Should men get out of Christmas prep if they are sole earners?

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Overheard parents talking as DM said how stressful she finds the run up to Christmas and it’s all she thinks about and wakes up in the night thinking of things she has forgotten

DF said that he shouldn’t have to do a thing for Christmas because he works full time and is the sole earner as DM is SAHP

I personally disagree with this attitude. It’s possibly an old fashioned one so probably not worth challenging as I am assuming most people share out a few jobs at least

Am I wrong? Is this still the way most people deal with Christmas? The SAHP dealing with 99% or more?

I don't think anyone needs to do shed loads of 'xmas prep' unless they want to. I think people go to town these days - it is like modern weddings, everything is just thrown at it and it is unncessary. I enjoy getting ready for xmas, but I certainly don;t do anything that gives me sleepness nights. I like cooking, shopping on line and wrapping pressies is down time from work in front a shit xmas film with a sherry. It is fun! If it felt like work I'd do less of it.

When the dcs were small and I was a SAHM I did it all. Dh always worked very long hours and was often away for work anyway. I didn’t think it’d be fair to expect him to do much - but he’d always go with dcs to get the tree and saw a bit off the bottom.
TBH I didn’t mind at all doing the rest. He always bought me a present and did a stocking for me, too.
I’d do all the cooking, still do, but he always does the clearing up, always has. Suits me fine.

My husband loves Christmas more than I do - he works full time and I work 4 days a week. He buys all the main presents and I sort the stockings and my own parents and family. He shares the wrapping, food shopping and organising and he tends to cook Christmas dinner. I'd say we do 50/50 really, maybe i do a bit more as it tends to be me that prepares the house for visitors (when we aren't in this current situation with covid).
He has always loved doing the food shop so I leave that to him as well. I still feel like it's a super busy time though and am always exhausted by boxing day!

One of my relatives growing up was a bit of a household name- ceo of a national company. His wife was sahm

Christmas Day he ordered food and cooked entire meal for up to 20. Also after the turkey went in dashed into their head office with gifts for the skeleton staff that had to work. He also bought all the presents for the family- shopping in person where this office was based.

he did buy amazing champagne. 1 year he had a balloon in the garden

Another year he was asked to go on the live Christmas day broadcast- I think from the post office tower- and he refused as family come first at Christmas

When the dc were small and I was a sahm I did everything. Of course I did, DH was working 12 hour days. Been back at work for 16/17 years and still do it. It may help that we are a small family: the four of us, MIL (no longer FIL), my mother and step (my father died 20 years ago). However, I regard Christmas as mine to organise and don't really get the fuss:

Cards 100+ get done by mid Nov for posting first week December.
Order trees (have them delivered and put up nowadays).
Card and token present for my staff at work (16).
Christmas shopping: DS and DD, MIL, Mother, Step and an elderly aunt, DH. And wrap.
Mother and step usually come this weekend but obvs not this year.
MIL usually comes for Christmas week (not this year)

Shop and cook for: Xmas eve, Xmas Day, Boxing Day (usually have 10), 27th, 28th. Xmas lunch is a roast with a piece of meat that takes longer than usual.

DH sorts out the drinks and takes the trees to the dump .

I quite enjoy it. Lists and organisation. The only hard bit is feeling responsible for every one else's enjoyment.

I will never forget a year when dd was at primary and a sahm mum almost cried on me in the playground due to everything she had to do for Christmas. I was rendered almost speechless Her DC were 10 and 8 and at school all day.

Saw this on Instagram yesterday. This is definitely the case in our house.

They both sound a bit silly. It's over the top for her to be waking up panicking that she's forgotten something, and it's rude and selfish of him to say that he doesn't need to take any sort in the organisation.

Surely he at least buys her a gift?

Unless she has under fives she has more spare time so she should do the prep. That said I work full time and do it all!

Personally don’t think income plays a part in Xmas prep. With that said, my DH can’t boil water all year so I wouldn’t expect him to start prepping Xmas food all of a sudden. He’s also not allowed near bbq in Summer

Yes, we did try division of labour in the past, early on in marriage. He set alight the lawn by spraying lighter fluid all around to light the bbq. His attempt at spagbol nearly out us in hospital.

