Christmas Presents but no other contact

[BluebellsRock]

I'm hoping the Christmas Elves on here can help. Someone I used to consider a friend but has now dropped to occasional coffee status brought round a bag of gifts for the whole family. Last I saw her October/early November we agreed to do no presents as the kids are all at University/College.

Then I bumped into her in town beginning of December with my DD who is a bit younger than the others - very awkward meeting and seemed strained. Usual Christmas when are you working, what are you doing for the big day type chat. Fast forward to Christmas Eve and when I got home from work a bag of presents had been dropped off. We opened them yesterday and they are individual, lovely gifts rather than sweets/biscuits/hand wash generic ones you might send to old but no longer current friends. Obviously I messaged to acknowledge delivery as I wasn't in. I haven't reciprocated - in fact as she recently moved to a new home with new partner I haven't even got an address for her. I asked last time I saw her she said she would message me with contact details. I messaged to request address again but nothing. What do I do? Thinking about it overnight I concluded she dropped off gifts when she knew I wouldn't be in to avoid seeing me. Can I really ask a third time for her new address so I can at least send a thank you card?

If she hasn't responded twice, then I think you need to accept that she doesn't want to give you her address right now, possibly for reasons that have nothing to do with you or your friendship.

Maybe you could suggest meeting up (once able to do so) - perhaps she really wants to rekindle the friendship and she thought the gifts would be the best way to do it?

What do you know about the new partner? Sounds like maybe she has things happening in her life that you don’t know about which may be affecting her behaviour.

@FigDate - I have only met him once on one of the occasions we met . He dropped her off because her car was needing a part he stayed for a short time to chat, ordered us coffee and then left us to it.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation - that is what I think but I don't want to offend her following her obvious kindness. It has been quite difficult to get her to meet. Doesn't reply to suggestions I've made and mostly her replies if made are very short/polite. Hence my surprise at the gifts. I think you are right and I leave her to get on with it.

Covid Christmas plus whatever she has going on isn't easy to work out. I'm finding that people I expected to be quite chilled about things are anything but and those I would usually expect to be more anxious are not. In this regard the friend I mention here and another friend of mine have almost completely changed behaviour with each other!

I'd leave any further contact to her.

If you do bump into her, or if she does get in touch then don't press her for meetings, visits, her address etc.. Keep it all very light and breezy.

It's clear she's distancing herself from you and I suspect that the gifts are to assuage her guilt at doing so.