Does anyone else not feel festive or Christmassy at all. Im so down right now

[LTAS]

I feel so sad about christmas and I know I'm being silly probably but I don't feel festive or happy about this year at all as I'm sure many others do.

1- I've had a big argument with a family member who's been an absolute arse about it. But now has made me feel stupidly guilty for overeacting and being rude about the situation.
2- were isolating over christmas due to positive case so can't even get out for a walk.
3- plans we had to very briefly see family members have had to be cancelled
4- we lost a family member to covid only a few weeks ago
5- the world is crap right now and I just feel so sad about it all and when will life go back to somewhat normality
6- because of isolating and being in hospital only a few weeks ago for my son I don't feel I've got no where near enough presents for my 6 and 4 year old.

I got to get out of this gloom and doom mood. But I just don't know how to

I have none of your problems but I still don't feel festive. Most of the fun stuff we normally do in the week before Christmas is cancelled and I do not want to take the dc Christmas shopping as it is too busy out there.

Not every Christmas has to be the best one ever.

Most people are not at their best right now, let the dust settle with your family member. It will be resolved.

Your dc will enjoy spending time with you alone on Xmas day. They will have no distractions from their gifts. You will see that the pressure to pile up gifts comes from marketing companies and Facebook. Just a couple of gifts are enough.

The world is always rubbish, there is evil and sadness in this world every day of every century. All we can do is to be kind individually.

Have the best Christmas you can, it is just another day, it does not have to be the best day of the year, just a day off work.

Everything is upside down this year so it may be time to take the pressure off. Seriously - narrow your expectations to being a slob on the sofa and being nice to the children. Much more than that we cannot do this year! :)

I had a trip booked to visit family who I haven't seen since last year (all UK but we live some hours apart). That's been cancelled. I've got no decorations up and I've put my Christmas cards straight in the bin. I shall spend Friday alone. Sod Christmas.

There is no fun or connection with others this Christmas so nothing to celebrate as far as I can see. I'd pack all the decorations away and forget it all but I have kids so we will soldier on for them. I find it helpful to consider that Christmas is cancelled as given what I enjoy about it, it pretty much is. Then I expect nothing and will not find then nothing it offers disappointing.

I was feeling really Christmassy in November. I was watching Xmas films on the couch under my fleecy blanket, drinking hot chocolate. I had the outside lights put up early to bring some sparkle into the grey days.
Now, I hate it. Spending a fortune on gifts the kids probably don’t want, just so they have a pile of presents.
Reminders of the times I had as a child but that’s all gone - wishing I could go back and appreciate that time and the people more.
It is an upsetting time for some of us so be kind to yourself. Have a cry then treat yourself to a special drink and/or something to eat, and remember that it will soon be over.

Sweetheart - with that list it is no wonder you are not in a happy place.

I am sorry for your loss - it is difficult at the best of times. Without get togethers provided by funerals it is so much harder. There is no trigger for grief or mutual support. Don't try to hold your grief in - call Samaritans or other services in your area if you need to.

Your children aren't going to miss the presents they never knew they were going to get. I was talking to my 2 about a period when we couldn't really afford presents for ours and they were surprised. They remember that period as being a time when we were always with them - talking to them, watching DVDs together, playing stupid games and generally having time for them. The both class that time the happiest in their childhoods.

With the arse of a relative I would do one of 2 things either ignore totally or if that is not possible next time they bring it up say something along the lines of " yes I heard you, have you anything new to add or are you continuing to bring this up to make yourself feel good by making me feel bad because now is not the time." After that you can ignore - I picture a fly buzzing at the window.

You can't change what the world will be. When you get intrusive what if thoughts, acknowledge them and work out if you can do anything about them or not. Mostly all you can do is change your reaction to them - if so make a mental plan for IF it happens and then move on. Sometimes there is nothing you can do do just let the thought go.... easy to say I know. It has taken me best part of 30 years to get to that point.... but you can start and the more you practice the better you get.

ps - I hope you and your son are well. xxx

No.
I'm exhausted. My teen dc's are being horrible and won't lift a finger. I'll use the time off work to tidy up. I can't even watch much tv due to their arguments. We're not usually here all Xmas, we're usually someone much nicer. Going to have to get through it somehow.