As for wrapping pressies or that type of prep - boxes from loft and back up but he’s so heavy handed any touching of baubles and they break. I forgot about it this year and asked hi to out the angel atop the tree. I’m looking for a new one as her head is smooshed.

Well, I do all the Christmas prep, always have done for 22 years. 6 dc to buy for (all older now to be fair), all family gifts, all the wrapping, order all food,collect food order, plan, book and facilitate all activities , always was me that attended all dc school activities when the were younger etc ..... It is a lot, and I do find it stressful. I work full time as does dh, although I work longer hours and earn considerably more.
It did used to really upset me, but tbh I've now just accepted it as part of life that will never change so no point letting it piss me off!

I suspect it happens like that because you let it. Prior to getting married oh would do his own Christmas shopping & wrapping. When we married I started doing more especially the decorations, wrapping and cards. I was seriously ill before Christmas when the children were still little and it worried me. When I got home the tree was up, the decorations up, presents bought, cards sent. Santa came, the girls happy, dinner was fine. DH did point out he coped before and he actually enjoyed giving the girls a fun Christmas. We've done it as a joint effort ever since. Prior to getting married he never had a tree or decorations as he usually went away.

Yes, if DH didn’t work and I had to finance everything I’d expect him to take on the household jobs in full including prep for Christmas etc. Would be highly unfair if opting out of financially supporting the household but then expect to be supported in jobs they were responsible for with not working.

Christmas prep is hardly onerous, food and gifts can be ordered online and wrapping doesn’t take that long.

Most Christmas prep is either DHs job or joint. He likes the house really done up , if I do anything he tends to change it anyway. Presents and food are joint but I do the baking. It was like this when we were both working.

I’m the SAH (no M bit!) and I do eveything at home.

I think it comes down to who has the most ‘spare’ time, and by that I mean after you’ve downed tools for the day. So (very generally speaking) for a SAHP who does everything around the house, it would be when the DC are settled, chores done for the day etc. For a working parent, it would be when they’ve logged off/stopped replying to emails.

You look at how much time is left over and split things accordingly.

I’ve always done pretty much everything for Christmas, but this year DH has sourced and collected the main present for his DP, gone to get the tree and put the lights on, collected Ds2’s bike, and ordered a joint for Christmas Eve.

I’ve bought and wrapped all the other gifts for everyone else on his and my side of the family, the dc (including stockings), friends’ Dc etc, decorated the whole house, bought all the crafts and cooking projects for the Dc to do in the run up to Christmas, sorted teacher presents, bought and written and posted all the cards, planned and bought all the food and drink, posted the presents for people we won’t see, dropped off the presents for people who live locally, etc.

I still think I have more leisure time even when all this is done, as I work part time and he works (more than) full time.

I’d say that if she’s at home with no kids then yes, she should do all/nearly all of it. If there’s kids involved (especially younger ones) then she should expect some help from him. I’d say she should do most of the housework if there were kids but maybe a 20% contribution. Only fair.

No idea how you’d regulate the contribution 😂

Why single Christmas out out of all the chores and life admin done throughout the year? Shouldn't it be fair all around?

If she’s at home with no children at home, yes she should be doing all the prep.

I do most of the xmas stuff because xmas is a big thing to me but I do it with my money (I work part time from home so I can SAHP, make far less than half what DH does) but he still goes off and does his own thing and buys things for me and some extras for the kids.

I couldnt leave it up to him though because his shopping style stresses me out, I have mostly been sorted for months but hes only just now starting to consider going shopping + hes useless at bargain hunting, he will always just pay the first price he sees even if its extortonate.

I work full time, longer hours than DH, earn slightly more and do 75pc of the Xmas preps. It is irritating that most Christmas related errands falls under “wifework”, but this seems to be a common situation. Probably one for the FWR board.

To his credit, he usually does a lovely job on my presents. I also have some shelves that he can put up next week, since it seems that we have fallen into stereotyped roles....

As the SAHM I do 95% of the prep - but OH cooks all of the Christmas dinner - I might help peel the odd spud ... I don’t mind at all

Christmas like birthdays are my job. In fact everything to do with house and kids is my job.
Dh gets asked about opinions.
I do the household budget always.
Sahm - 2 kids at primary.