Adult children and presents

[SugarCanes]

Should adult children spend the same amount on parents for Christmas, as parents spend on them?

I know it's not all about money (obviously) but I tend to spend £20-£30 on each parent at Christmas. Whereas they probably spend £50-£60 each on me.

I am late 20s, have a job and mortgage to pay, but I am just wondering whether adults my age tend to 'match' what their parents spend on them for Xmas, or if it's a given that parents will always spend more no matter how old their child is?

No my parents always spend more. We couldn’t afford what they do as we have 2 young children too.

I don’t think there’s any hard and fast rules. We get things they like. They get things we like. Sometimes we spend more, sometimes they do.

I spend slightly more on my parents than they do on me and DH but they spend more on the boys.

We spend the same amount on DP's DM as we do on my parents and that's less than she spends on us.

DH & I spend a lot more on our adult children than they do on us. They aren't well off, we can afford to spend money on them and love doing so. It's my excuse to spoil them. All of them are single and at home for Christmas. Things will no doubt change when they settle down and have families of their own.

I spend more on my adult dc than they do on me because I have everything I want whereas there are things they would like and need. I'd be more than happy with a bunch of flowers or a bag of sweets tbh.

Believe me this will not be an issue for your parents. I have two adult children, when they ask for present ideas for me I’m careful to ask for things I know are in their budget range.

There's no rule for this because it depends on so many factors like income, whether grandparents buy for their grandchildren, whether child buys a joint gift or separate gifts for the parents etc

My parents spend a lot more on me and my partner than we do on them. They give us around £500 between me and my partner. We spend about £60-£80 on them.

It sounds bad when written down like that but it's the way it's always been - my grandma did the same for them.

When we have children, my parents will spend that money on the children and we will get much less.

I've brought it up with them before but they always say we are young and starting a life together so they want to contribute to that.

Surely there comes a point when adult children should be spending on their parents instead of taking?

Depends on a lot of factors @katy1213 . The parents' wealth, the children's wealth, different outgoings etc.

My grandma was always more wealthy than my parents, who struggled when we were small, and my grandma spent an awful lot of money on us as a family. She didn't ever expect to be repaid, and she always came along on the holidays she paid for, etc. We would have had a completely different life if it weren't for her.

Having said that, I don't feel that we as a family just 'took' from her, and she didn't think that either. She came everywhere with us, stayed with all the time, we loved her endlessly (as she did us) and she was never lonely. And when she was dying we cared for her round the clock.

If one party wants to 'match' spending with another, it is up to the ones who spend more to spend less, you can't ever expect people to spend more. It happens, but when the cash is there, not at the behest of the recipient.

My parents are very generous at birthdays and Christmas. Their disposable income is a lot higher (no mortgage, generous civil service pensions, inheritance).
It's a mix of frivolous and practical stuff.
PILs are the same... Although it tends to be a small gift and sticking a couple of hundred in our holiday savings.

We can afford to spend up to £50 per person in return.

Well I can only speak from experience but my eldest is now 22 with a very well paid job. For the past two years she's spent probably £300 on me and maybe £200 on her dad. I spend approximately £700 on her (this is very east when she wants a Tom Ford private blend perceive and a mulberry purse!) as I don't want her to spend more on me

This isn't something I give much head space too but I instinctively don't want her to spend more on me than I do on her. It's not in a competitive way and I do not expect her to spend hundreds on me - she just loves doing it and Xmas is something we make a big deal of

*perfume not perceive!

My DS is only 4 but when he is an adult I won't reduce my spending on gifts for him and I won't expect him to match just as I don't expect anyone to match spending now. I value the thought behind a gift not the money spent. As a parent I will always want to spoil my DS at birthdays and Christmas, buying him gifts which make him happy is a great joy for me.

My parents always spend more on us, they have a £50 budget each but they always ask for gifts around the £25/30 mark. This year my dad picked out things worth £90 and asked me to split it with my two brothers so £30 each. But I do think it's not a set rule, all depends on each family's financial situation etc.

I am on a low income so only spend about £10 per parent. They also live abroad so can't get them anything too big. But I always get them something they will like. I got them this year a novel each by an author they like and some chocolate that they can't get abroad.

They usually get me a few token gifts and some money so I can buy something I need. They also usually get my DC a main present of about £50 plus some little things. So all in all they spend a lot more. They are happy to do this as they are wealthy and can afford it and I'm very grateful.

We spent about the same on DH’s parents each as they spend on us, but we spent more on my dad, who also spends more on DS, but as he’s on his own, our family unit gets more spent in total.

I've never matched what dp have spent as their fortunes and mine have been so up and down eg one-year I may have received a nice book.. I gave them a larger sat nav that cost about 140.... And vice versa..

I'd really like my dc to buy me sweet thoughtful gifts. I've never thought about the value and costs... I guess I might if they were hugely wealthy and gave others far more.. Eg cashmere jumpers and I was given a boots glitter hairspray...

Some years my parents spend a lot other times not so much. Birthdays we probably spend about the same (£50). I don't feel bad about the inequality or it or pressure to spend more - we also have to buy for them at fathers and Mother's Day which is obviously an extra expense in the year. We are also in the thick of young children, high mortgages, childcare bills etc. Whereas they are mortgage free, work part time/semi retired - have significantly higher disposable income than us (or will ever have!)

Once I got to 18 it was a a present for about a tenner less if they could get away with it,

I gift my parents what i can afford but it's usually a lot less financially than they give to me, because they have a high income and i don't. I do OK and can give good gifts but they can buy whatever they want and i really have to stick to a budget.

They spend around 200 on me
I spend around £150 -£200 each on them

I suggested we all keep things a bit smaller this year, and I’m going to lower the budget bit by bit each year!

DH and I spend around £50 on DMIL and she probably spends about £60 in total on us both.

I don't know the exact amounts of money spent by my parents, but I think they usually spend more. This year I tried to make my presents for them more equal as I feel guilt because of that.