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. It's no wonder you feel low. You don't have to feel amazing. This year will be one of the toughest Christmases since the war for a lot of people. You have every right to feel down.

At least there's no big entertaining to do. Allow yourself to scale down your expectations. If you have DC, go through the motions of celebrating with them because you'll feel better in yourself that you did that for them (a few decorations, Christmas films, tin of sweets, stocking etc.) But apart from that, take it easy.

Maybe contact the family member you fell out with and say: 'I feel so sad we fell out. This is such a bad, stressful time for us all and I was feeling very emotional. I want you to know I love you.' If they are a nice person, they'll forgive and forget immediately after that.

Think of a couple of things you can easily do that can help get you through - short walks in nature, escapist novels, long baths, reruns of comedies and feelgood films.

This time will pass. We don't know when, but it will.

@Labobo

I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. It's no wonder you feel low. You don't have to feel amazing. This year will be one of the toughest Christmases since the war for a lot of people. You have every right to feel down.

At least there's no big entertaining to do. Allow yourself to scale down your expectations. If you have DC, go through the motions of celebrating with them because you'll feel better in yourself that you did that for them (a few decorations, Christmas films, tin of sweets, stocking etc.) But apart from that, take it easy.

Maybe contact the family member you fell out with and say: 'I feel so sad we fell out. This is such a bad, stressful time for us all and I was feeling very emotional. I want you to know I love you.' If they are a nice person, they'll forgive and forget immediately after that.

Think of a couple of things you can easily do that can help get you through - short walks in nature, escapist novels, long baths, reruns of comedies and feelgood films.

This time will pass. We don't know when, but it will.

Thank you for your kind words. I did try and be the bigger person and message her last night to apologise if we was rude(husband says i shouldn't of though) and then said again the reasons we was so angry and that I love her and hope we can put it in the past .

There's been no response and I doubt there will be either. But I felt I needed to be the person who made the 1st move which makes me feel like a soft wimp!

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I am too.
I won't go into why but I feel incredibly low.
The only thing that is making me 'do' a very low key Christmas this year is the memory of when I was 16: the year my Mother didn't acknowledge Christmas (no special meal, tree, Church or any gifts).
My ds is 16 this year and has had a rough year. When he said he was 'excited for Christmas' I unthinkingly replied: 'why'? Then I saw his face drop, so I put my game face on. But I keep having to leave the room so he doesn't see me cry.

sorry, x post (and all about me!)

You are not 'a soft wimp' - you are the 'bigger person'.
Take comfort in that. You can only control your actions, not others.

It's never wimpy to apologise. I once apologised to a friend for a massive row that I still think was wholly her fault . She never apologised back but we are still friends, so it was worth it.

You've been through a lot and it's no wonder you don't feel all that festive

It's so hard at the moment because we don't have all the usual things to do that we might normally do e.g. panto/Carol services/Christmas lights switch ons etc. So it all feels a bit different this year.

Your children are young so I would honestly lower your expectations for this year. I am sure they will be happy with the presents they have and just enjoy playing with their new things at home. Eat whatever you have planned to have but don't stress if it's not on time/perfect.

I always think there is so much pressure at this time of year for everything to be perfect and we can have an illusion that everyone else's life/family are perfect- they rarely are.

I think if you’ve sent that message you’ve done all you can. Maybe they just need some time to calm down and think it through? I hope you have a Christmas that is maybe different but ends up being really special.

