Help! Friend's parents died - first Christmas

[sararh]

Hi all, my friend lost both her parents this year. She's in her thirties and has a young family.

I want to send her a message tomorrow wishing her a merry christmas and letting her know I'm thinking about her as it's her first Christmas without her parents and must be so hard, but I keep thinking what if she's having a great time with her babies and then beep beep here comes a badly worded text from me reminding her that her parents are dead.

On the other hand, if I only say 'thinking of you, merry christmas (etc) xxx', it kind of doesn't acknowledge what she's going through?

But then what if she's actually fine until receiving the text!?

I'm totally overthinking this but I'm rubbish at this sort of thing and usually put my foot in it.

Anyone got any suggestions of what I should put in the text?

Its nice that you are thinking about sending a message and saying something badly is better than not saying anything at all. I would put money on her not being OK and certainly it won't be your message that reminds her of her awful year. Depending on your relationship you could go for something like "just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and I'm here if you want to chat. I hope you and the children can have a good time"

I put a brave face on but felt crushed inside, my FIL made reference to absent relatives which was nice. I cried in the shower so I didn't toast my kids.
A test would be nice I think, but be careful how you phrase it, make it light abd uplifting if possible

I sent two of these today. I said I hoped they had a good Xmas but that I expected it would be extra emotional this year.

I would definitely mention her parents. She will be thinking of them and it would be hurtful not to acknowledge their absence.

I'm sure she will appreciate you messaging her, regardless of what you say and how you say it.

I am losing my mum to cancer (she was taken in by ambulance to hospital again today so won't be with us over Christmas), the most meaningful messages for me have been 'I'm thinking about you' and 'I know this is a hard but...'

Your friend's first Christmas without both parents is bound to be painful, you are being sensitive and compassionate in acknowledging that.

I think it’s a lovely idea.

I’m in exactly the same position as your friend and I’ve truly appreciated every single person who’s acknowledged how hard it is for me this year (and have been a bit disappointed in those who haven’t, tbh).

Something along the lines of ‘I’m thinking of you today, I know this must be a difficult Christmas for you. Looking forward to catching up afterwards’

As someone who lost a parent recently, I'd definitely recommend getting in touch. Some people didnt and that hurt. A short text message. "Thinking of you always. Hope you are doing ok. I'm here for you if you need me x"

When you lose a parent you never forget about them and therefore someone messaging doesn't suddenly remind you they aren't here. For me receiving a message, (however it is worded!) from someone letting me know they are thinking of me is so lovely and means so much.

The first Christmas after my son died I only received one Ho Ho Ho type card that said 'Merry Christmas' It went straight into the bin Utterly crass sentiments to send to a recently braved person.
The other 99% sent cards and messages along the lines of

Thinking of you and remembering dear xxx.
May you have as peaceful a Christmas as possible

As somebody in the exact same position as your friend (both my parents also died this year), I would say send a message. She will be feeling lost today and a simple "thinking of you today" will go a long way. Not only am I having my first Christmas without my mum and dad, it's also my birthday today, and the messages I have received from friend on my SM this morning has given me huge comfort knowing that I've not been forgotten. Trust me, whatever you send it will not make her feel anymore upset than she will be already, but it might make the day a little more bareable.

Friends, not friend....I have more than 1.

A phone call might be easier then you can read her mood.

I'm in the same position but prefer a "normal" Christmas greeting. But that's me. I appreciate people are all different and only you know your friend. Every time I open a message or card I think "phew thank goodness they didn't mention..."
It's very kind of you

@trappedsincesundaymorn

As somebody in the exact same position as your friend (both my parents also died this year), I would say send a message. She will be feeling lost today and a simple "thinking of you today" will go a long way. Not only am I having my first Christmas without my mum and dad, it's also my birthday today, and the messages I have received from friend on my SM this morning has given me huge comfort knowing that I've not been forgotten. Trust me, whatever you send it will not make her feel anymore upset than she will be already, but it might make the day a little more bareable.

Hope you have a peaceful birthday

TheSilentStars
Thank you.