Does anyone else just find Christmas hard work even in a normal year?

[Sadik]

I feel like I'm being very ungrateful - my DF lives nearby & we're an extended household (he needs a fair bit of help so actually I've been seeing him throughout), my adult DD lives at with me & so she'll be here too & the three of us will spend Xmas day together, so I'm vastly better off than many.

My DP will be away as he always is (logistically due to combination of elderly parents and his ex having moved away with his DC it's the only realistic solution) but this year he'll be away for best part of 3 weeks whereas last couple of years we've been together over new year.

I'm not that into big roast meals at all - I'm not veggy, but don't eat a lot of meat & find it all very overwhelming - but it's important for my Dad so a lot of the day will involve cooking & clearing up a big lunch. DD is lovely, but has an ASD & really doesn't do socialising for long periods. DF isn't into watching TV (fair enough, none of us really are) or reading quietly (which dd & I would do to be sociable) as quite reasonably he does lots of that when he's on his own. When my DM was alive we'd play some board games but actually she was the only one that really liked them. I always seem to end up just desperately trying to keep a conversation going & not succeeding very well. Thankfully last year we did agree to go for a long walk in the morning and let lunch move later which filled some of the day!

Not really looking for solutions, just a bit of a moan and solidarity with any other Christmas-refuseniks :)

Clearly I'm the only one and you are all paragons of sparkly Christmas goodwill

Well Mary probably didn't have much fun on Christmas, I'm guessing no gas and air and no stitches or post labour toast. Just there to serve others.

And yes if no-one's really supporting you or doing nice things for you I'm sure it is just hard work. I'm sure there are loads of people for whom Christmas is not much fun, but maybe people don't want to comment for some reason.

Are you doing anything nice for yourself, either before or after Christmas day?

No we aren’t! But I feel that you do need solutions, or at least options to make it more manageable.

If you don’t want a big roast, minimise the different components. Make some of the things in advance so that you can just shove in the oven or reheat. Or just buy everything pre-prepared.

Would DF listen to the radio? We often listen to Classic FM on Christmas morning, it might help fill some of the silence and provide a source of something to talk about. My own elderly FIL loved it.

Thank you both :) I guess normally I enjoy all the round-about Christmas things with parties, pub with friends etc so just feeling a bit glum. DF does listen to the radio & music a lot, & when its just the two of us it's a good option, but unfortunately dd doesn't do well with noise so best not.

It's only our second Christmas without my DM, and the one before that was quite challenging as she was very unwell, and then the one before that was after ex-H had decamped to OW, so I guess all round it's been a challenging few years! (I was saying to a friend that 2020 hasn't been great, but on the whole personally something of an improvement on the previous 3...)

@Sadik

Clearly I'm the only one and you are all paragons of sparkly Christmas goodwill

This game went down well last Christmas with my DS has ASD and who normally doesn't engage with family Christmas at all

Lifeology.

It isn't a board game but worked quite well. I'll look for link

www.onbuy.com/gb/sussed-lifeology-who-knows-who-best-hilarious-conversation-card-game~c2304~p6630785/?exta=gshp&stat=eyJpcCI6IjExLjQ5IiwiZHAiOjAsImxpZCI6IjM5MjkyMTM1IiwicyI6IjEwMDAiLCJ0IjoxNjA3MTc3MjM3LCJibWMiOiIwLjAifQ==&lid=39292135&gclid=CjwKCAiAlNf-BRB_EiwA2osbxZIDZStNgEIINrWHyYXPBXSUVezK0lDLBN8HpIUpJlhhXDG2WsTFahoCqhQQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

Maybe you could get your DF's photo albums out and do some reminiscing? Or show him some of your latest photos? (When my father was alive, I used to take extra photos when I went anywhere, just so I had more things to talk to him about.)

not anymore.
the il agreed to no more gifts, which has been such a relief for all of us.
and we have decided on only token gifts (like a book or similar) for my side of the family.
that alone has taken out so much stress out of the whole thing.

and this year corona restrictions mean that we can't get stessed out visiting one relati e after the other over a couple of days - total bliss.

pinkbalcony that sounds like you've really improved things. I've got no family beyond DF & DD so for me Christmas visits are always to friends and optional which actually I think is something to be grateful for!!

Fortunately gifts aren't a big deal here - DF & DD (and me!) very happy with some combination of books / wine / chocolates which makes that simple.

Photos is definitely a good idea Time40 - we've had them out quite a bit lately going through old pics of family.
Really I should just get over myself - it's only a couple of weeks and generally I have little to complain about - but a little bit of an anonymous grumble definitely helps :)

Thank you also for the game suggestion bumbling - DF's eyesight isn't up to cards (he reads on Kindle with massive text) but definitely worth checking out for other times.

I know you said he doesn’t watch much tv but would something older be more appealing? I got Laurel and Hardy dvds one year and just left the tv on low in the background because it doesn’t need sound. It entertained my elderly df a bit in the lull.

Does he have a passion? My fil can talk endlessly about football so I try and read a couple of news articles before he comes just to know a few buzz words and keep the conversation ticking over.

Would card games work? Tiger sell huge playing cards (like 4 times the size of normal ones) that would help with the eyesight issue.

Carols on quietly in the background? Give him an easy job in the kitchen like making a trifle? Might be easier keeping up a conversation if you're working alongside each other. The enormous Quiz of the Year in the newspaper? Jigsaw?

We usually go away. We book a luxury hotel with a spa somewhere nice and fairly remote and just relax and go for walks. We only give each other small presents like books, a bottle of wine and only celebrate during the actual Christmas Day so around one week. Apart from that I ignore it all.

That sounds fabulous Cordelia . Tbh my best adult Christmases ever were when dd was very small & we lived abroad - it was so much cheaper to wait a little that we always did family visits in January, and the holiday itself usually involved pizza and the beach :)

We'll definitely go for a long walk in the morning assuming it isn't really terrible weather. I might see if I can think of something dd & df would both like to watch - I've just remembered that the animated biopic made of Van Gogh's paintings is meant to be amazing, and would probably appeal to DF at least (his real passions are art & jazz) so that might be an option.

I'm feeling a bit more cheery now, thank you all. I might try to arrange a definite time for a walk with a friend on Boxing day, I suspect she also will need a bit of an escape as she has the opposite problem of a lot of family all on top of one another in a tiny house when everyone's off work!