I’ve had a good few cries already this week. I keep telling myself how lucky I am but then I just feel guilty that I still feel sad and want to cry.
I was supposed to be spending time with my family on Christmas Eve and wanted to spend the day at home with DH and DS. My family have tested positive so I can’t see them and now I have to spend the day with DHs family and I have major problems with some of them. I suggested just seeing them in the evening but that was shot down. I know DS is going to want to be with them all day so I should suck it up and do what’s best for him but it means I’m going to spend the day feeling uncomfortable. I was just so excited about the Christmas I had planned and now it looks so different.

Yep- my dd14 suffers from anorexia and MH issues and she is on an accute MH inpatient ward. Last week Christmas leave/ visiting was all arranged, and now all of it has been cancelled. ( she is in tier 4). No visiting at all and we don’t know when we will see her again. Trying to stay positive for her 10 year old sister but could otherwise happily miss Christmas this year.

Handhold for OP and all of you who are struggling this Christmas. I am too. I think we just have to cut ourselves some slack (we are allowed to feel down), and try to see it as just a day at home with nice food and drink.
To be honest Christmas is always hard work and a bit tense in our house so I’m used to dreading it.

You have had a tough year and well done on apologising to your relative, that was the right thing to do. I am totally not feeling the xmas spirit this year. Like everyone our plans to see family have changed, my lovely MIL died this year and we are so sad without her. I have decided to fake it this year, for my husband and kids and father in law. So we are watching christmas films, eating nice food and i have been ordering last minute panic xmas presents from Amazon (also self isolating). I keep having a little cry to myself but I'm trying my best to get myself and all those I love with a smile on my face, especially DH and the kids. Its so hard for so many people this year. I think you should try and force the xmas spirit this year OP. Get online, order some xmas films and a few more gifts for your kids and try and find something to do every day.

Personally, Christmas this year was always going to be shit because my mum died early this year. But I thought I could look forward to it being over in January, I didn’t realise how scarily 2021 would be looming because of Covid and because our government genuinely don’t care about pushing this pandemic-stricken country off a cliff. Woke up this morning and felt sick.
to all.

I'm feeling pretty fed up, but I'm taking myself to carols this pm in the gardens and they are collecting food for the food bank so I can do some good

I'm sorry to hear this. Sending you virtual hugs

I don't feel remotely festive. It's not helped by my dad sending pics in the family chat of old Christmas photos, things he's watching on tele (The Snowman etc) from when we were kids, and him, my mum and brother being a support bubble and me not. Basically the family Christmas is happening as normal just without me being a part of it.

Dad's daily messages to keep us jolly only serve to remind me what I'm missing out on, and make me feel a painful nostalgia for happy, childhood Christmases - I know I will never be as happy again as I was then.

So you're not alone. I'm going through the motions for other people's sake, but I'm counting down the days to new year - not because I think anything to do with covid will be any better, probably worse in fact, but just so that I can let the pretence drop that I'm okay and happy.

You aren't alone op.

I've got a funeral to get through before Xmas and yes, everything feels grim. Just be very kind to yourself.

Sorry you're feeling like this OP.

I think what might help you is to massively lower your expectations when it comes to Christmas.
Stop expecting it to be Magical.
Accept it for what it is.
Which is mainly a religious day where you get to eat some nice food, chill out with xhocolate/booze.

If you have children get enjoyment from watching them with their toys.
Afternoon walk for some fresh air.
Back afterwards to a cosy warm, decorated house.

For the last few years we've kept Christmas simple and it's much nicer
Also, because things aren't all perfect and magical and hyped up, there s none of that crashing down to earth feeling once it's all over.

My goodness. With a list like that no wonder you aren't feeling Christmassy. I'm so sorry for the tough time you're having and for your loss. It is hard enough at this time of year under normal circumstances, we feel under pressure to make Christmas happen for our children. But it is also good because it forces us to stop for a while. The other day my husband and I were talking about childhood Christmases, we could barely recall a favourite gift, our memories were just of family being together. Try and stop putting pressure on yourself and just try to relax and enjoy your family. With the year we have had everyone needs to lower their expectations. Sending hugs.