an 8yo who is questioning. Mostly because last year he downloaded a batch of santa tracking apps and they all showed him in different places.

One of mine asked me outright at 8 ( after 2 year's of sitting on the fence), one is now 7 and seems to believe still, the older one hasn't ruined it by knowing. If anything it's made us closer and part of the magic.

You can say things like ‘he might not come if he hears that’ in an overacting wink wink sort of way.

Last September my then 9yo was very questioning. By Christmas she firmly believed again.

All we said in September was not to talk about in front of her younger sister.

Sorry yes lives with the dm. But she's not allowed to contact us due to her abuse for 5 years ending up in court. She's only allowed to contact for health and school.

Thank you. Dh said to say we'll if you don't belive then we will have to fill your stocking. The dm is very spiteful so is likely to tell dcs 'to purposely tell our dcs'
It's so hard.

I think as many others have said my 9yo DD is in half-belief. Starting to suspect but still wanting to believe. I will keep the magic going as long as she enjoys it! My DS is 14 and he never asked about FC or told me he doesn't believe it was just a gradual thing. Sort of he knew that I knew and I knew that he knew but we never really spoke about it! He happily plays along at Christmas!

I think your plan of what to say sounds perfect.

My DD is 8, nearly nine and has been questioning since she was 3 and noticed that Santa had used the same wrapping paper that she had seen me buying 🤦🏽‍♀️

Last year she asked me outright about the Easter Bunny being fake, in a very matter of fact 'I already know' way. So I said it was me and DH and she was totally shocked and quite upset. She hasn't mentioned it since and still plays along.

I felt awful afterwards, because she obviously wanted to believe it really. Same with be the Tooth Fairy.

It's a mine field.

My 10 year old hasn't believed for years. He now just says yeah Yeah, I know if I say I don't believe you'll say but what if he is and won't come now.

I still haven't told my 26 and 18 year old though

Santa is just like the post man in this house though. He doesn't actually buy the presents. He just drops them off

I would say the majority of 9 year olds don't really believe, they're just going along with it.

Just say lots of people believe different things but in this house we believe in Father Christmas and it’s importance not to say you don’t believe in him to younger children as it will ruin the magic of Christmas for them. Thank you.

My 10yr old firmly believes. It's surprising because he's very logical in many ways. He is absolutely scathing about the teachings of his CofE school and firmly atheist. But he does believe in FC. Not in a pretend to believe, hope it is true way. He does believe. I do worry a little bit about how he'll feel when he finds out because he's always loved the magic of Christmas so I've happily invested in it in the form of a dropped button on the hearth, a sleigh bell in the fire ash and so on. He cites these events as proof and writes lovely letter to FC with conviction in his existence.

He is one of only two children on his class who still believes afaik. Apparently the non believers have their stockings filled by parents.

I just asked my 9 year old. What do you think about Father Christmas. She said what do you mean. I said who is Father Christmas. A person ( she said with a smile). So I asked and who is that person. She said Mummy. I said that’s cool but who do you think Father Christmas is to your little brother. Oh definitely Father Christmas in the North Pole and laughed.

I then asked her how long she had known mummy didn’t it and she said dunno years. I asked her if remembered when she first realised. She said no. Then I asked if she was annoyed we’d lied to her and she said no you were doing it as it’s special and makes it fun. I won’t tell (little brother)

I don’t think many 9 yo s really believe, they just go along with it to please their parents and ensure they get some presents!
I agree completely. As kids that age we used to joke about pretending to believe to make our parents happy!

If you don't believe, you don't receive! Usually shuts them up haha

@CrotchetyQuaver

If you don't believe, you don't receive! Usually shuts them up haha

Great strategy if you want to teach your kids to lie to you.

My DCs never believed in FC - ever. We didn't bring them up that way.

My son is nearly 9 and I know that he doesn't fully believe, but he still plays along. He was told a couple of years ago by a boy in his class, and at the time, I just said that Santa is real to everyone who believes.