How many is too many for Christmas dinner?

[Mommabear20]

This is for in the future, not during covid!

DH and I are hoping to buy our first family home this year and now we have our DD (6 months old) and are excitedly expecting our second baby next summer.

Yesterday was the first year we stayed home by ourselves for Christmas Day as we have always been to his parents in previous years, and as much as I loved yesterday with just our daughter, we missed the craziness of being around family and have decided when we move (because our current house is tiny so simply not big enough for more than 2 guests), we want to invite our families over for Christmas dinner, however he says just parents (5 as my parents are separated and 1 has remarried), but I'd love to invite parents, siblings and partners and kids, which would total 17 people. Is that too many?
YABU - 17 people is way too many!
YANBU - 17 people sounds good!

YABU - just parents is fine but if you're doing all the work and don't mind then I don't see why you can have as many as you want. Perhaps your DH doesn't want to work that hard.

I still feel we make this day too much about food and gifts than about being with family. Why can’t we get together with as many people as we can without putting the burden of hosting and work on on person? Every family makes one food or two, brings drinks, paper plates and stuff and ready to party! Each to their own but I would much rather do that (have done it and found it far superior) than have one household take the most burden of work and all the headache.

17 sounds a lot for a sit down Christmas dinner, unless you have an industrial sized kitchen.

We normally have around that number after Christmas one day, but do buffet style food so easier to manage.

17 sounds good! When we do a big Christmas with all the family (20 of us) we do delegate some of the food so each family will bring something pre prepared ready to go in the oven which saves on some of the work. It's great having a house full on Christmas day though!

We usually have 15. You just have to plan it well! It was, however, so much nicer yesterday with just the 5 of us and I won’t be rushing back to hosting next year if I can avoid it!

I’ve grown up in a family where up to 20 people was the norm for years. So a big Christmas is what I’m used to and I love it. But it is expensive, and quite hard work if you’re hosting. And you really need to be a team on it. If your DH doesn’t want to, I wouldn’t.

Too many.

The one year we did this we used the local scout hut because we couldn't all fit in one house comfortably.

Sounds awful for me and I wouldn't attend, but if you get to that point and have space, invite whomever you like.

Plus you need a massive dining table/space and more chairs than the average house has!

Presumably you both have siblings? Will both sides of the family even want to spend the day with each other?

We had 15 for our best ever Christmas. I wouldn’t want more than about that though (17 would still be fine) because it still felt quite intimate.

I'd be the one preparing and cooking (with the help of my dad) as while DH would help if asked, it's not really his thing and would probably get in the way 😂

I used to host 14 every year. It’s not too bad if you delegate jobs. Dad would cook the turkey, so everything else would fit in my two ovens. He and Mum would also bring their table and chairs to push up to ours. My brother and sister would bring cheeses and pudding.

It was nice!

We usually have 12 for Christmas dinner, always at our house as we have the most space and easy parking for cars.
This year it was just us 4 and mil and I enjoyed it so much more. Much more relaxed. Interestingly it was only myself and mil who felt this way and those who don't do any of the work but just sit back and enjoy the festivities missed the big crowd.
Every one is already all talk of next years big Christmas on the family WhatsApp group.

We usually have 15 and I love it. So 17 sounds just about doable!

It can be done!, I have catered for those numbers regularly at xmas. If you have space then it's fine providing you are organised. Part of our routine over the years is that certain people do certain jobs and we all pitch in. Canapes for starters. Easy and usually bought by brother and wife. Their kids hand them round. Drinks on the side and FIL makes sure everyone kept topped up. Mil always cooks a ham and brings it. Niece always brings dessert and plates it up.Youngest niece and nephew love being in charge of putting crackers and napkins on the table. That way you can enjoy the day to and we find people genuinly like to feel useful. Start as you mean to go on and have a fun enjoyable day. Yes over the years, there will be spillages and breakages but if people see you are relaxed they will be too, and hopefully have wonderful memories of christmas at your house.

@Mommabear20

I'd be the one preparing and cooking (with the help of my dad) as while DH would help if asked, it's not really his thing and would probably get in the way 😂

It’s not just the cooking, though. It’s the planning and prep, the fact you’re going to be occupied with that so asking your DP to do much more of the day-to-day looking after kids etc, cleaning & tidying & hosting duties while you’re in the kitchen. You need to both be happy to host a crowd.

I agree that mixing sides of the family might not work. I can’t imagine wanting to spend Christmas Day with my BILs siblings! Are they friendly IRL?
I would perhaps alternate - your parents and sibling one year then the other set the next.

My in laws always have big christmases (obviously not this year) the record was 24 for dinner. It’s always amazing and so much fun but they have a big house and crucially, enough space in their dining room to comfortably sit that many people. If you have the space and inclination go for it.

With 2 under 2 I honestly wouldn't consider it for a few years!

My dm used to do 20. It was exhausting.

The most I've catered for is 14 which was fine as a one off. But not every year unless the cook genuinely enjoys it and has the time.

I've had 18 for Xmas before but my house is big enough.

If you don't have room then adjust accordingly.

I grew up with this sort of entertaining. Both as host family and as guest families, childhood and adulthood. What was clear was that this only worked and was fun for all if the hosting was not down to one person. Either every member of the family/lots of friends mucked in, or staff were employed. And those who mucked in needed to be the types who needed very little direction - knew where things were, for example, or could load/unload the dishwasher between courses without being asked. When it worked, it worked brilliantly, partly because my parents' circle of friends knew each other very well and had been doing this for years.

Where there was space, we would usually sit down all together. But where there wasn't, generally children would eat in another room or at an earlier sitting, generally eating the same food. Unless space was really tight, children generally got to choose whether they ate with the children or with the adults. With separate sittings I don't remember ever choosing to eat with the adults until I was about 12 - kids' table was usually great fun, and only supervised by teens if necessary.

A few years ago, in a house much smaller than my parents', we had 16 to dinner one night. By shifting furniture, borrowing chairs, and putting boards across tables, e managed to seat 15 at one table. This wasn't a problem because no16 was a toddler who didn't like sitting still and was more than happy to be passed from person to person while at the table. It was utter, joyful chaos. Down one side were sat people with strong bladders or the ability to crawl under the table. Children came and went as they wished. I've got a lovely photo of 5 children from 3 families asleep the sofa leaning on each others' shoulders in size order.

It was important to us, when choosing our home and our furniture, that we should be able to host family. So, while our house isn't massive, tables can be extended, furniture can be rearranged, sofabeds extended and airbeds inflated.

Yes depends very much on the people and the house size and set up. A laidback helpful group of people in a nice big house with plenty of room and good facilities I would be happy to have 17, but be realistic. A lot of families have a few awkward people and squashing them in uncomfortably while you end up slaving in the kitchen and hoping it goes well is not the best plan.